Self-Injury Support Group

So this weekend I accidentally slept through a work shift...which is really bad, and I'm worried that I may get fired, which is a realistic possibility. I am miserable, I may be moving out of town, to a different place, if I did that I would have to stop therapy, I would have to find all new aa mtgs, it would be really uprooting my life, but I am really tired of being where I'm at. perhaps a change of pace will help things to get better faster. I feel like these past months I have been running myself into the ground. I have been on an emotional bender. Ive been jacked up on caffeine and sleeping no more then 5 hours a night, and exhausted. S o it was like the last straw to skip out on work. it really was. So now I am sad because I hate change, but i want things to change, and in a way I really just want to withdraw and self destruct, because I feel like I'm in a mess that I dont know how to fix. though i know these thoughts are not accurate...I still feel that way. and I'm scared of the future, what will happen? I have not reliability that things will be ok. How do I know that I will be taken care of?

so I want to cut, because it makes things feel a little bit better, if only for a moment. I see my therapist in and hour and a half. I want to try to not cut until after I've seen her. and I want to tell her how the urges have been really strong, and I have been trying to pull it together until I know exactly what is going to happen.

Sorry for this rant, I really needed to just vent and I really need support right now because I'm hurting!

Being able to hold off on cutting is a good sign that you have some control over your urges. That is a good thing. It is when you hurt yourself at any given moment when you know the self injury is controlling you. So, as terrible as it feels, you are probably doing better with this than you realize. Keep it up, good luck, and resist the urges as long as you can!

thanks, i did it last night. I was just so lonely, and tired. i just didn't want to feel the anguish anymore, so that i could just wash away and drift off to sleep...which is what i did...

hey there everyone, so i have been cutting a lot lately (the past couple of months, maybe even 6 months?) and things are crashing. My therapist called my psychiatrist and then my psychiatrist called me and decided to put me on Abilify...i haven't started it yet (this all took place this morning...) and I'm kinda worried about trying it. I really know nothing about it and i hate things that i don't understand. But i just feel so awful all the time. the anxiety has gotten to a level where all i can do is sit on my bed, and let the anxiety waves pulse through me...more then half the time i am checked out (as in dissociating) and I'm scared. because things haven't felt this dark and out of hand in a long time. Ive even started questioning if I'm an alcoholic! (the last time i drank i nearly killed myself...) so yea, I'm at my wits end...i don't look forward to anything, i have no opinions in any decisions...i just don't care anymore...and i want to care, but dont know how...

thanks,

Tru

Hey Tru!

I'm sorry things are going rough for ya right now!

First, I will address the abilify question.

Now, I want to stress that I am not a doctor, I only speak from personal experience. I do not know your history or anything, so you might just end up taking what a say with a grain of salt. For me, psych drugs made me worse. Once I started adopting healthier living habits and finding good people to hang around, all of my depression and anger problems disappeared. I started working out at the gym four times a week and excercise became my new coping skill. I have not been on a psych drug since 2007 and have had no episodes of severe depression. You mentioned you may be an alcoholic. I know people with chemical dependencies are often said to be bipolar but many times once the person stops drinking his or her moods improve. I do realize that some people self medicate because of a mental illness, but I also wanted to point out that the illness could also be a product of the addiction.

So anyway, like I said, I do not know your whole story, so I don't feel comfortable telling you to stop taking meds, or to refuse abilify because some people really do need them. What I will say is try some lifestyle changes. If you don't excercise, start jogging. If you eat a lot of junkfood, try eating healthier. I have felt so much better since I stopped taking abilify, trazadone, imiprimine, depakote, and the other psych meds I had been perscribed at some point during my life. Those drugs made me worse.

As far as the overall bummed sensation you're feeling right now, I will say, it gets better. It's good you vented like that, because in a lot of cases, its enough to just vent about these situations. It definately aliviates some of the stress! Also, writing things down or speaking them aloud makes it easier for you to understand what is going on with you so you can figure out how to solve it. To me, it sounds like your all jumbled inside right now and really stressed. Do you have any hobbies or anything you can do to work through this stress?

I hope I was somewhat helpful. Good luck to you and don't despair

And remember, I'm not exactly saying you should refuse meds, just saying that it is a possibilty for some that the meds make them worse. I feel like I should say something about that since so many years of my life were taken from me because I was on meds I didn't need to be on. Its amazing how much of a difference it makes to talk about your problems. Healthy living also solves so so much!

Hi try, sorry to hear things are soo rocky for you right now. I too understand the feeling of not liking change. I HATE change soo much that I stress myself out to the point of mental breakdown sometimes. I do all that KNOWING I need to change something to make it better but afraid of whether or not I'm making the right choices.

Not sure what to say for your abilify meds other than its supposed to be an additive to your main depression medicine (at least that's what the usages states) some docs have been prescribing it as a main depression med though. I'm not so sure about it because of the horrible side effects it can have which was why I have declined taking it. The risks for me didn't out weigh the benefits. Maybe for you the dr believes its best, but if your worried about new meds then talk to the dr in depth so you know everything about it before you take it. Thats the way I go about trying a new medicine, it eases that urge to say no and gives me enough courage to say I will give a couple weeks.

Don't worry too much about the changes to come. You are in more control than you feel just by talking to us and knowing your in need of doing something to get better. You have started that process of accepting you need to do something just keep moving forward. Don't stress about work, just worry about you. Do what's needed to get you out of the dark and into the wonderful light so you can celebrate again keep on having faith in yourself because you are striping in the right direction and we are here to listen as often as you need us to rant or vent to. Stay safe.