Rape Support Group

You think you won. I know you brag about how good you are at manipulating, but you know what? Guys who are so great at it don't have to pick on young teen girls. You're pathetic. I know all of your games, I know your every move. You're so predictable. What you got from me can't compare to everything I know about who and what you are. It sucks that it took what you did to get me to this point. I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you for the virus you so carefully implanted into my brain. You could not have been more wrong. I AM worth EVERYTHING. I am NOT useless. I am BEAUTIFUL. Just because you stomped all over my boundaries and treated my body as your personal shithole DOES NOT MAKE IT SO. You don't deal in reality, and as hard as you try, you can't re-write it. I know you are trying with MY daughter. She's not yours, by the way. You will never be a parent. You can throw as many legal tantrums as you want but she will never be yours. She is her OWN and I'm fighting your poison tooth and nail.

I hate you. I hope you rot in hell.

That is all.

Sincerely,

Myself.

Dear God-brother

We were raised right next door to each other from babies. You knew everything about me and I knew thought I knew everything about you. I told you all my secrets/inter thoughts/hopes/ dreams etc… you knew me more than anyone ever will. I thought we were going to have a fun evening of playing cards and watching movies but you wanted so much more from me. You took something away from me that wasn't yours to take,You took my innocence. I can never get that back. How in the hell could you do that to me. I said no/stop/I didn’t want this over and over but you wouldn’t stop. Why didn’t you stop??? I didn’t do anything to lead you on. Why in the hell did you choose me? Did I have a target on my back that said I wanted sex with my brother of all people?

You made me want to kill myself. You made me afraid of all people. I can’t ever trust a man again. You call yourself a man, I real man would not have to force himself on a woman. You are a sorry excuse for a man, a weak ass SOB. Then you have the nerves to say you love me and want to be with me. BULLSHIT!!! You don’t hurt someone you love. YOU DON’T RAPE YOUR SISTER!!!! You are SICK, SICK, SICK!!!!

BUT wait I want to thank you too, I have Azia & Zyasia. And if it’s the last thing I do, I promise you that you will never see them/be a part of their lives.

P.S. go FUCK yourself, you sick bastard!!!

I wouldnt care if I never see you again!!!

Tot

Post edited by: tot35, at: 02/28/2012 04:18 PM

clemaire thank you too, I cried as i typed it but it do feel good to let it out

Dear my rapist,

I guess it's no concern to you that everything seemed to turn on me. It's how you had expected it to be, since you started saying "Nobody will believe you and then....I'm not abusing you". Yeah...in your mind surely you didn't abuse me or rape me either. But that's what it was, RAPE and not sex... Rape is all about control and you always were obsessed with it. So...you did it. No matter how many people will believe you or believe me but you did it. Your neighbours, family, friends, even police, not believing me won't ever change the fact you abused me for nearly one year or the 4 times you forced me to have sex in a way I didn't like.

And it's so horrible what happened with the police, so prone to turn on the victims and more concerned to find evidence about me lying than you raping me. Oh yes, you were smart and cunning, you fooled them. But don't even think I won't fight back, that I won't stand up for my rights.

Your humble, simple physical appearance always hid an arrogant, pompous ass ready to take over any woman. I'd bet even Sabrina and Sarah were abused, they just didn't talk or maybe they never got back their self-confidence. Or maybe, like I did, they just didn't know that what you were doing to them was illegal.

When I started seeing things like they were, it was like opening a dam and everything came out all of a sudden, in a new perspective though, you finally showing your true colours. the happy 3-4 weeks I had enjoyed at the beginning became only a distant memory, the prologue to a long-term abusive relationship. You always acted like I couldn't ever please you in any way, you always made me feel guilty for everything, you even gave me grief for an innocent comment on Facebook.

Worst of all, your negative vision of myself became my vision of myself. You always thought I was this worthless, silly, negative woman because you were projecting yourself into me and I ended up believing it.

You had been disrespecteful and abusive for so many months that I ended up disrespecting myself accepting your ideas, your anger, your thirst for control and your violence as part of the relationship, as part of a behaviour I was supposed to accept no matter what.

I downgraded myself to think rape was acceptable in a relationship. I didn't ever mention to you how much you had hurt me, the pain and the bleeding... what for? I was a silly casualty in your mission to fill only your needs, you knew very well I had told you to stop and didn't bother to do it. Yoiu never cared about another human being, it's just not you. You're an ABUSER, and abusers only care about themselves and their needs.

Yeah I lied to you, lies is what you needed to keep the relationship going and I needed to lie to you too, not because I had something to hide but because the most important thing for me was "NOT LOSING YOU". And in order to achieve that goal, I ended up stepping on my pride, my dignicy, my feelings, my values, my body, everything... Was it worth it? Of course NOT. Now this idea makes me even smile, I was desperately holding onto an abuser and a rapist.

Nothing I could do was enough to please you, nothing I could do could affect your feelings, it's a pity it took me so long to understand you had none.

NO feelings, NO conscience, NO guilt, NO love to give to anyone.

You've always been EMPTY inside. While I had to stand the upmost humiliation in being detained at a police station thanks to your bullshit (I had never set foot in one, contrarily to you!), you were holidaying with your friends, partying and getting drunk..maybe celebrating "Oh look I'm so cool!! I got away with rape and domestic abuse, all charges were dropped!!" It must feel good to fool the justice system, it probably made you feel powerful.

Funny, who knows if you use the same tactics to "recruit" your victims. probably you do. Still wondering where the guy who was T-Total, who loved the country life, who was allergic to parties because he was anxious, who didn't like dancing, ended up in one year. I guess it was an old trick of yours, probably you even recycle your old email any time you find an idiotic woman to use and abuse.

I'm not scared, not anymore. You made me live in fear for so long that I was even frightened about my own shadow in the end.

No more threats, no more sexual blackmailing, no more terrifying me with your behaviour "don't do this or I'll get pissed". YOUR POWER OVER ME IS OVER.

My life took off the day I threw the relationship with you in the bin. Of course. You're a loser jealous of people who were born to be winners. That's why you feel powerful in abusing women in vulnerable situations or moments of their life. And I'll win in the end and you'll lose. I'll win over prejudice, over the stigma surrounding rape victims, over false rape myths, over people believing that to be an abuser and a rapist is cool and you can get away with it.

Before closing the letter, I need to add something... All abused women I had contacts with on the online forums shared a common point... their ex abusers and partners all thought they were great in bed but they were not. Easy to understand why, a selfish lover doesn't make a good lover at all.

So the fact you've a big d*** means nothing because you always bloody sucked in bed. Well it couldn't be any different because I acknowledged you like to use it to hurt a woman and not to give her pleasure.

I can't even hate you, I only pity you. The only way you can be happy and live a fulfilling life is abusing people. I'm convinced it makes you feel important and worthy to destroy the self-confidence and self-esteem of vulnerable women, the power of domination and control inebriates you.

I've now a brilliant future in my studies, I found my Prince Charming and every day became like a confirmation of how beautiful life is. Don't hide behind the excuse I could harbour ill feelings, I've none. It's already enough of a punishment to see that you brought disgrace upon your family, the only one who was supporting you.

Merlin

The original letter was also posted on my blog http://www.merlinscot.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/letter-to-jl- my-rapist-and-abuser.html

It's been 16 years. 16...

It's ingrained into my memory, that night. What I hold onto tightly you may have pushed back into your memory or "forgotten" through your drunken stupor. I'm surprised you're still alive. Chain smoking alcoholic you were...are. I wonder, did you blame it on the alcohol? Was there too much in your blood? You're in denial. I know it.

My brother, your son. He looks like you. I use to hate him for that. Poor kid, it's not his fault that he looks like my rapist. And yet I thought that through him, I could hurt you. I was so vengeful and foolish. I could not see that you were walking free while I vented anger out on another innocent. I can see him for who he is now. He's my brother. He's a fragile soul, like me, and like me, has to put up a front that he's unaffected by everything, that he's stronger than he really is. I'm one of the few he lets in, and I'm glad I didn't allow you to cause an unrepairable wedge between us.

Oh I hate you so much, because of you I could never see the purity in life. I could never hug another male without stiffening. All thanks to you. Your perversity seemed like a virus that infected me. I couldn't see anyone as good and pure and loving, all I could see were masks, people wanting to hurt me, to take advantage. Who knows how many people I hurt because I couldn't trust them?

But you know what? I've learned, MP, I've seen and met so many beautiful people. I've done so many things. At one point in my life, when I was 13 and realized what you did to me, I tried to off myself. I'm so glad I survived, or I would have never went to Austin and seen the bats at sundown when I was 19, or kiss my Idol, Voltaire, when I was 21, or seen My Chemical Romance in concert. I would've never met my lifemate, Skizy who is such an integral part of my life, I can hardly imagine how I got so far without her in it for the first dozen years.

You...I hear about you through my brother. He ignores your phone calls. He won't accept your money. He wants nothing to do with you. I hear how your family has left you - all 6 of your scattered grown children want nothing to do with you, and now you're looking for someone, anyone to take you in. I don't believe in Karma or fate, but I believe if you're a rotten soul, it shows, and everyone will recognize the beast underneath the stretched skin.

If I ever see you again, I'll smile. I wouldn't be able to help myself. Yes, it's a bit vindictive (well, at least the thoughts behind the smile) , but you know you deserve so much worse.

You're an old man. Your time has run out.

But me, I'm just starting to live. And yes, I have scars, and yes, I have nightmares, and yes what you cut from me might as well have been a cherry tree, but I am ALIVE. I am living.

And no one, not you, not my memories of that night or any other dark hour, can stop me now.

-Owens

clemaire.