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11/28/2011 06:48 PM

New here and have doubts about date rape

aj2327
Posts: 1
New Member

I feel terrible writing this here, but I honestly dont know who to talk to, or have anyone I want to share it with face to face right now.

I really liked this guy for sometime, who was at the same party I was at. As the night progressed, people started to leave, and his friend and him stayed back talking to me, my friends thought I would be ok, since they thought he would see me home. We just kept drinking more, and it was effecting me way more than them.

I dont remember why, but we decided to go to his place, which was the building next to mine. At his place, I really just got to the point where I wasnt in control anymore. I even dropped a drink from my hand, that was in a glass cup, cause I remember it shattering all over the floor. His friend left at some point, and I remember we sat together talking nonsense, since I dont recall what we even talked about. We ended up in his room, but at this point all I can remember was that I fell asleep and he woke me up, making fun of me, because he obviously wanted more and I was literally passing out on him. We ended up having sex, but I only remember parts of it.

I woke up the next morning and just felt horrible. I guess this is where I doubt myself, and blame myself, because I didnt say no, or fight it more. I was there and he knew I liked him, but I just hate the fact that it had happened like that, and the fact that I was in no condition to even think.

I remember feeling sluggish and very tired, but he kept insisting that I wake up. I didnt want it to be only sex with him, I liked him and was really confused about how much of this I wanted, and how much I really didnt like that it happened.

I still feel horrible about it, and really dont like seeing him anywhere. I realize now how bad it makes me feel, to think that is how things happened, and I couldnt control it.

Thanks for listening

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11/28/2011 08:26 PM
hiall
hiall  
Posts: 1868
VIP Member

Hello aj2327 and welcome to the group. I am really sorry this happened to you. It sounds to me that he took advantage of you. Being drunk doesn't give him consent to have sex with you, he raped you. If he respected you he would have made sure you got home safe that night. This is absolutely not your fault. You are not to blame. I recommend calling RAINN 1.800.656.4673 | Free 24/7. When calling, make sure to ask if they are confidential), they are a 24/7 sexual assault crises line. When you call you will be directed to a crises center near you which is good because they can advise you of resources in your area. Please pm me if you want to talk. You are not alone.

Hiall

Post edited by: hiall, at: 11/28/2011 08:27 PM


02/05/2012 12:33 PM
Gunnergirl
Gunnergirl  
Posts: 178
Member

Sorry I hear what happenened, I would say he took advantage, nothing should have happened after he had tried to get you to wake up.

You are not alone

T


02/05/2012 03:24 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

I am so, so sorry. You did not say no, but you did not say yes, and that makes it rape. He knew you weren't consenting and in no state to consent or fight. He knew it. As hiall said, anyone that was NOT a rapist would have left you alone and let you recover from your drinking or seen you home safely. It is NOT YOUR FAULT.

You are right when you say you couldn't control it. He was the one who did it. But, you ARE in control of your healing now. Talking about it, even here, even if that's all you do for now, that's a good step.


02/05/2012 05:58 PM
clemaire
clemaire  
Posts: 883
Senior Member

Hi there. I have learned through a class I took that if your blood alcohol level is over point 2.5 that you are unable to consent and is regarded as rape. By what you've explained I'm sure you were to that point. Remember that just because you drank too much does not make it your fault.
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