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07/12/2009 09:17 PM

Played (Duped) and Raped

Posts: 3
New Member

Hello All,

I guess I need to get this off of my chest. About 2 months ago, I was raped. It has taken me a while to even say that out loud. I'm married. I have girl friends and guy friends. But, I would have to say that I'm just not that trusting of people. Anyway, I met this guy about 5 months ago before the incident, through some mutual friends. I thought he was pretty cool, well-spoken and interesting. So, we'd chat sometimes. It was pretty hit or miss, hot and cold...sporadic. Mother's day weekend, he sends me a text asking me if we're not speaking to each other. I tell him..."No", each of us is just busy. I was upset about something and told him I was going to the gym to workout. When I got done, he had texted me 3 times. He was house sitting and wanted me to stop by. Now...mind you...we haven't spent much time together, we met 4 or 5 times and then just chatted. I work out of town and spend most of my time chatting with friends on the phone. Anyway...I had something to do later on and he said so did he. My real thought was that we would talk for a bit and I would be on my way. I've never felt anything but comfortable around him. I get there. He asks me "How was the gym?", "Did you find the place alright?", etc. Went inside. I remember standing looking out the window. The next thing I know, my head hit the back of this chair. I don't know how I got from the window to the chair. Either I walked there or he picked me up and threw me. (He's a big guy.) My tennis shoes went flying and he ripped off my exercise pants. I remember saying " don't even have a condom on". But, he had pulled me down and was already inside me. Afterwards, I just sat there. He was yammering on about this and that. But, I was in a complete state of shock. I think I still am.'s the clincher. This happened on a Saturday. He tells me that he's moving out of state on Friday. WHAT?! Now, I get it. He must have had this in mind all along. It has been hell. I got my std testing, but need to get my 3 month hiv to be sure. And, I had to tell my husband all about it. How could I be so incredibly stupid?


07/13/2009 05:46 AM
Posts: 899

Hi Queenie and lcome to the group. I am so sorry this has happend to you. First you're not stupid and this is most certainly NOT YOUR FAULT! Please remember that and it creeps in your head that youmust have done something wrong remember and say out loud ITS NOT MY FAULT. It is that creeps fault. It does sound that he had this planned. It is hard to imagine how anyone can sit and plan something like this. But there are sick people in this world.

This is a great place to get support and answers to some of your questions. None of us are professional therapists or councelors but we are here tohelp none the less.

How did your husband handle this? Are you getting support at home? Please PM me if you have any questions or just want to talk. There are 2 other group leaders- hiall and lilbit. They are wonderful, supportive and a great source of information. Everyone else here is great too.

Hugs and peace,


07/13/2009 04:33 PM
Posts: 1881
VIP Member

Welcome to the group Queenie, I am sorry this happened to you. This guy belongs in prison. You have lots of support here. Please use the forum to help heal and make new friends. PM me anytime you want to talk.


07/14/2009 04:40 PM
Lisal22Posts: 476

Hi, I am so sorry. But my real question to you is : Why are you calling yourself stupid? The guy that raped you is a stupid maniac and I hope he goes to prison. You are not stupid at all. I am so glad that you have your husband to talk to.

07/15/2009 08:17 AM

Hi Queenie,

Sorry this happend to you....what a nightmare. Have you reported him to the police? I would file a report with his full name. He will do this to someone else again. Scary what some monsters are capable of...

07/16/2009 07:07 PM
Posts: 1556
Senior Member

Hi Queenie, welcome to the group.

That had to be frightening, I'm so sorry that happened. You are not stupid. Think about it, you had no indication that he had this side to his personality. How could you have known? Are we supposed to live locked away afraid of each Life would be horrible that way. There was no way for you to have known, men like this prey on women. Your a nice friendly person and he used that against you. He's the fool. Rape is about power and control and not sex. I agree, I think he had this planned from the beginning. Rapist target their prey early on and test. You had no way of knowing you were a target, rarely women do.

How is your husband handling this? Have you thought of reporting him? Do what's best for you. Counseling at rape crisis centers is out there in larger cities. Generally counseling is available as well as help from churches, doctors and friends and family (if your lucky to have support there).

What you went through was also traumatic. Post traumatic stress symptoms of flashbacks and nightmares can come out of nowhere, even years later. Learn coping methods early and talk it out with supportive people when the feelings come. You'll heal quicker and better that way. Again, I am so sorry this happened to you. If I can be of any help please pm me.



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