Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group

Sigh...

The RA symptoms are creeping back in. Well, not really creeping more of a fast walk back in.

I had the ESI about 12 days ago. It was a beautiful 12 days.

We ate out often and I ate so well there were no leftovers to bring home. We shopped, went to church, I cooked/baked, and was able to keep my home straightened between house cleaners visits.

Chuck and I have sat in the living room together having stimulating conversations, laughing, dreaming...

Hannah and Kman have spent the night several times during this period.

I have played with them often.

Of course, not every minute was feeling well. There were some hours mixed in with the many, many hours of feeling well. Just was far more good than bad.

I walked well, energy good, pain greatly diminished with help of pain meds...so much better controlled than before.

But...this morning I knew...I knew I must go back. I cannot hold the door shut. I cannot will it away. I cannot change what is to be.

Without RA meds I am vulnerable.

It took me hours after awakenening from a long nap to gain enough energy to bath and then go out to a close restaurant for a late supper.

It was a late supper because we had to wait till I had enough energy to dress, walk to the car, drive 8 miles to the restaurant.

Sigh...

By 10pm I was holding to walls to move around. My body is saturated in Vick's Salve, heating pad is on constantly, and pain meds are not working as well as before.

My hoveround is beside me.

I never know just how sick I am till I am well. It is then I know I truly am sick.

Like, during well periods, I can stand back and study "me" objectivly. Almost like looking at a different person. Except, I know how it feels.

And I want to weep for that person.

But I don't weep because I also know the "well" me and the "sick" me are simply me.

Me... a person with RA. Me...thru good times and bad. Me...evermore changing. Me...full of love, laughter, and yes, tears at times.

Me.

I love me. Very much.

Hugs

Then, when by faith or medicine you are in a well period, you look back and you see how really, really, really BIG the monster can be, and you are amazed at yourself, for how much and how far you pushed. And you realize, in its true dimension, how much of a hero you are.

God bless you Bits. Always praying for more good times in between.

Will take me a few days to adjust.

I will.

Always have...always will.

A good thought...

this cup of coffee is good. Scalding hot, triple spoons of Coffeemate, warms my hands, mouth, tummy, and heart.

Yes, this coffee is good....

Hugs

I slept all night and most of today. When I woke there was a jar of Poor Man's Soup and a couple of cornbread squares sitting on my end table (beside comfy chair). Our daughter, Christy, sent this with Chuck after running into him at her job.

She had brought it for her lunch but decided her mama needed it more. Very kind.

Homemade soup is something I crave when I feel badly. And she is a fab cook.

I feel somewhat better but far from well.

House cleaners will be here tomorrow. I have nearly finished my washing for today. Always wash my area rugs, shower curtains, and bedspreads before they come just for the fresh smelling factor.

I hope I have the energy to bathe my tiny dogs. It really is easy. They need to be fresh just like the rugs...LOL!

Chuck is making supper tonight. Grilled steak, baked potato, garden salad. It will be a late supper but that is ok. We eat when we are hungry. Supper should be ready around 9pm.

Again, thank you my dear friends for prayers and good thoughts.

Hugs

Though my hair is askew, my face has paled, and I am bent over hobbling...I feel so pretty.

Wow...homemade soup, pretty pjs, Chuck fixing supper....Thank you, Lord.

Relish every moment of your messy hair, happy belly, and pretty pj's ..surrounded by your loving family ( and pets).

I hope everyone gets to the stage of looking back and thinking "that was really awful. I am so happy that I no longer feel that way".

Post edited by: PauleR, at: 02/06/2012 09:29 PM