Rape Support Group

Hi my name is Jenn. I now have a wonderful hubby and 2 beautiful children. My oldest is 16, and it was her birth father that raped me. When I first met him, I had reservations about accepting a date with him. I shoved them aside thinking I was just being too shy.

I got pregnant rather fast, and due to my rough childhood, I wanted my daughter to have both parents to grow up with. We weren't married but I did give her his last name. He was emotionally and physically abusive. I left him a couple of times and when I would ask him when did he want to see our daughter, he would say " I don't know how often I can see her, not being with you". He knew the right buttons to push.

So my final night in our "home" I knew things couldn't go on and tried to talk to him about it. Mydaughter was 11 months old. For 4 hours he raped me every way you can imagine. My poor baby could here my screma in the other room and was screaming herself. If it wasn't for her I don't know if I would havesurvived that night. He is a hunter and had alot of guns in the house. He actually put a shot gun to my head. He tried to choke me too. So I fear being confined and having my personal space invaded.

Fast forward, I have a good life now, but that horrific night creeps in still. When my kids want to hang off my or hug me me over and over that claustaphobic (?sp) feeling kicks in. Andthat breaks my heart. They aremy kids, I shouldn't feel that way. My hubbyis good. He recognizes the fear in my eyes when I have a flashback, and gives me my space.

I was also molested for 5 years when I was little by myuncle. I was beaten bymy 2nd step dad. I was physically and mentally abused by my "mother". I have PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia, Just had head surgery for Chiari Malfromation. I keep wondering what is going to happen next. I am sosick of all of it. I am so sick of my rapist to having some control over my life.

How do I make it go away?

Thanks for listening,

Jenn

Jenn, thank you for sharing your story! I am SO sorry you had to go through everything that you have. It seems like you have had a rough life. You seem to be moving on and dealing with it quite well which I comend you for. As far as the rapist having control over your life Im not sure how you can make that go away. I was raped at 15 and 22. I think about my rapists alot and I have not been able to be intimate with a guy since my second rape. Don't beat yourself up for the way you feel. It is so good that you are married to a good man who understands what you are going through. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me anytime.

Hello Jenn and welcome to the group. I am really sorry about what happened to you. When something as traumatic as rape happens the memory's usually never go away. Going to see a therapist or talking with other survivors will help. You have lots of support here, please PM me anytime you would like to talk.

Hiall

Welcome to the group Jen. If you read the stories here you'll feel more like how you are feeling is normal for what happened to you and that you can recover

Lori

Thank you so much everyone. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help anyone here.

Hugs,

Jenn

Jenn,

i read your posting of what happened to you. I am glad that you came to share your story with us and that you are reaching out to all of us for support. I think you sharing that story helps you open up what your dealing with and that dealing with talking about it helps. I understand your past trauma because i was dianoised with having ptsd with what happened to me being raped. I would have dreams and also i didnt want to feel close to anyone. It took me alot of years to feel safe and to feel that i could trust.

Thanks starblazer. I hope that one day, when I am metally strong enough to put my advocacy experience to good use for rape victims. At least it will turn something good from this mess. I still have trust issues. Fortunatelly I ended up marrying my best friend. He knows the signs when I am having a hard time and gives me space. There are some areas though that he just doesn't get. That really bothers me. If you ever need to talk or want to share what you have been through, I am here.

Hugs,

Jenn

Jenn,

I was molested by my uncle when between ages of 7-13

Another uncle tried molest me.

I was raped at 14 and 30.

I have epilepsy,asthma back problems an dmy seizures aren't controlled.

I was mentally and phycologically abused by my mother and sisters.

Belinda

Post edited by: belinda1217, at: 10/27/2009 08:50 AM

Sorry for all you have been through Belinda. I think at times that nothing at this opint would shock me,but I am wrong. The amount of viscous brutality that one human can do to another never ceases to amaze me.

I wonder all the time what makes so many people evil and mean. Where does it end?

Thank you for sharing your story with me and I am glad you are here.

Hugs and peace,

Jenn

People are mean because someone was mean to them. Someone taught them they were nothing and so thats how they view others too. Its sad. Its sick. And I wish mankind would all turn to jesus. You will come to know the truth and the truth will set you free. April