How do I cope with my partner

My partner of 2yrs has schizophrenia. He has been on and off medication during this time and has gone off it recently to try homeopathic (alternative) methods, and this has proved unsuccessful, but I am proud of him for trying. He has gone through a stage where he was not on medication and he was ok-not paranoid or distant-and then he had a relapse and became paranoid and had all the symptoms of this illness which forced him to go back onto the medication. During that time I stood by him and supported him,but he treated me very differently to others like his family, friends and especially strangers. He accuses me of taking his money, setting him up to be killed and of having affairs. I take time off work and used all my energies to ease his mind and calm him and even give him his space when he needs it. I am the person with him most of the time (we live together). He does not display this behaviour towards me in front of other people nor does he treat other people the way he does me. Why is this?? Why do I feel so hurt or am I just taking it too personally????? Please help me understand. This is the second time in our relationship he is schizophrenic and I decided not to be around as he has he support of others and I feel I am only aggrevating him and the same time become a basket case crying all the time,staying out of work and neglect myself. What must I do?

Unfortunately, schizophrenia is a life-long illness without a cure. The only treatment that works is medication. It takes a lot of patience to deal with someone who goes on-and-off of their meds. Therapy, homeopathic remedies, spiritual healing, and self-help techniques do not work. Those afflicted may have portions of their time where everything seems normal, but relapses always occur where the symptoms return. Although I have found that meditation can temporarily subdue the disorganized thinking and confusion, I've personally found that medication is the only thing that successfully alleviates the problem. The best thing that you can do is to be supportive of your partner's medication regimen.

I'm sorry that you've had to put up with such erratic behavior from your partner. This mistreating you when no one else is around is coming from feelings of inadequacy. It's most likely that his paranoia and confusion causes him to act out towards you because you are closest to him and in feeling that you are the one who looks up to him the most, he has a need to conceal his feelings with inappropriate behavior. These feelings of deficiency most probably come from feeling shame for his condition. Fortunately, the acting out is a tell and there is help available through psychiatric counseling so that he can learn that his mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. You should talk with him about this and see that he gets assistance in this regard.

You should also know that it can be very important to be tolerant when he is delusional without advocating that which is imagined to be true. You can be supportive, even agreeing with him if necessary, without conceding to his supposed belief being real. You should yield to the premise without validating the fictitious. It's theraputic. It stands to reason that if you show more belief in him, he will respond positively. His mindset is not like yours. His is disorganized when he's having symptoms and this affects interactions with everyone. If you were unsure of how your mind were acting, wouldn't you appreciate some human confimation that you still show a great deal of promise and that your thoughts still have meaning? I know I value it.

I hope this was helpful. If you need further assistance with your problem, please feel free to message me personally.

Warm regards,

Tala

Post edited by: Alisprinx, at: 04/14/2008 15:03

Post edited by: Alisprinx, at: 04/15/2008 14:40

He does seem to be calming down but it's taking too long, he's on a lower dosage which he chose as opposed to a higher dosage.

Anyway I have to go, again I want to thank you for you help.

Kindest regards, Leilei

Schizophrenia distorts the way a person thinks, acts, expresses emotions, perceives reality and relates to others. Odd or unusual behavior is often evident in schizophrenics, but symptoms usually can be controlled with proper treatment. Dangerous behavior like jumping out on the highway is a sign that he is on the wrong course of meds or not on a high enough dose. He can't be forced to take more meds than he wants to unless it's court ordered or he is committed, but if his behavior leads to him getting into trouble, he may see the light that the proper course of medications is the appropriate answer. I know it's harsh but it's true.

When I was off my meds a while back, I broke into my ex-wife's house three times on the premise that she had died. I was delusional in thinking that she had committed suicide and waited in her home each time to see if she was actually coming back or not. It's crazy I know, but the fact of the matter is that I was arrested, charged and went to jail for it and finally saw that staying on my meds was the proper thing to do. If the threat of causing himself difficulties isn't enough to deter his behavior, perhaps reminding him with gentle persuasion that taking the doctor recommended dosage of his meds is the best way to go.

I can't stress it enough that the correct regimen of medications returns the thinking to normal. If your partner's behavior continues to be odd you will either have to accept him that way or get him to see that he needs his meds monitored more closely and adjusted. Delusional thinking can make it extremely hard to distinguish between fact and fiction or right and wrong, and those things can be hard enough to determine sometimes when one is thinking normally so, it's very important for a schizophrenic to be medicated appropriately to avoid any actions that may lead to more affliction.

When it comes to dealing with unusual behavior, you have to realize that his actions are beyond your control. Remember that your inner strength can support and guide you to face challenges. You may also want to consider setting up a support network of your own to help you cope with situations like you've mentioned. You can always call upon your own personal power to prepare yourself for whatever may happen. You can liberate yourself from identifying yourself as being a part of the situation by recognizing that you are behaving correctly even if your partner is not. Be strong enough to adapt, but don't let your own strength be used against you. I hope things change for you for the better.

Sincerely,

Tala

Post edited by: Alisprinx, at: 04/15/2008 10:25

I have more advice for you. As you are tested you fund the power to avert blockage and defeat. People develop aversions to the conduct that creates stress. Since there is an obstacle in your path, consider that patience while you are waiting for your partner's medications to become theraputic would be beneficial. Don't be too eager to press forward because if his meds aren't working at an effective level, it's not the time that your influence would be effective either. You shouldn't become too hectic, nor be needy, nor drive yourselves towards the desired outcome. It's a good time to wait for the full benefit of the medications to eventually show results.

Also, foresight is called for since you don't know what he may do until the meds become fully active. It's good to foresee consequences before you act. Avert anticipated difficulties by continuing to do the right thing. Help make the decisions. Once a decision is clear, doing it becomes more effortless. Do things that are supportive and empowering. Take note that through the inconveniences and discomfort of dealing with a schizophrenic, you are furthering your own growth by being a good caretaker through a trying time. Remember that your own life has meaning so, set your own house in order, tend to business normally, be clear in your actions and motivations, and wait for your partner's will to return to normal.