Rape Support Group

I'm 41 yrs old. I was raped in collage many years ago. I've been married to a good man for 14 years and we have 3 children to gether. we have had our share of problems, like every couple but tonight----- he put his arms around me while we layed in bed and I freaked out. I got up and came down stairs so he wouldn't know. My first thought was MDjunction. He ended up coming down stairs to find out what was going on. I just had these fearful thoughts and feelings. I felt like "he want sex" "every man who says he cares about me just wants to _uc_ me ". horrible thoughts and feelings.like they all just want to use me.

after all these years and all the counseling I still feel afraid when a man touches me. this man has been faithful for 15 years to me and fathered 3 children with me and only me and I still cringe at his touch. It's unfair to him. He has never hurt me intentionally.

What is going on with me???? I finally thought I had it to gether and then this,.

Post edited by: TeainTN, at: 08/26/2008 21:59

Ah Teain, I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this pain. I get in the relapse stage when other things that are overwhelming are going on in my life. I'ts like fear begets fear and sorrow begets sorrow. You will find it gets better as you grow older. Mine was over 40 yrs ago & every great while it pops it's ugly head up. Plus I have PTSD and Bipolar disease which doesn't help. Just take a moment when it happens and then let it go. Don't fight it, give it that short period, then move to something else. That's what I try to do.

Teain. I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand the feeling. I agree with Glory I find that I start to have more flashbacks and nightmares when things are going on in my life. I am also married to a wonderful and faitful man and I still sometimes freak when he touches me. He knows all about my past well most if it, and he has learned when I do this to just give me a minute then slowly hold my hand then maybe hug me. Have you told your husband what you went through?

oh my gosh, you guys have do something so amazing toninght. you made me cry. thank you so much. I'm feeling so guilty ---------------- I'm not sure why I feel so guilty. thank you for being here for me tonight. it made a difference to me.

Ok, I know My last message didnt' make sense but I'm so emotional right now. I know many of you know exactly what I'm going through, Out of the blue, you feel things that happened so long ago. It's part of the whole healing process I know, but that doesn't make it easy. I feel better just knowing you guys are there. susn

I am glad we can help. Healing is hard to do but so worth it. I face my demons daily and have learned not to give in to them. Please stay strong and take it one day at a time. I know that is easier said then done.

Like Nanc and Glory i too have more flashbacks, nightmares, etc when other things in my life are overwhelming me. I think it's all the other stress that brings it all back to the surface. I got the point in life where i could not allow anyone male or female to touch me at all without the fear of them harming me in some way or another. I still have issues with personal contact meaning they want s** or want to hurt me. I would suggest talking to your husband if he knows about your story and letting him in to help you more. You stated this isn't fair to him but the reality of it all is it's not fair to you or him either one. You both need to work through this together as a couple and learn how to deal with those moments when it creeps back in.

Teain,

It's different for everyone how they're affected by a rape.

Counseling didn't help me I helped myself.

There is no given time when the memories will go away.

I was able to help myself better anyone else.

You need understanding and someone to talk to.

Belinda

I'm sorry your having a hard time Susan. I know it is disapointing when you think you have come so far and then it hits you again. But as all the girls said this happpens to all of us, expecially when our lives are stressed by other things. It happens to me too and I've been going through a hard time the last year, for me my medical issues brought it all back. Sometimes I just get tired of surviving things. Guilt...that's very normal. Did you read Trust after Trauma? Good section on guilt.

I hope you are better now and were able to talk to your husband, he seemed like a very understanding person who loves you. Lean on us if he is stressed over this.

Lori