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11/14/2008 06:21 PM

Wife needs an affordable long-term facility

PaulSims
Posts: 7
Member

Hi all-

I'm new here, and REALLY need some help. My wife has a history of sexual abuse throughout her childhood and college. She repressed it all, and 2 months ago broke down. She scratched her face and beat her head on a sink until she had a huge raised bruise on her forehead. The local mental health clinic sent her to a stabilization center an hour away. After 3 weeks, she left worse off than when she went in, still unaware of the repressed memories. She injured herself with a piece of metal out of a soap dispenser while she was there. After a week at home, she scratched her leg with a safety pin about 100 times, about a foot long. Went back to the center, and thought she got herself together after another week there. She came home for a few days, dug deep gooves in the same leg with her fingernail WHILE she was driving, became very suicidal, and went back. A few more days in the hospital, a few more days at home, and she scratched her leg, burned her arm with a cigarette (she's a non-smoker), and beat the ijury on her leg with her fist. She was contemplating killing our entire family to not leave an aftermath when she killed herself.

Her mother was the main source of her sexual abuse, and she can't talk to her about it. Her mother is very controlling and powerful, and I guess I would have a hard time confronting her too if she had controlled me my whole life.

One of her big problems is that she can't be as close to me as she wants, and really never has been able to be emotionally intimate with me for more than a matter of hours or a couple days at best. Now her emotions are so raw that she has a hard time being around people at all, she can't stand to be near kids (she has a fear of hurting our kids), and can't stand to do any more than hold my hand. I try to give her love and support, and not pressure her to do anything, but it only makes things worse because she feels guilty when she can't return in kind.

ANYWAY...

The center she's been going to has done little or nothing for her, but they have used up all of her insurance authorization. Apparently our insurance only covers 45 days per year of inpatient treatment for psych problems. It looks like there probably won't be any more benefits available until next September. Since they haven't helped her and she's still suicidal and SI, they want to send her to a long-term care place in Boulder, 6 hours away from us. The new place doesn't provide any kind of financial aid, so we're going to have to pay over $40k for the minimum 90 day program. I don't see any alternatives and this is only making her depression worse than it was. She has been diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety, but none of it really pinpointed.

What we need is a program that will help her deal with her SI problem, history of abuse and inability to cope with everyday life. We need something that is based on income, etc., that we would be able to afford. Based on what she's told them where she is now, the only other choice they gave her was to go home for outpatient treatment and have social services involved with the children so she doesn't hurt them. Without getting social services involved, she would probably commit suicide in a week without inpatient treatment. Taking her kids away would make it a matter of hours. We really need any and all help we can get right now. I appreciate any help you can give us. We are in western Colorado and would consider any treatment options available to her.

Thanks,

Paul.

Post edited by: PaulSims, at: 11/14/2008 18:37

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11/14/2008 06:29 PM
Storm6751
Storm6751  
Posts: 712
Senior Member

paul,

welcome...my name is storm and i too am a si and i am bipolar group 2.. i alo have kids two girls ages 9 and 5.. and at 7 was raped...

i am telling you this so you know that this is the path for many who fall thru the cracks of society and help when we need it...

boulder... is that in w.a. near kalgoolie? or are you in the states?

i do not know much in the way of services in the states but in w.a. i do.

i would really like to help and talk to you... ill send you a pm..

but please are youin w.a. or the states... if the states there is another leader here pixi and she is in the states she can guide you as well as justremembering.. i think she is there too so they will know the way it runs over there but if its over here i am at your services and i will and can help...

please let me know

she is lucky to have you

big hugs

Storm


11/14/2008 06:41 PM
PaulSims
Posts: 7
Member

Thanks for the reply, Storm. I edited my post to note that I'm in Colorado, U.S. Sorry for the omission. A few more things I left out the first time- she's 34, we have 2 boys, 9 and 11, and have been married 13 years. She was abused by her mother her entire life growing up, and as soon as she got away to college, she was gang raped.

Thanks again,

Paul.


11/14/2008 06:44 PM
Storm6751
Storm6751  
Posts: 712
Senior Member

ok so what im going to do is contact pixidust she is in northern carolina and is good with the health system there...

but its very important that you try and buld up your wife's self worth..

she is very lucky to have you and i will try everything i can to help you in any way i can.. pixi can be trusted and she is very very good at understanding.

i also do not have a relationship with my mother for the same reason.. do you think she will be willing to talk to me??

if not thats okay too...

Storm


11/14/2008 06:52 PM
Storm6751
Storm6751  
Posts: 712
Senior Member

PIXI.... JUST ....

SOS......


11/14/2008 06:55 PM
Storm6751
Storm6751  
Posts: 712
Senior Member

OK MEMBERS...

we have a family member who needs help with the medical help organisations in the states... please respond and reach out anyway you's can.....

please

Storm


11/14/2008 07:06 PM
hannah08
hannah08  
Posts: 412
Member

Hey Paul,

My name is hannah and I was abused for 5 years by 2 cousins, 1 male and 1 female. I have kept it a secret for almost 20 years from the rest of the family, repressed it and am dealing with it now and am bulimic, depressed, have PTSD, panic attacks, and SI. So like Storm said, we all know the devastation this can take on those abused and their families.

I am in Atlanta, GA and I wish i knew more about colorado but do they have indigent based hospitals,like county hospitals there. I know they are usually not the best but they are definitely more affordable. What about your board of health department? They offer some services here. Talk to the secretary of state in your state or either your insurance commissioner to get advice about the insurance and state or out-of-state facilities.

I know that may not be much help but if there is anything else i can do to help please let me know. I know this is very hard for all of you and I can feel your sense of urgency. Your love for her is very much apparent...she is going to need it and so will you. My heart really goes out to you and if you ever need to talk or vent please let me know. My husband is a big part of my support and i know he would be happy to talk to you as well if you need him to. Welcome to the group!

hannah


11/14/2008 07:07 PM
justrembering
pirateprincess421  
Posts: 31179
VIP Member

In most states there is financial aid available to those that qualify. I'm not sure how to contact them, but I know it's out there. Let me search alittle and get back to you. How about the national suicide hotline, they may be able to help get you to someone that can help. Crisis number - 1-800-suicide, Lifeline hotline 1-800-talk. These numbers may be able to direct you to a site or service in your area. Please use these as your wife is suicidal and at risk to herself.

Another possibility is the meds she is on. I know I had a bad reaction to some of my meds that made me injure more than usual. It might be worth a shot.

Also, when I had reached my limit of in patient stays, the hospital directed me to some Illinois numbers to help me. A state hospital. I would have had to pay, but on a sliding scale.


11/14/2008 07:13 PM
Storm6751
Storm6751  
Posts: 712
Senior Member

just,

that would be great can you please look into it for me love...

thanks its hard to do it from the other side of the country.... lol

thanks

Storm


11/14/2008 07:17 PM
Storm6751
Storm6751  
Posts: 712
Senior Member

hannah,

thank you for answering the sos i appreciate it and thank yo uand im proud of you for being so open love you come in leaps and bounds right in front of me... kudo's love kudos'..

big hugs

Storm

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