MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
05/07/2012 10:55 AM

Struggling with my/my partners feelings

monkey321
Posts: 4
New Member

Hi everyone. This is my first time to post on this forum, though I have been reading through other discussions since my own sexual abuse.

I don't know if I am comfortable going into detail of what happened yet. I was abused by somebody who both my boyfriend and I thought of as a very good friend. It has been a struggle for both of us to deal with the fact that someone we trusted could do something like this.

Emotionally, I have been a roller coaster since the whole incident. Sometimes I feel that I am coping okay, sometimes I am so angry I will sit awake all night thinking violently, and sometimes I'll find myself paralyzed by a flashback and then in tears.

My relationship with my boyfriend has been suffering too. He knows and understands what has happened to me, but has no idea how to support me and the emotional roller coaster that I have been on. Because he doesn't know what to do or say he has been putting a wall of distance between us to avoid dealing with the situation all together.

This is really a time when I need his support more than ever. I expressed this to him and his response was "I know. But I have no idea how. Just tell me how and I will do it." That was when I realized that I had no idea what to tell him.

I am really struggling with closing this gap between us, between my feelings and his feelings. I feel like I am all alone with my feelings, while he is ignoring the situation, and I have no idea how to utilize him as a supportive friend. Rebuild the connection?

Has anyone else had any experiences with this? Thank you so much for reading.

Reply

05/07/2012 06:49 PM
hiall
hiall  
Posts: 1870
VIP Member

Hello monkey321 and welcome to the group. Sounds like your going through a tough time right now. Have you or your boy friend called RAINN? I recommend your boy friend calling rainn and ask them how he can support you. Also, we have a helpful guide he can read: http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/rape-discussions/medicine- treatments/3576442-a-mans-guide-to-helping-a-woman-who-has- been-raped

Have you thought about both of you going to counseling?

Please use the forum to heal, vent and make new friends.

Private message me anytime.

Hiall


05/07/2012 08:43 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

I'm really sorry for what happened to you and what you are dealing with Sad

I wondered too if you've had any therapy. I hope the article hiall linked will help you out some...


05/08/2012 03:49 AM
monkey321
Posts: 4
New Member

Thank you so much for replying. I haven't had any therapy. This is really the first step I have taken to reach out. I'm a little bit scared to go any further. When I am feeling okay (which is usually during the day when I have other things on my mind) the last thing I want to do is bring all the feelings or memories back.

I did look up support groups in my local area (I couldn't afford counselling or one on one therapy) but there didn't seem to be anything around. That's why I decided to turn to online support. Plus it fitted with my freakouts being in the middle of the night because I'm not waking anybody else up.


05/08/2012 09:25 AM
clemaire
clemaire  
Posts: 884
Senior Member

Hi monkey321. Welcome to the group. I am so very sorry for what you have been through. Do you mind if I ask how long it has been since this happened? Feel free to share as much or as little as you like. Either way, you will get a lot of support here. I hope that the link Hiall shared will help your boyfriend some.

clemaire


05/08/2012 02:34 PM
mem625

Hello monkey321. I'm experiencing the same, the rapes and the report that followed are destroying my current relationship with my boyfriend. I just would like to curl up in bed and cry all the time.

I've been let down by everybody, I've had no therapy for months Sad

Hope you find the support you're looking for in this fantastic group Smile

Post edited by: MerlinScot, at: 05/08/2012 02:35 PM


05/08/2012 04:21 PM
hiall
hiall  
Posts: 1870
VIP Member

Sorry your going through a hard time right now Merlin. Please pm me any time you want to talk or vent.

05/09/2012 07:13 AM
monkey321
Posts: 4
New Member

Clemaire- It's been about 4 months.

Merlinscot- I'm really sorry that is how you are feeling. It's how I am feeling too. I feel so alone and like I am accusing the people close to me of not getting it, but honestly I don't think I get it myself.

When I first confided in my boyfriend he wouldn't speak to me for a week and told me it was my fault and I could have prevented it. It was at a time where I was blaming myself also, so we were on the same page at that point, but after forcing him to look online with me at some information on the topic my own guilt started to dissolve and he apologized for initially blaming me.

I think that is what hurts the most though. Seeing him all the time and wondering if he is being so distant because a part of him still blames me.


05/09/2012 03:41 PM
mem625

Monkey, I can relate to what you're writing so much!! My ex doesn't seem to blame me for the rape itself but he's still struggling to understand why I'm worried about what's going on with my report. Waiting is a hard battle for both of us but I couldn't imagine it would have taken such a huge toll on him too.
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved