TRYING TO FIND WHAT GROUP I BELONG TO

I'm not sure if this is good or bad news. after 2 yrs of trying to have someone understand what I've been going through I'm more confused than ever. I'll start from the beginning. the pain weakness and dizziness started just weeks into my 2nd pregnancy. I tried explaining to my OBGYN every office visit, but she just thought I was a whiney preggo lady and told me it was just the pregnancy. I knew better. you know your own body.

then after my daughter was born it became worse. I went to my primary dr and he ran tests and told me to come back in 3mo. I couldn't wait 3mo!!! I went in every few weeks demanding something be done. I was having a very difficult time just caring for my new baby. then he diagnosed me with fibro. after putting me on meds I came back a few weeks later in terrible pain. he was prescribing be vicodin 500. really that's just an insult for the amount of pain I was in. he told me that the lyrica I was taking should take care of the pain.

after going to him and 3 other dr's for opinions and 1 1/2yrs later I told my dr I wanted more tests done because there was something else wrong. he became angry with me, rolled his eyes and sent me to a rheumy (he got tired of my complaining and wanted to push me on someone else)

well, I found my own rheumy and she went through my medical history. I've had 2 cervical fusions one in which one of my main arteries were severed and the dr didn't claim responsibility. (of course)

I was 30 yrs old, lived alone, divorced with a 9yr old son that cooked, cleaned, did laundry and he always made sure to check on his mom constantly and made sure I took my meds. It was a long road to recovery, but we pulled through it.

now, I know that fibro symptoms can mimic many other conditions, but these were new to me. the pain and fatigue is the worst. plus I'm losing strength and experience numbness in my extremeties.

the rhuemy ordered an MRI since I had 2 fusions, arthritis in the lumbar region and scoliosis. the results weren't good. I have cervical stenosis and may have permanent nerve damage since it's progressed and it took so long to diagnose. I have a bulged disc between the 6th/7th vertebrae pinching the nerves.

I was referred to a nuerosurgeon and when I made the appt I stressed the amount of fear I have. my rheumy said I would need surgery and I explained what happened during the first fusion. my rheumy also stated that I have lost so much strenght below the waist that I might not be walking in 6mo time without the surgery. I am terrified and the only person who is terrified along with me is my father. my sisters and mother think I'm just exaggerating since I've had numerous surgeries within the past year. I believe It's 11 so far. I'm praying that the surgery will have a good outcome and that I'll be able to raise and take care of my daughter the way she deserves to be.

I will be seeing the neurosurgeon this fri. he will go over my tests and make the final decision or (hopefully not) order more tests. I can't handle much more. my body is giving out on me and mentally I believe I can't hold myself together much longer. I've tried to buy life ins so my kids are taken care of in case anything were to happen, but every insurance co has denied me. I want them to live a comfortable life knowing that I provided for them.

thank you for reading. I needed to get this off my chest.

I am a very strong woman and even though there are times I feel like giving up.....I wont!!!! I am only 37 and I realize that there are people worse off than myself and that's what keeps me going. sometimes I have weak moments such as this one. I am lucky that I have a husband that is able to support me and the kids. even though he's not very supportive, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have him.