Rape Support Group

Ok so I decided to redo my story because I wanted to be strong & brave about discussing it to enable me to receive support from the users of this forum.

So, I had not long broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years & I was truly heartbroken that me & him had split up. I needed to do something to get myself away from the heartbreak & I had recently started talking to my ex from when I was in junior school (primary school in UK) so I decided to talk to him and started to like him again.

We were talking all day & we decided to meet up on the night & watch a movie. The night we were supposed to meet up, I was with my friend and she thought it was a bit soon to be meeting up with him again.

Ignoring what she asked me not to do, stupidly, I decided to meet up with him. So I got home & he was waiting, sitting on the wall waiting for me when I got back with my friend. She said I could go round if I needed to talk after I had met with him.

So we went inside & because my mom & dad were watching TV in the front room, we decided to come upstairs to my room & watch the movie (again, stupid!)

So we sat on the bed & we were talking. He all of a sudden started pushing me & calling me a 'little shit' & then he pushed me right the way down onto the bed & started kissing me & asking me for sex. I repeatedly said no, so he kept asking. I said no over & over again. He then just decided to force himself on me & everything & there. He raped me.

I just froze. I couldn't move, scream or do anything. Also, I couldn't run because he had locked the door & my worst fear was being hurt more than I was already. So I had to just lay there & take it. I couldn't do anything but just lay there.

He then 'finished' & we both got up. I went to the bathroom & tried to resist the tears from falling, but they fell hard & fast. I wiped them away, washed my face & pretended that I hadn't been crying. I then walked back into my room & he said, you will need to take the morning after pill because I don't want you getting pregnant. He had a phone call & he had to leave. I walked him outside & he said he was sorry he couldn't be with me because he had just been told that his girlfriend was pregnant with his baby & he couldn't be with me.

He then went home.

Before I went inside, I called my friend & said I needed to talk. She took me into her house & I told her what happened. She called our other friend & they both agreed that I should go to the police & hospital to get checked out.

Both situations were scary as anything. Long story short, I didn't get pregnant, I took the morning after pill & got tested for STIs etc. I went to the police and didn't end up persuing the police case. Stupidly.

I am still trying to deal with this every day & it kills me inside when I end up thinking about it.

Post edited by: blackswan91, at: 07/30/2012 07:16 PM

Welcome blackswan91. Don't ever again say "I know stupid". This is his fault and not yours. Please do not blame yourself! I am glad you found us. You will get a lot of support here. You can still report it. I think you should due to him calling you "little shit". In my way of thinking, using that name means he could possibly be a violent offender. Please do not feel ashamed or at fault. He is the criminal.

Have you seen a therapist at all? I highly recommend it. I know your in a small community but what if he does this to someone else? You won't be the last.

Nothing that happened that night was your fault. I am sorry, but he totally planned this as most do. He took advantage of your long term friendship & family friendship.

Please feel free to use this forum to vent, share, or ask questions. Feel free to private message me anytime.

clemaire

wow Claire, i understand just where you are coming from. I was raped almost 5 months ago by my best friend, (God brother. I never thought He would ever do that to me. We were as close as brother and sister. I still am having a hard time talking about what has happened. When he got up and walked to the door he just told me talk to you tomorrow, like I was really going to talk to him.

My heart goes out to you because I know where you are at this point. The only thing is you when to the hospital and I didnt, I am pregnant and I sit and think if I had just when and got chected out I wouldnt be pregnant now, trying to decided what to do with twins I dont want but I cant see me giveing them up for someone else to rise.

know that you are not alone, i'm sitting up all night everynight. Its now 4:13 am and I'm still up. i have to be up in an hour my eyes are hurting from crying all night. I do wish I could wake up from this horrible dream.

my prayers are with you.

Tot

Post edited by: tot35, at: 01/09/2012 02:16 AM

Thankyou both for your kind words of support. I have counselling, but I don't tend to talk to her about it for some reason. It just never comes up in discussions. I think I will possibly be considering seeing a proper therapist or rape counsellor at some point, clemaire.

I feel for you, tot. I was made to go to the hospital, if I didn't tell anyone, I would probably have been in the same situation as you right now.

If either of you ever need support, just private message me. I am up most of the time aswell, but I live in the UK. So timezones are different.

~Claire~

I'm not even in counseling yet, so you have made the first step. I'm happy for you. I cant even make myself go to one at all. I wisk you luck. God bless you and thank you. I ccan use all the support I can get right now.

Tot

I would recommend counseling to you for definite. It does somewhat help. God bless you too hun

~Claire~

Welcome blackswan, I am so sorry. Really I am. I have to second what clemaire said...there is nothing stupid about what you did. The only reason you are questioning it is because he happened to be a rapist. HIS choice, not yours. If you did the same with someone who happened to NOT be a rapist, well, you'd see there was nothing wrong about it. Nothing at all. As you identified, he knew you weren't consenting. THAT is the defining factor here...HE KNEW IT.

You may still be able to report. I was assaulted when I was 17 (by my boyfriend) and I have until my 26th birthday to report it if I wish (I didn't know it was rape until I was 19, and I've been terrified of the repercussions of reporting so far). It might be worth your time to look up the law in your state and see if there any statute of limitations involving what happened to you.

Thanks Izzy. I live in the United Kingdom so I am not sure how it would work for us over here but I will certainly look into it.