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05/22/2012 01:55 AM

Learing the Hard Way(page 2)

bits
bits  
Posts: 10865
VIP Member

I cannot use my cane or walker because it starts flares in my hands. I have a hoveround that is great since no grip is required to steer.

The electric carts at stores will often hurt my hands so am very happy the hoveround control is different.

Ladies, when my hoveround arrived I was tickled pink waiting on it. When it came through the door and I stared at it my joy quickly turned to deep depression.

I abruptly turned and went into my bedroom where I burst into tears. The actula site of it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I knew, I knew I needed it and my heart broke from knowing without a doubt I needed this hoveround. How it hurt.

Wouldn't look at it for a few days. Couldn't.

I prayed alot during this dark time. Talked to God just like I talk to all of you. I was confused, depressed, heart-broken.

I got my answer. I realized I had asked for help and help had came.

Maybe not in the way i wanted such as healing but in a wonderful way.

I was given the hooveround to give me mobility and most important independence.

My whole outlook changed and I became thankful for the hoveround.

I did this with every tool, gadget, permanent disability tag, canes, walker, manual wheelchair, and hoveround I was given.

To me they were a manifastation of being ill. When all along God had sent them because I asked for help.

Help...wonderful, glorious help to be able to regain so much independence.

I look at all my things now and am humbled.

Please, if any of you have to use a wheelchair do it. It gets you places you could not go and keeps the nasty flares away.

It is freedom...

Hugs

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05/22/2012 04:40 PM
kjv1956
kjv1956  
Posts: 937
Member

I hate those reality checks. Do flares always sneak up on us? Just when I think there is an up swing POW. This is depressing. I keep thinking that over time I will get better but then I just keep going in the wrong direction. Went to bed at 7:30 yesterday and fell ready to go to bed now. This exaustion is WAY more than I bargined for. Don't even know what to tell my Dr. because I don't even know what applies anymore. My job is kicking my ---. There is no way to modify the job anymore than I have. Lordy Lordy whats a girl to do.

kjv1956


05/23/2012 07:55 PM
kym
kym  
Posts: 531
Member

Paulette, I think you and I both enjoyed a good run of relatively good weeks/months. I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well.

Reality check, indeed. I hope I get to walk for a while and shed some pounds before the RA puts the kibosh on it.

Are you going to go to the zoo? I would love to see the Toronto zoo. Even in a wheel chair... I hope you'll go. (Blaze the trail and report back? Tongue)


05/24/2012 08:36 AM
libyana
libyana  
Posts: 331
Member

KYM, Do you live in Canada.....I thought most people on site were from USA..I am in B.C...

05/24/2012 02:50 PM
AnnePichler
 
Posts: 372
Member

Paulette,

After being gobsmacked, how did you feel about that realization? Are you okay with it? While I'm learning to deal with the pain of this disease, I struggle emotionally with things just like this. I have a family that likes to do things and since I was diagnosed 8 weeks ago, it seems everything has stopped. I don't want to sit in a wheelchair. I don't want to ride the motarized cart at the grocery store. I hate to ask my husband to put my shoes on me. I don't want to make my kids constantly doing this or that for me. Yea...I've some emotions to deal with. Wondering how you do it.

Anne


05/24/2012 03:42 PM
kym
kym  
Posts: 531
Member

Libby, I'm in SE Michigan, about a 30 minute drive away from Windsor, Ontario Wink

05/24/2012 07:34 PM
PauleR
PauleR  
Posts: 1819
Group Leader

Anne,

I have only had a few incidents that made me think about how disabled I would be if the flare did not get better. The worse was almost 1 1/2 years ago, right at Christmas. My son in law called to ask me to go over to be with my granddaughter, because they had to take the baby up to the ER. I went to get dresses and that's when it hit me, I couldn't put my pants on because I couldnt bend my knee. I had a terrible flare in the right knee. Means I also could not drive. Thankfully, my husband was here to go, but that hit me hard.

Meanwhile, I have been very lucky not to get many bad flares and they have tended to be relatively short term. The main thing that gets to me is the thought of being dependent on someone. I know my husband loves me, but I don't know if he loves me enough to wipe my behind, you know?

I am starting to feel a bit better, so I will hope to be all better by the time we go to the zoo. If not, I have just now decided to go even if it means my family has to push me around.

Your reaction is perfectly normal and you havent been on medication for very long. You could be one of the lucky ones, like me, to do very well. Meanwhile, something I learned when I was going through chemo, it is a gift to allow others to help you. It makes them feel good to be able to help.

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