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12/08/2011 07:59 PM

Not Making It

maddiesgram
maddiesgram  
Posts: 2330
Senior Member

I'm truly sorry (and ashamed)to post this, and I truly don't want to have a pity party, but I've been crying all day and can't stop. Of course, this doesn't help with the pain.

It feels like it's all just too much. PAIN, loneliness, PAIN, lack of money, PAIN, son not talking to me, PAIN, Christmas too hard, PAIN, can't get tree decorated, PAIN, why is my son so mean to me, PAIN, how am I going to sell my house, PAIN, on and on and on PAIN.

Have any of you ever cried all day and not be able to stop? I've used 2 boxes of kleenex. Really. My poor dog is upset and doesn't know what to do. If I stop for a few minutes, it just starts again, but this afternoon I couldn't even stop at all.

Tonight I need to get some things at Walgreens like one RX and some more tissues, but I can't stop crying to go. What do you do? I've been sick all week which brought me down some. And, I was up all night last night and couldn't sleep despite meds taken. I feel like it's just too hard. Maybe I'm a self-centered baby. I didn't use to be.

Even here I read about others and truly care about them, but while I do read and write to them tears are just flowing down my face the whole time. Is this very abnormal? How do you stop crying when the pain inside just won't stop? I honestly don't know. I'm so tired.

Love y'all,

gail

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12/08/2011 11:51 PM
scorpioj
scorpioj  
Posts: 1397
Group Leader

Gail,

Sorry that you are having such a tough time right now. You have no need to apologize or feel ashamed.You are not a self-centred baby,you are in pain and have a valid reason to feel what you feel.It's ok to cry today, tomorrow you may be able to smile again. Pain alone is reason to cry,but add to it the loneliness from isolation(not working or out to socialize), lack of money(very stressful-I know,I live it every day),your son's distance toward you(hard to cope with child not being close to you and loving towards you),the expectations of the Christmas holiday being so high, and the though of selling your home would make anyone cry. The fact that you have been sick certainly compounds the difficulties you are daeling with.

Don't worry about getting your script and kleenex when you are in such pain,go tomorrow. I hope you will have a night of rest to help you feel refreshed and more able to tackle errands- lack of sleep makes everything worse. Remember that though you are in a dark place now, you will be back in a brighter place again. We are here with love, support and understanding for you to make the journey a little easier and to light your way with a brighter perspective.

Rest well and may you smile as you rise to face another day,

scorpioj


12/09/2011 01:17 AM
rsdcrpsfire
rsdcrpsfire  
Posts: 2023
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Gail

I talked to you quite a bit in the Advisory Group, I am very much thinking of you and wish there was something I could do for you. Some of the posts I don't believe you've had a chance to read yet. I'm praying you are sleeping right now.

I hope the things I posted to you might help some. At least for thought, possibilites or dismissals.

Just trying to think of anything I can that might assist you some how. Brainstorming.

Luv ya too,

~Twinkle


12/09/2011 04:06 AM
Jen28
Jen28  
Posts: 108
Member

Gail, it's okay to cry uncontrollably - still not fun, but it IS okay. I did it last week - couldn't even start my work day. I had to walk past all of my coworkers at the front office (crying), and go to the school secretary and ask for a sub (crying), went to my Dr. offices for records (crying), drove around crying uncontrollably in the car, sat in the new pain Dr. office trying to get an appointment (crying) - they had to bring me into the office instead of letting me sit out in the lobby! It was a really embarrassing day, to say the least. I don't know if it's normal, but please know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. My family's been pretty distant about this, too, and with my spread last week I just felt so frightened and hopeless that day. I forced myself to keep doing things to 'make progress' of some sort, though - and then finally crawled in bed and took a little bit of Xanax. Shoulda done that earlier, I think! I really think a lot of us would benefit from having local support groups, too. How great it would be if we all lived closer! My mom was in A.A. and a 'post-polio syndrome' support group, and she always had people she could call. They could meet up to talk, go out for a cup of coffee, and just be there to help each other through the hard times. You would think there was a 'chronic pain' support group in each town! Our pain docs might be able to tell us about any that exist. Has anyone else benefited from that? Gail, I hope today is better for you Smile Don't beat yourself up, sweetie. You're doing the best you can, and that's what matters! Take care.

12/09/2011 06:33 PM
maddiesgram
maddiesgram  
Posts: 2330
Senior Member

Thank you everyone for your support. I'm deeply grateful that you would be so nice to me when I didn't feel like I could go on. Today is not a miracle, but I'm not crying as much. When I couldn't stop yesterday it really scared me... it felt like I would never be OK again. It helps to read such kind words of encouragement.

Scorpioj, thanks for not judging me and for being so compassionate. I do think that being tired from sickness and lack of sleep made everything even more black. I try to remember when I get down or the pain seems like too much that it will get better again, but sometimes like yesterday I couldn't believe it. Thanks for your words of wisdom and caring spirit that truly I could feel. I appreciate it so much.

Twinkle, thanks so, so much for all your brainstorming and trying to help! I sure did appreciate all the ideas and time spent trying to come up with something that might pull me out of my situation. I've not given up on everything even though most just are sadly not available for me. You're so helpful to all of us here and last night was really very hopeless feeling for me. Thanks for letting me know that I wasn't alone.

Jen, you are so very sweet. Your day last week sounds similar to my yesterday. I'm so sorry you went through that... I knew last week you were having a very hard time and hope that you're more encouraged now with some new plans for treatment. I do think it would be great to be in a support group. There is one about an hour from me but it's a morning group, and I'm not moving yet, and the amount of walking to get into the hospital where it is was very painful to do (I went once) and the drive is just too far for me. If it was in the town next to mine I'd always go. It would be so wonderful if we all lived near each other!! Often I've wanted to go take flowers to someone else, or have a cup of coffee with another. I would love to have been able to encourage you last week and go with you if you needed me. I am grateful, though, that we have this. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Thanks for always being so very kind.

You guys mean so much to me,

gail

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