Rape Support Group

I think we are all familiar with some form of this question that gets tossed around in our heads to the point that it's like some sort of hypnosis. "Why didn't I fight? Why didn't I fight harder? I SHOULD have fought. I SHOULD have fought harder." Etc etc.

Well. I'm sure many of us know of the "fight or flight" response that has evolved in most animals. There are two other responses that are much less known, but just as normal and functional. They are called "freeze" and "fawn". I've known about these two for a year or so, but recently one of my all-time favorite bloggers wrote about the "freeze" response and mentioned it specifically in regards to sexual assault. I'll provide a link to the whole article below, but here is an exert.

"Basically it goes like this:

You notice a potential threat in the environment and your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol and things, which prepares your various organ systems to cope with that threat.

And your body does a fast assessment of that threat.

If it determines that this is a threat that it can cope with best by trying to escape, you get FLIGHT, which we experience as fear… and anxiety and worry and concern and all the emotions we cluster generally as different intensities of fear.

If your body determines that this is a threat it can cope with best by trying to conquer it, you get FIGHT, which we experience as anger. And rage. And irritation or annoyance… all the diverse intensities of anger.

If – and this is the one you don’t hear about – your body assess the threat decides its best option is to shut down, wait for the threat to pass or wait for a solution to come from outside the situation, then you get freeze. We might experience freeze as numbness or as feeling “stunned” or overwhelmed, and in the long term we can experience it as depression.

For the central nervous system nerds out there, fight and flight are sympathetic nervous system and freeze is parasympathetic. For the non-CNS nerds, fight and flight are like slamming your foot on the gas pedal. Freeze is slamming on the brakes.

One of the stressors that actives fight/flight/freeze is sexual assault (though not just sexual assault) and may survivors wonder what went wrong with their bodies; why didn’t they fight back? why couldn’t they run or kick or even scream? Answer: nothing went wrong with your body, everything went right. Your body decided that its best hope for survival was to shut down, freeze. And it worked. You did survive. How do I know you survived? Because here you are, reading this."

Answer: nothing went wrong with your body, everything went right

Did you all get that, lovely survivors, beautiful people? You aren't broken.

She goes on to say...

"So. Freeze. It’s a thing. If you’ve experienced freeze, your job is to gently ease your foot off the brakes, let the stress response finish (this will feel weird and if you have an emotion dismissing background it might take some practice to get used to the idea that it’s okay to allow this stuff to happen). It takes time. You’ve got time. Okay."

http://www.thedirtynormal.com/2012/03/10/freeze/

That was great Izzy! Thank you for sharing!

Wow, that is a question I have often asked myself and the answer makes sense.

Thanks for that izzy

T

This brought me so much comfort. I often feel like a deer caught in the headlights, and it's been very frustrating, thinking that something about my response was damaged. The important thing now, as she says, is to let the foot off the brake...expressing anger, meditation, exercise, you have to get that tension out.

Thanks Izzy, i learned about this in my class.

Thankyou Izzy, I sure have asked myself that over and over. I tell myself that normally that I could have pushed him off me but that night I didnt have the strength to keep fighting him. I was asking myself that question the other day "why didnt I fight hard enough"

Thanks for the information

Ive read it a few times now. It has made me think differently

I am always glad to help

The "freeze", or "Deer in headlignts" response I have heard many times. One of the somatic healing books books that I have talks in great detail about this response and how it has evolved for protection. It is a very interesting response and goes a long way in helping survivors to understand that their response was and is perfectly normal. However your bringing it up has reminded me of all that I have learned on the subject and helped me to remind a few others about the response. Just because many of us experience this response, does not make us feel anymore normal than those that can and do fight back. Having resources like this help us to realize that we are not broken, but just adapting to the surroundings as all humans do.

Brenda

Hi! I fought back and I beat repeatedly in my head and lost my hearing. I have two hearing aides but they trigger me and remind me y I'm wearing them and I get set off into that place I hate. I then after to much beating froze and I gave in. I think thats y I blame myself because I did not win the battle and he created my war that follows me today. I held myself as a prisoner in my own cell and I found a trauma therapist working on so many issues with her. I think in therapy I will find the key to unlock my cell.

Thank you Izzy!