Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group

my rant of the evening

Post edited by: claphappy, at: 04/20/2012 06:52 PM

What does your partner do about this kind of disrespect?

I wish you were treated better.

Hope things get better.

I would have your partner talk to him. Even if the kid doesn't want to learn, he needs to learn respect and keep his uninformed opinions to himself. It will only cause you more frustration and stress which we all know leads to more pain and longer flares.

I've been there with one of my sons. In all fairness, a healthy person does feel worse with to much sleep and lack of exercise so this is why they say the stupid things they say to a person in an autoimmune flare. They've never dealt with it so their brains just can't go there.

This from my same son who just called and now needs surgery for carpals tunnel and EMG showed arhtritis in neck. My first response was "I really hope you are not headed down my path" he admitted to being worried about that. My 2nd was "well, now you know things aren't always mind over matter and exercise will make things worse at times, right?" He's learning.

Edna has the energy level of a 30 year old. Quite amazing. Never has she made me feel less for my lack of it.

A few months ago she began having great difficulty with right hand. Especially thumb joint. Pretty much lost the use of it and terrible pain.

Thank goodness she was able to have surgery and is on the mend. The surgery was done in her neck. Seems problems were coming from there.

She told me until she had this pain/loss of use she really did not understand how I felt though she thought she did.

She told me how often she thought of if many of her joints felt this way how I must suffer and had gained a new understanding of RAD.

Even ones like Edna that do their best to understand and are truly concerned really ony have an idea of what we go through. Until something like this happens.

Heck, if I have a few good days even I began questioning if I really am as sick/ hurt as badly as I do. Almost like my mind wants to go into a denial mode.

I wish folks did understand RAD is more than pain. It makes us sick. Overwhelming fatigue, flu-like (BTW flu-like means exactly what it says FLU_LIKE), fevers...just plain old sickly.

donna, I think RAD folks have used mind over matter till we nearly lost our minds. Sorry your son is having serious issues. I bet he will have a far better understanding of what you experience daily.

Hugs

The most difficult emotion for us human beings to deal with may well be helplessness. What you are getting from your partner's son is HIS need for you to be ok, and feelings of powerlessness over the situation, so he tells you what you should or shouldn't be doing. What he's really saying is, "My world is different with your RA and if you'll only not have RA, or if you'll only act like everything is ok, then I'll be ok."

Yes, it comes across obnoxious or at the least inelegant and ignorant, but a lot of people are. His feelings of insecurity may be reflective of your own struggles in accepting this life-sucking illness. In other words, he might be voicing some of your own feelings of helplessness.

This is a good opportunity for him to grow up a little and understand that there are things that happen in life that are beyond our control to change, or at least the changes we need, or the sense of normalcy we seek, may take time to find. Your family have a new normal, and you will need his support going forward. Educate him as best you can about RA and ask him for his support. Give him concrete things he can do to help make things better, which may help him to have some sense of control in the situation.

All that said... well yes, that sort of "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" attitude never helps anyone. It's about their need for you to be ok. Not your needs. Your RA is all about you and what you need, and you deserve support, not the additional task of taking care of other people's feelings and needs. Take good care of yourself.

Just two cents. Hope some of it helps.