like i really needed this ...
*sorry about my english, i'm french and not the best in English!
well, first of all, when i was young my dad was an alcholic and a gambler. Then my little sister was autistic (mental problem, she's in a 3year old little girl mind.)
when i was 13, I fell in love with this guy. all i did was talking to him on the computer, but we never talked about sex or anything like that. i saw him at hockey games and random places, but never alone, i was always either with my friend(s) or family.
then one day, my parents decided to go at my brother's house for supper, and my sister was at my aunt. so i asked my parents if i could invite him and my best friend. they accepted. i called my friend first to know if she could come. she could come in 20 minutes. then i called him, he was here within 5 minutes after i called him.
when he entered I had my baby's cat with me and he rushed me out to put them back in their shed. i was wondering why.. i swear i DIDN'T knew anything about sex AT ALL. then i showed him my house, he went back into my room, and i followed him there..
then he left my shirt. i slap his hand to stop. i was yelling "what are you doing?".. he stopped. we talked for about 30 minutes, then he started talking about sex. he asked me if i wanted to have some, i answered no and went to the phone to tell my friend to rush up.
when i got back in my room he had a condom in his hands. i said to him i didn't wanna have sex with him because i wasn't ready to have some at this age, and i was still in grade 8.
then he went to the basement. i went to look at what he was doing, he was just sitting there. so i put the TV on to watch it. then he took the remote from my hands and turned it off. he touched my breast, and i slapped him again.
he asked me again if i wanted to have sex with him, i told him no again and i was yelling at him to stop. i fight for him to stop, he eventually got stronger and pull my pants down and penetrated me. and he didn't put the condom on him.. i was devastated.
the month after, i didn't told anyone about it, but i took a pregnancy test and i was pregnant. i cried forever about it, i was so stressed, but i wanted to be secret until you could really see my belly, i was wearing big hoodies or shirt that you couldn't see my belly. i went to my junior prom, and wore that beautiful dress, i took one picture by myself, making a heart on my belly.
sadly, at 3months&1week, i miscarried. it was the saddest day ever. even though i didn't really wanted the child and he/she wasn't planned at all, i still love, loved and still loves my baby, he was a part of me..
2 weeks after i lost the baby, the rapist started to insult me at school, and tell people i was a bitch, liar, whore, slut, etc.. he bullied me so much that i couldn't take it, so i told what he did to me to my parents, my dad flipped out and put the police on it. the investigation was a lost of time, because i didn't had any proof that i was pregnant and he didn't wanted to take the lie detector(polygraph). i asked to take the lie detector but they didn't want me to take it because i was the victim.
but things didn't stopped there. he did everyone hate me, he started to sell drugs at my friends(he's a BIG drug dealer) and make them hates me. he went to parties and talked about me to anyone. i had to stop school at grade 9, and grade 10 second semester. now i'm in grade 11 and still isn't in school. people did horrible things to me. they tried to kill me, chased me with knifes, beat me up, call me names, did pornographic pictures with my face&body, make up dirty conversations to others, put a cell phone on my name and was faking to be me, rumours, i could go on and on and on with this..
but yea, that's my story, and i just can't seem to love myself. each time i bath/shower, i still feel ugly everyday, i'm only 83 lbs at age 16. i have eating disorder but i'm working on it. i just can't forget my baby, he called me a "bad mom" once, because i miscarried his child. but he told everyone he never touched me but i lost his baby? like he's a liar, the worst person ever on earth.. i hate him with every bone in my body! he even told it was my father who raped me instead of him.. you can't go lower! oh sorry you CAN go lower, my great aunt passed away last november and the day after her funeral he came to me and said : "you deserve to die like your great aunt" it broked my heart because she was like a second mom to me..
