How do you re-enter the Dating Game?

I've been single for years and each time I start to think that dating might be a good idea, I become terrified that "something" will happen again. I become so overwhelmed with fear that it physically manifests into a session of "Praying to the Porcelain God"...lol.

I seem to do great "alone". I even do great "thinking about finding someone". It's only when the ball starts rolling that I "freeze"...and then sabotage anything that will actually get me out there to meet people.

I know not every man is a rapist...r-right? But after the first time...and the second...third...so on and so forth, you start to wonder if they all are. And here lies my problem (or one of them). How do I get past this? How do I re-enter the Dating Game?

Love

Gloria

make any sense????

I am just shy of my 40th birthday and can't stand sex. I understand it's a "healthy part of a romantic relationship" so that means, I am not ready to be in a romantic relationship..lol. Until I learn how to deal with this I realize I will not be ready to re-enter the Dating Game.

I've been in 2 relationships that I felt close enough to explain to the man that I had been raped (not all at once mind you..but on five different occasions and five different men...circumstances were never the same mind you, because I learned from each one...how to get better at not making myself a target...but it didn't stop until I stopped leaving my home and stopped being seen in public or allowing any kind of information to be known about who lives in this particular house or even what gender I am).

And this is where the emotional slope becomes even more slippery..both men said they understood...yet it would eventually become known that both men (one raped me after we had been legally separated and the other had rape porno's filling a closet in his home) were actually "turned on" by the thought of a woman being raped.

Now I'm flat out terrified to "share" this with any man. I don't go in for the "share your problems" with your partner because they will understand. I've done that and I've been conditioned to believe that the ones who will listen (men) to you are only listening because they are feeding some sick and twisted creature inside of them.

Sadly enough, I live in a small town (pop. 400) and there are no "groups" like you have mentioned..lol. We have one bar but I don't go to bars..lol. But I don't think I can get involved in the circulation thing until I figure out how to separate the act of sex from the emotions of the rape, can I?

Ya' know, Glory, I can't remember if I told you or not...but I REALLY like your personality! This is a VERY dark subject (rape) that I find revolting but I find some solace and peace in your upbeat attitude/words.

I know I will heal from this (sigh) because I've healed from so many other horrors. I just need the tools and before I've always used "forgiveness" but the Bible says that murderers and rapists will not be forgiven while in the flesh. You add my emotions on top of that and..lol...well, let's just say there is a snowball's chance in Hell that I will "forgive" them. So, please, tell me how you managed to separate them and I hope it's a tool I can use to do the same.

The brain can tune out as well as in. We protect ourselves that way. I think that is the way some of us survive. Plus, I have talked about it so often that ...let me put it this way... Military members will always, ALWAYS, have a DE-briefing after a mission. Ya know why??? Because after every bad experience we have, we have an indelible picture of it imprinted on our brain. It's like a real real strong onion with a little bit sweeter bite in the very middle.. So, if we keep peeling that old onion away and throwing off the outer strong skin, we will be able to finally either throw it all away, or just have a teensy weensy bit left. Not even enough to make our breath stinky. lol And so goes..DEBRIEFING!! The more you spit it out and THIN it out...the smaller it becomes, until it is either all gone, or is small enough to handle....cussing helps too!! lolol My suggesion...talk about it, write about it, scream about it, just THIN IT OUT!!!!

Your ime will come..no need to rush it. I didn't realize you were so damned young!! I'm old enough to be your mother for God's sake. Now you can take this all in and hope for the best, or you can make it easy on yourself and find a nice gay gal without the old swingin di*k to worry about!! What???? lolololol (By he way, some of my best girlfriends are guys....no shit!!!) I love ya.

Hang in there ..good things come to those who wait.

Love

Gloria

As far as you being old enough to be my mother...rofl...there isn't a single thing wrong with that..lol. Oh, and I should probably state *ahem*, "For the record, I do not fish off the same side of the boat...even though many a man has tried to drive me to that side." ROFL

Yes, I agree..."Cussing Is Great Therapy"...I have journal upon journal filled with every swear word known to man...*ahem*..AND I've made up a few of my own too! (beams proudly)

Thanks, Gloria! You are absolutely hilarious with your forward approach to tackling some pretty rough stuff! Oh, did I ever tell you? Lorraina Bobbitt was once my hero?! (ROFL@me)

Love

Gloria

Love

Gloria

I have fibromyalgia and my fingers dont work right someitmes so sorry for the miss spelled words.

did I help any?? probably not, sorry.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel -- but it's a train about to run over you.