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04/04/2010 06:30 PM

no intimacy

canttrustanyone
canttrustanyone  
Posts: 11
Member

Since my husband got injured which will be a year on the 16th, we have had almost no physical contact. I can't remember the last time we kissed intimately or that he has even seen me naked or touched me. I'm so lonely. You know how RSD makes a person different, so we are barely friends as it is. I love him, but how long do I live like this?? He says I should go find someone to have sex with and that he doesn't care. I feel like if I did I would either fall in love (which I can easily separate love & sex, but my situation now, I'm longing for love so bad I don't know what would happen), or I'd get sick and be filled with regret forever. I feel like I have no life and I'm sad 95% of the time. I'm not a mean person, I understand what he is going through, but I just don't know what to do??? Any advice? I'm not joking, this is serious. Thanks

Post edited by: canttrustanyone, at: 04/04/2010 06:31 PM

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04/04/2010 06:55 PM
donnabrawley
 
Posts: 50
Member

I'm sorry but...I don't think this forum is the place for this post.

04/04/2010 08:29 PM
Fletch2ya
Fletch2ya  
Posts: 3183
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

HI....I am sorry but I think this is the perfect place for this post.... RSD has its effects in many many ways... .so we are here to support anyone that has it or has been effected by it........ Cant... you are welcome here...please if you like you can PM any one of the leaders and we would be glad to talk to you about what is bothing you........

Craig


04/04/2010 09:23 PM
DarkPain
DarkPain  
Posts: 366
Member

Dear RSD family,

I struggle with posting on this thread or to send this as a PM to the poster. I don't choose to offend anyone nor do I seek to change one's beliefs in any way. With that I post this link in hopes of perhaps helping not just the poster but others who silently struggle with this issue.

I have been married 26 years this June and have struggled with this same issue. My lovely bride and I share intimacy, yet in ways that will remain private. There are no secrets and we here are adults. I realize there might be young ones here who might be challenged to view this link.

Wow! I know that more than 50% of the internet includes nudity as seen in my opinion as perverted and in a very disgusting way. So what I wish to do is offer this site as a proven site where dignity and purity are tiered to the utmost degree of intimacy and godly respect.

There are also counselors who might make contact with you if you register and share your concerns. I think I know most adults here, so if you wish to know this site, please message me requesting the URL. I changed my mind in mid post to keep this site off the public viewing.

I will offer this promising that it is not perverted nor is it seen as intimacy in a social manner. People with RSD can be intimate in ways that have value to loved ones. I say this with dignity and with hopes that others might benefit from this site.

One thing I do promise is that I will keep your dignity and your openness in your request 100% confidential. I will send you the URL and delete your PM. I have no desire to reveal your request and know any information other than your request of the URL.

Do not share with me other than your request. I have too much struggle in my own life in this area of my marriage. While I have chosen to be open with this poster and you as sensitive adult readers here, I offer this URL in prayer for you and your own intimacy choices. I will respect your request and keep it as safe information.

To the poster. Please send me a personal message if you wish to know this website that might be of interest to you. Once again, there is no perversion nor is sexual intimacy seen as anything other than a beautiful relationship between two individuals.

I have done my very best to be discrete and revealing for the benefit of those here who struggle as I do. As well please respect my own intimacy and avoid asking me unanswerable questions from my experiences.

I hurt for those families and individuals who really struggle with this very issue. God bless you and yours. As an upward prayer I hope this information will be of value to you.

With great respect,

Dark Pain


04/05/2010 06:31 AM
Lookinglass

I understand that alot of rsd'ers have lost relationships with family,friends and ruined marriages from this curse.

But Craig's right. This is an issue of rsd and shouldn't be treated as well dirty.

Most of us with this have had changes in this as well. Some that are single are scared to even go there. How to make someone aware of what we can and can't do is just daunting. So most of the time it's just avoided.

Can't ~ I'm the one with rsd in our home. My hubby is very patient with me. We've had to relearn ways to have intimacy without causing me pain. Not an easy thing to do. But you as a woman knows that sex doesn't equal intimacy. But it has to be more difficult for the nonafflicted partner to understand how bad this pain can be of how the smallest thing can get this pain on the rise. And how the drugs affect us in this area,how the depression and expectations overwhelm us.

We have found ways to overcome this as well as all the other things that rsd has thrown at us.


04/05/2010 08:45 AM
revvanbus
revvanbus  
Posts: 2032
VIP Member

Those who have no wish to see this topic can just skip reading mwssages in it. Just don't get too graphic or we'll have to close it else we'd be x-rated (~; But this is an important part of relationships that can be badly damaged by RSD/CRPS. I know even chaste hugs are often so painful to me they rate 50 on the 10 point pain scale and leave me unable to move, talk, do more than swallow additional pain meds someone else gets for me (the someone who hugged me, not knowing how much it would hurt if light taps were involved).

Perhaps that will give those readers who are partners to the sufferers of RSD/CRPS understand just how painful even gentle touches can be.

Sending hugs (the kind that don't hurt).

Rev. Maryanne


04/05/2010 05:01 PM
canttrustanyone
canttrustanyone  
Posts: 11
Member

I'm sorry if I offended anyone in any way. I've never been a cheater, and as one said, it is intimacy is more than sex. When I posted, I had even though about children being on here, but I get I sort of assumed this was more of an adult site even though I am aware that children get it. I also agree, if you don't like the topic, don't read it, and I also believe, if you have kids who aren't old enough to know about sex, they shouldn't be on the internet without supervision. With that said... I know there are other things to do, I know RSD hurts, and I know the drugs cause side effects. My problem is, my husband is not interested in ANYTHING, his RSD is in his leg and foot and I don't need to touch it, and I had been blaming this on drugs for a long time until I realized (the details don't really matter) that it wasn't about the drugs, it's just mental, and he's not interested. It's not that he is unable physically. I cherish my husband and that part of our relationship (which went from 100% to zero)or I wouldn't have asked for help from people who might have an answer before I possibly throw my marriage away. I don't think I have written anything offensive in either post. Thank you for the PM and the website, I haven't gotten there yet, but will. I don't come on here a lot and have it set to be notified of responses of my post and wasn't so I wouldn't have seen them for awhile. We are almost not even friends, we are hardly even roomates, maybe bad ones. I have to blame it on the disease still because our life has turned into nothingness in general. We are both in therapy, I was just trying to get more help wherever I can, and I thought this was a good place to do it. Thank you for your responses. Sincerely, Julie

04/05/2010 08:48 PM
scorpioj
scorpioj  
Posts: 1392
Group Leader

Hi Julie,

We share the same name and the same lack of intimacy issue in many ways. My significant other has had chronic back pain for years and has within the last month become depressed to the point of wanting to see me as a friend, but not as a lover. We are remaining friends, and still share some forms of intimacy just not the complete intimacy I want to return to. I only see him once a week and can only briefly hug him and give him a quick kiss. We used to be together most days and evenings, but now he is at his place and I am at mine. He is struggling with depresion and getting counselling, I hope this will help him soon. Perhaps your hubby is dealing with depression and could benefit from counselling? Just a thought to consider.With pain that is constant comes depression.

You are in my thoughts and prayers for your intimacy to return and your marriage to survive,as I pray for my relationship to. Don't give up without a damn good fight, if you love each other it is worth fighting for.If you have given it a fair shot with time for progress toward the goal, nothing changes or improves and you are in complete misery, well you will know when it is time to call it quits. I hope that is not the case.

I wish you well,

scorpioj


04/06/2010 07:49 AM
Lookinglass

You haven't offended me. This is a very real part of rsd and the depression that it brings. As long as things don't get too graphic on here things will be fine for this thread.

When I first got rsd,I fell into this deep depression for 3 yrs. And the meds made me not care about living or enjoying intimacy. And it made it so it wasn't pleasurable to me at all. Nor was I frustrated either. It was like it just shut down my libedo. Only when I came out of it and came off the anti-depressant did I feel like I could enjoy that part of life again.

My husband was incredibly patient with me. I had to relearn how to do alot of things to keep the pain tolerable. And this was one of them. But we found non elivating ways to find eachother again. He's had to make so many changes and eventually we found a new normal. I think I'm very blessed to have him. And even more blessed cause he was in for the long haul.

Please understand that this has such a devasting effect on us. That we feel the signifcant other deserves better than we can give them. And we try to release them of the vows they took or condone them having an outside relationship for that part of life. But it hurts tremdously when they bale on us. Even though were pushing them away.


04/06/2010 11:13 AM
rsdcrpsfire
rsdcrpsfire  
Posts: 2023
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Cant

You have not offended me either. I am not certain, but I don't think younger members would be offended either. This may be something in their own futures they can learn to have a heads up on now.

I've been married nearly 24 years. The injury that caused my CRPS occurred when I was 32, I'm 41 now. This is an important topic. I don't think you are a bad person at all.

It takes courage to seek help. He may still be in denial and that may last a long time. It seems his sole focus is his injury and his pain. We've all been there. I hope that eventually he will re evaluate his feelings and emotions and maybe you can alter yours a bit too so that the two of you can come together again in some happiness and intimacy.

This illness does take an awful lot out of us. It's consuming more than not. Our other half's (spouses, significant others) often suffer just as much as a result.

In a way it's the ultimate test, in another way, it's just not fair at all.

There's so much he can try to do for you to help ease your frustrations, he just isn't focused on it yet. Again all he's seemingly focused on is pain and more than likely how life has drastically changed. It may take much more time.

I wish you the very best,

~Twinkle

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