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12/19/2011 08:21 AM

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kmoser
kmoser  
Posts: 13
Member

I have been dealing with self injury for years, as a way to cope with anxiety, depression, being overwhelmed, etc. I thought I was doing well with current Meds and therapy. 22 days cut free. Then I ended up being taken by police and ambulance to the hospital for a severe cut. I am home now but I feel terrible for having given into my feelings. I wish I could stop feeling this way but it just seems to be getting worse. Someone even told me to stop being a f***ing coward and go all the way if I'm going to keep cutting. I need some support and suggestions. Please help
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12/19/2011 08:24 AM
DestinySC
DestinySCPosts: 5
New Member

You are not a coward for cutting at all. Most people don't cut because of fear, so you are not a cowardou made it 22 days! That's awesome! Even if you messed up again remember that success! And don't ever listen to idiots that tell you things like that. Your life is worth living.

12/20/2011 09:53 AM
AsianGoddess

I agree with DestinySC. You are not a coward. Everybody has a weakness, an addiction they wrestle with. Some people turn to drinking when they are stressed out. Other people are compulsive smokers or drug addicts to self-medicate their pain. We all deal with issues in our lives. We're not perfect, nobody is, nobody ever will be. I try to assure myself every day to just do my best, practice mindfulness, remember to think before I act or say anything and attempt to learn from my mistakes. Success is not about being 100% SI free, it is about developing a healthy mind/spirit/soul. It is about struggling and facing our inner demons and conflicts so that we are a better, much healthier, more positive person the next minute, the next hour, the next day.

22 days is wonderful! You did an awesome feat! Is there anything you learned this time? If learning the reason you cut is all you got - that is great. You learned about yourself a little bit more, you have more information and insight in the future to avoid the trigger and you are a better person today for it! 22 days - my you are a strong person! Stronger than you think and believe you are! I couldn't do 22 days straight. You did something I was not able to do - ever! YOU DID GOOD! KUDOS to you!

Failure is not falling down or making mistakes. Failure is falling down and staying there. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again! It does get better! Don't quit, just try again! The more you practice not cutting, the more you perfect that habit into your life. Good luck!

Happy Holidays!


12/21/2011 12:44 PM
kmoser
kmoser  
Posts: 13
Member

Thank you so much for your very encouraging comments! It is so nice to hear from people who have been there and been through the same things. I appreciate all of the comments and suggestions, especially about seeing what I have learned about myself from this episode. I have been thinking a lot about that.

12/26/2011 11:54 PM
peasha
peasha  
Posts: 1374
VIP Member

First I have to agree that you are NOT a coward. You just have an addiction that others can't understand. Too many people mistake our addiction as suicide attempts when they are really just acts to soothe the soul in ways that only we can understand. It calms us in a cool calm that makes things seem a little less chaotic. It may not be a very good habit to have but it is a negative coping skill that nonetheless works for the moment. THen the guilt sets in and we feel like failures all over again even though we are not.

You have survived a serious cut and now the guilt tells you that you made a mistake. You can only learn from the mistakes, now you know how far you can take yourself before it gets too serious and hopefully you will not make that same mistake again. As for having to restart, we all have to go through that starting and stopping phase before we make progress that we can be happy with. Look at how many times you fell as a baby learning how to walk, it didn't stop you from getting back up and retrying again did it? This is the same thing, just because you cut again doesn't mean you cant try stopping the cutting again. You always have the ability to stop something if you wish to, or to continue if you want. Most of us that have the addiction though know that we need to stop and are guilt ridden because we feel like failures for not being able to resist every urge that plagues our minds. You should be proud of the the accomplishments that you have done and just use those and striving points to do better. You can do this and we are here to continue cheering you on even if you fall down again Smile


12/28/2011 06:32 AM
kmoser
kmoser  
Posts: 13
Member

Thank you for your support. This is definitely something hard to get through, but I'm just taking it minute by minute and trying to make it. Tomorrow will make two weeks with no cuts. So there is a great accomplishment.

12/31/2011 09:29 PM
peasha
peasha  
Posts: 1374
VIP Member

It's the baby steps that are the hardest, but it does get easier as the time goes by. Im sure thats a saying we all get tired of hearing no matter how true it may beWink Congradulations on the 2 week mark thats one of the hardest ones to make in my opinion. Keep up the great work and efforts. Hope things are going well for the new year for you as well Smile
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