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10/04/2011 05:56 AM

why do i hate to admit I hurt

JACKIEH
JACKIEH  
Posts: 440
Member

Honestly, I dont know, I very rarely write how I feel pain wise but I think that i ignore it a lot, but today I want to cry, its about 5 weeks since I had shingles and from that time my meds were stopped, I started the mxt on Saturday but I hurt, I hurt a lot, my fingers are swollen, my toes and ankles are swollen, I feel sick, even my shoulders hurt. Sleep eludes me, I lay down but when you do that you feel the pain more and it takes ages to get to sleep without feeling the pain, usually 6 in the morning. I very raely say I wish I didnt have RA, because its one of those things life throws at us, and I would rather I had it than someone I love. But today enough is enough, I have had too much to deal with, too long without my meds and i would just love to go somewhere and be put to sleep till the inflamation dies down.

i also feel somewhat ashamed writing this because i know there are so many ofyou who suffer so much more than i.but for today i will allow myself to wallow in self pity because tomorrow is another day

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10/04/2011 06:24 AM
bits
bits  
Posts: 10865
VIP Member

I was once told by a very wise woman to never compare my pain to another's. Any pain.

Pain is such a personal thing. It hurts. It can come and go...but with chronic pain it usually comes more than goes.

It can stop the simplist thing...for instance brushing one's hair or...taking a bath. It can come out of nowhere and strike with no warning.

It can change laughter to tears all at once...no matter how happy and satisfied you are with your loved ones and life in general.

It doesn't care that you have faith in God or what you find peace in.

It is no respecter of people. Babies, toddlers, children, teen-agers,young men and women, middle-aged, and elderly are stricken regardless of money, religion, race, etc...

Loved ones try to help but...it is sooo deep inside...they can only reach the top of the flames. And in doing so...they, themselves, get burned and we... cry for them.

Never, ever be ashamed for talking about pain. It is real. And it lives with us.

I know how you feel and it is good to let it out. As you said, dear friend..."Enough..."

Gentle hugs


10/04/2011 08:22 AM
gettingoldsucks
gettingoldsucks  
Posts: 3430
Senior Member

See...for me, it is that "enough" point we reach at times that no longer allows us to just ignore it and get on with those around us as if nothing is hurting. I have a sis I share everything with. She has an arthritic shoulder and a bad back that goes out on her occasionally. She lives with some pain occasionally. She tells me alot to just ignore "it". I have told her I do most of the time as long as I am not in a flare heavy enough to cripple me. Just because I haven't told you in a couple weeks I am hurting, doesn't mean I am not. I am, on a daily basis. This is my ignorable level. When i start talking about it, it is because the pain has increased greatly and I am at that "enough" point that is no longer easy to ignore. I asked her once how high she thinks her pain tolerance is. She replied that when her back goes out the pain could not ever get worse and she believes she is capable of ignoring anything. Now to me, I know from experience of believing things could never get worse and each flare it does, I know she has yet to experience that want to crawl in a hole and die pain. Her back has never prevented her from walking. That is not a crippling pain. I've told her to take that back pain, multiply it by 100, and put it in every joint and muscle in your body. Add severe fatigue, no sleep, migraines, no appetite, the depression that sets in, and all the side symptons all at once and tell me you could still ignore it, wake up happy everyday and go to work like nothing is wrong and still perform at 100%. She just stayed quiet. She cannot fathom that there is a pain great enough to prevent a person from even brushing their teeth. I love her to death but even she does not get that there is an "enough" point only because she has never reached it.

There is nothing wrong with sharing and talking about what you are dealing with, with your support system, especially here. That is what this group is for. I really hope you can get back on your meds soon and they help quickly, Jackie. Bits is right that you can't compare yourself to anyone else.

Hugs, Donna


10/05/2011 05:19 AM
bits
bits  
Posts: 10865
VIP Member

I think we hate to admit pain has gotten so bad because there is a fear in it. You wonder how long your body/mind/spirit can survive in so much agony. Actually, a reasonable thought.

The pain levels can reach so high I think we kinda lose our minds for awhile. Then only seconds before we are pushed over the edge it begins backing off...till..relief comforts us. And our relief is not that pain is gone just that has become bareable.

Yes, I believe this. Because I have experienced it...more than once.

praying for all to find easement and beautiful moments today.


10/05/2011 11:53 AM
JACKIEH
JACKIEH  
Posts: 440
Member

I wish my pain was easing but its not, I am pinching my mum's tramadol cos the pain killers I have dont do anything, I am thinking of going to my rheumy tomorrow, was going to wait til friday but...............
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