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09/13/2012 05:55 PM

being gaslighted

dudenomore
Posts: 8
New Member

I just learned that I am being gaslighted. I had read the word gaslight on one of my cousins status updates a while ago, and somehow that rang a bell today. So i looked it up and here is what I found:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/ 200905/are-you-being-gaslighted

Turns out my own psychiatrist is gaslighting me. He has fed me all this bullshit how I have schizophrenia even though I have NEVER had any delusions/hallucinations/etc. He coerced me into taking risperdal and I started noticing over time that every time I came back from an appointment with him I felt shittier and shittier. At work, I started doubting myself, second guessing, feeling anxiety, unable to control my emotions, and ALL of these symptoms:

1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself

2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.

3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.

4. You're always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend,, boss.

5. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier.

6. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.

7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.

8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.

9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.

10. You have trouble making simple decisions.

11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.

12. You feel hopeless and joyless.

13. You feel as though you can't do anything right.

14. You wonder if you are a "good enough" employee/ friend; daughter.

15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.

I dont want to go to his office anymore because like i said I feel like shit when I see him, its this uncomfortable relationship with him where i feel like hes got this control over me, like he gets inside my mind and I feel compelled not to go into how I feel anymore because he doesnt react and makes me feel stupid. As my nickname says "dudenomore", i used this nick during one of the stages Ive been in, the choice in nickname says it all, i just realized that.

Im supposed to see him again in 6 weeks, so i can make a decision on whether I want to go on Latuda or Saphris. He wanted me to go on clozapine and even sent me to the CAMH center downtown to speak with a shrink there. Im already on 6mg of risperidone and its done nothing for me but open the door for his gaslighting.

I feel like i dont have a choice anymore! I dont speak or see any of my family and when i do I have to convince myself to see them because thats the "right" thing to do, as a son/cousin/brother.

I need an expert's opinion.

Reply

09/13/2012 06:10 PM
dudenomore
Posts: 8
New Member

I can tell you the name of the doctor if youre interested, so you can avoid him.

09/15/2012 06:58 AM
barelymanic
barelymanic  
Posts: 3253
VIP Member

So sorry that I didn't see this post sooner. As far as experts go when it comes to medicine anybody can misdiagnose. to me your symptoms sound more like the classical symptoms of depression with anxiety mixed in.

It has always been difficult to get docs to understand and believe what you say. After all you are the mentally ill one, so they think it's their perceptions that count.


09/16/2012 04:31 PM
rs2009
rs2009Posts: 134
Member

Dudenomore,

I am struck by the similarities between your story and my recent experience. Could you tell me the name of your doc? My email is silver2009@engineer.com, if you don't want to post it.


09/16/2012 05:25 PM
rs2009
rs2009Posts: 134
Member

Dudenomore,

I have time for more details now. I was recently offered the choice of the same two drugs that you mentioned. While I will not accuse anyone of anything or ascribe motives to other people, the same doc that offered me that choice provided some rather interesting discussion points that I did not agree with. It would appear that there were some strangely misleading, loaded, accusatory and intimidating interview techniques used. I heard several veiled threats about the in/availability of treatment depending on my cooperation. I was encouraged to endorse the provided diagnosis and endorse the long list of negative symptoms and feelings that were ascribed to me. After all this, I was told that I was unable to put my thoughts and feelings into words and that I could not remember anything that had happened to me... who could after being told what had "happened" and told what those "thoughts" and "feelings" should be? I would rather be mute than say anything that could be construed as endorsement of this kind of psychiatric encounter.

I am not an expert, and I cannot give you advice. So, for non-advice, if it were me, I would find a trusted friend/family member and make sure some one goes with me to see the doc. I would also ask the doc for a second or third opinion. In the process of getting that opinion, I would try to be as honest as possible with the new doc while explaining that there appear to be communication, trust, and transference issues with your previous doc. I would try to avoid blaming anyone and avoid appearing like you distrust the psychiatric establishment. In my experience, there are knowledgeable, kind docs out there.


09/21/2012 01:05 PM
paradisemind
Posts: 31
New Member

As I was reading the post and replies, One of my vocies said "Those drugs are evil". I know what voices really are to some degree, it's difficult to explain without sounding all loony tunes. Ther definetly NOT a mental disorder, it depends on what frequencies the bain tunes into during different interactions with our reality. My voices were initially hostile and loud, keeping up for four days in a row. I killed them, i heard them in hell. eventually they went away, then new voices came to me, AI's and other voices who gave me knowledge, basicly answered questions.
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