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04/22/2012 07:29 PM

Under a LOT!!!

Posts: 143

Pinch My husband has end stage cirrohsis due to hep b & alcoholism and Im 1600 mi away from home trying to help him as his liver is failing. I have a MIL who is controlling, cold, and bossy with money who thinks her son will get a liver transplant just like that, and she thinks Im lazy and stupid since I dont work while I have my hands full with her son who is juandiced, confused, and needs to go to drs. Meanwhile I had a calico cat for over a year and I was forced to get rid of it according to her(my neighbors have her temporarly) and now Iam tempted to scratch and pinch at my skin again not only is it comforting to me because I feel like my world is falling apart. Iam 45 yrs old and it seems I always hurt and struggle in one way or the other and Life has never been easy for me as I have struggled with a controlling mom and poor self esteem my whole life. I also have scars from physical and emontional abuse as well. I feel beat up and this feels good to me. Ive let guys use me emontionally and sexually and I spent five years in a relationship where I lived a guy who beat up soo much emontionally I lost 50 pounds because he let me starve in the apt and wouldnt let me eat because I was worthless and didnt work. Now my husband is dying and this is hard on me I feel lost, alone, hurt, and if he dies I will have to go back home to where Ill have my mom beating me up emontionally saying I should of never married a drunk. Advice???

05/17/2012 01:54 PM
Posts: 7
New Member

Well, advice from a 16 year old might not be something you think is worth it, but it's still advice. And you'd be surprised at how much I've gone through. I have been self-harming for 4 years now. And part of the reason I cut, is because I have schizophrenia. But the other part is that my parents blame me for their financial problems. And I have just learned that I need to do what is best for me and not please anyone else. It may seem selfish but the most important thing is YOU. Not anyone else. Self-harm is just a way of coping. When I had to make a hard desicion like that, I made a list of pros and cons for both of my options. And sometimes thats the only way to do it. I hope this helped. You can message me anytime.

05/18/2012 01:37 PM
Posts: 1374
VIP Member

Remember that you need to take care of your priorities first. Your husband is obviously one of them as well as your son and you. Focus on those three things and worry about them only. So what if you married a drunk, you love him right? Thats what matters. Who cares about the MIL that is bossy and rude, your the WIFE and MOTHER right? Tell her to shove it and get out if she gets in your face because as much as she believes shes got the rights in reality she doesn't just stand up and tell her that if she is going to act like a royal snot to you then she can pretty much just count herself out and if it comes time for your husbands funeral she isn't invited. YOu do have those rights if you are married so excersise them. Its tough to do I know, been through a lot myself and I tell you what when your at your wits end with stress and can sound crazy USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. It will make people back off really quick. Who cares what they think because right now this is about your life your son is sick, your husbands dying and everyone else needs to be supporting YOU right now. If they can't do it they need to get out and stay out till you are ready to deal with them. I would stop talking to anyone thats not supportive and tell the MIL to stop bieng rude because I can guarantee that its not just hard on you its hard on the hubby to have mom not bieng nice to you. Have you talked to him about all your feelings? Maybe you two should have some one on one time to talk about the things that will need to be taken care of if he doesn't get a transplant? WOrking together with him on this will help ease the burdens some if he knows how rough things are getting on your mental health. Also don't worry about the SI its a coping skill that at the moment is going to be hard to overcome. Do your best and don't beat yourself up if you relapse from it. When things calm down the picking and scratching will too.

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