Rape Support Group

I know this will sound weird... but has anyone else had an issue with what they ear since they were raped?

I had this dream last night that one of my friends was getting married and wanted me to be a bridesmaid... but then she showed me what she wanted me to wear. It was a weird old-fashioned dress like what you see in old films in a whore-house... the dress was all puffed out... green and orange... and she wanted me to wear a yellow wig, and OTT make-up. I said that I wouldn't and she was upset with me. Strange dream.. but it got me thinking.

My last boyfriend made a comment once about how I never wore a skirt 'for him' and I got really offended. I felt like telling him to fuck off and buy a doll if he wanted someone to wear a skirt for him.

I said that I wear whatever I feel comfortable in, and i'll wear a skirt if I want to wear a skirt.

Do you think this is me being over the top... I'm thinking maybe it's another issue connected to my rape. I was wearing shorts... it was my lifeguard uniform, and I suppose part of me thinks maybe I'd have been left alone if my legs had been covered up.

I'm never comfortable with wearing revealing clothes.

Even on holiday somewhere hot I'll cover up my legs with a sarong.

Just wondering if anyone has felt the same, or if this one's just me.

Everyone is different.

You can wear long skirts and boots and that wouldn't show your legs.

Just a thought.

Belinda

I do wear long skirts and boots in winter quite often!

Hi,

The rape was in no way your fault or brought on by what you were wearing. Rape is never the victim's fault. You should be able to wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Rapists are not inclined to rape because of what someone has on. They rape because they are violent. There are 60 year old women in granny robes who have been raped. Never blame yourself or what you wore, it was not your fault.

Lisa

The rape was not brought on by what you were wearing. Were there not other lifeguards on duty? Lifeguards have bare legs all over the world, they all don't get raped for showing their legs. But I will agree that it can make you "feel" that is the reason. We all search for reasons why it happened to try to make sense of something that makes no sense. There is no way to make sense of rape.

It's not about what you were wearing, its about power and control in him. Most of the time it isn't even about sex, but using sex to defile and degrade someone else. I think they feel weak themselves and get power from degrading others weaker than them...namely women who are smaller.

Once you understand and accept that is was not your sexuality or dress that caused the rape then you can accept that it wasn't your fault in any way. If you always felt more "reserved" in your dress then that is ok. I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. It may be you reacted strongly ... can be a PTSD symptom ... but you did react positively for yourself. You can always appologize later for the strong reaction, but he needs to understand where your coming from.