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02/14/2012 11:58 AM

About had it

WitchWay
WitchWay  
Posts: 121
Member

I've about f'ing had it. Life is a serious struggle for me with self injury yet people still make it their mission to piss me off. All I'm gonna say is that life and relationships should not revolve around sex. Shit happens and it should be dealt with. If sex can't happen on a given day or every f'ing day, then it should not be an f'ing fight. What a wonderful Valentine's Day... I hate my f'ing life. I should just go live in a cave that has nothing sharp in it..

Thanks for letting me vent.

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02/14/2012 12:31 PM
WitchWay
WitchWay  
Posts: 121
Member

I'm sorry. I guess I should have introduced myself first. I just realized that this is a new user name. The other one I used to use gets "trolled" by my other half and it really hindered what I could and could not say. I stayed off for a while so that he would stop looking... I think I stayed away too long..

02/14/2012 03:19 PM
mvpjimmy
mvpjimmy  
Posts: 114
Member

Whew! I am sorry to hear such anger in your post. Clearly something has really upset you... Valentines day itself is a very bad holiday. Either you are happily with someone and end up spending money on meaningless shit, or you are unhappy or alone and its just another day to be even more upset with your loneliness or to remind you of a bitter end to a recent relationship.

You mentioned that people still make it their mission to piss you off. I understand how you feel. I do not know your position, but I know myself that when I am in a low that pretty much anything someone else does just pisses me off even when its a nice thing they have done or something that does not pertain to myself.

I also know that my family, who is aware of my situation and SI still sometimes will get angry at me whether or not it is warranted. Point being that even when people know you are struggling, they are still human, and will still do things to piss us off. But I also consider it a good thing that they can still be candid with me and that they dont make everything all happy-cheery around me...

Sorry if I rambled, I hope to hear from you more about what is going on. I obviously sense a rocky relationship and increasing urges to SI. But Id love to hear more and hopefully we can help each other! Thanks,

Dan


02/14/2012 06:52 PM
peasha
peasha  
Posts: 1374
VIP Member

Hi Witch Way. Does that mean I should welcome you back? It sounds like it Smile

I too have the whole "sex" dilema only I am married so its just not as easy. My husband feels like I hate him or don't want him then the argument comes and then IM the one I feel like crap like I did something wrong. Then the urges set in and its just a mess. DON'T let those arguments rule your relationship. If something happens then try later to rediscuss the situation. If you would like pointers on having that difficult conversation I can try to help you through PMs I have had it hundreds of times in the past 7 years my husband and I have been together and can relate on how this can be a disturbing topic. Other than that feel free to vent however much you need to Smile


02/17/2012 08:29 AM
WitchWay
WitchWay  
Posts: 121
Member

Peasha, I am married and it's really hard. We are happy most of the time, but then my husband gets it in his head that I should "perform" for him the same that I used to when I was with other people. Right now he's all upset because he feels that I am treating him less than my past significant others. The problem is I am on about 3 medications that pretty much kill my sex drive and I don't have a thyroid, so that pretty much stops the libido cold. I try to "perform" for him a few times a week, but he has it in his head that we should do it more because he "deserves it" for treating me better than my last SOs. The kicker is he has ED and he is extremely overweight, so even if we tried to do it more often or do the positions he wants, he'd have problems, get mad and I am made to feel like the bad guy even though I know it was not my fault. I was doing so good with the SI until a couple months ago. I've slipped about 3 times since then because it is just getting to be too much. I've hidden it, so I don't get the guilt trip, but.

I don't want to scrap the relationship because when he is not being like this, he really is a wonderful man and treats me and my kids like gold. His problem is that his first wife was his first from a sexual standpoint and I am his second. I, on the otherhand, had more partners before him, so he is taking his lack of doing all this stuff and telling me I need to do it. I'm not a teenager anymore, I don't want to do gumby shit. Physically I can't due to a messed up pelvis, but he still presses and guilts.

With the guilt and fights comes the urge to SI. I'll be lucky if I go home tonight unscathed. Sad


02/20/2012 05:17 AM
peasha
peasha  
Posts: 1374
VIP Member

Don't feel like that hun, you should never feel that way. Although I can tell you the words a hundred times, I know how hard it is to believe what I just said as true. Its almost a physical pain and shame to have those feelings because we WANT to satisfy our husbands but just cant the way that they want and the only thing that we can do is explain time and time again the reasons WHY we cant. Once they finally GET IT maybe we wont feel so awful. For me it was past sexual abuse as to why I can't perform, and my husband can't understand why sex to me is not "fun". I can go months at a time because of my meds not doing a thing and he can't seem to understand how that makes me feel great while to him its torture and painful.

I don't get his frustrations the way he protrays them, but can understand how he feels like I don't "love" him the way he does me. I can't even bring myself to tell him I literally CANT enjoy sex cause its painful and the past memories destroyed any sense of pleasure I can get from it to a dullness I rarely can get past. I am so afraid of him leaving I try to please him even though it discomforts me and that is wrong too. I shouldn't do that, but like you he treats me like a queen and my oldest son who isn't his he treats as his own flesh and blood. So the though of him leaving drives me to be stupid I guess Smile It does bring on a whole new type of urge that you have to just fight everyday, and remind yourself that its not your fault that this situation is there its the other persons fault. We both have to compromise and after seven years my husband has finally come to a point where he will actually ask to touch me and ask if he can do anything. Its a mutual respect that can be reached with chronic reminders of what love really is. Not sex, but the heart and all that it can give.

Try compromise with him and see if there is anything that you can do that would satisfy his needs, but at the same time be within your limits. Buy the kama sutra books and look at them together to see if there is anything that you think can be "alright" for you and him to do. While going through it explain the whys of what you can't do. It does help and can be embarissing at first but it DOES help.

My heart goes out to you and I am happy to share my experiences with you whenever you need to vent Wink I truly understand this topic more than the most.

peasha


02/21/2012 09:48 AM
WitchWay
WitchWay  
Posts: 121
Member

Thanks Peasha. Just knowing you understand and can relate actually helps. Smile
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