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02/14/2009 10:02 PM
Magus
Magus
 
Posts: 208
Member

Does anyone here suffer from symptoms that are similar to O.C.D. because of being raped/sexually molested? I haven't been diagnosed with O.C.D., but I'm doing something that is hurting me and distressing my wife. I'll have to tell my therapist about it. I've been doing this ever since the first time that the pedophile molested me. I feel like I will never be able to completely wash his filth off of me. I feel poisoned by a taint that makes it impossible to fit in. I try to make friends with someone and I think about how they would instantly reject me if they knew about the sickening filth that is all over me.
Reply

02/16/2009 01:25 PM  Top
dreamsofinsomnia
dreamsofinsomnia
 
Posts: 1719
VIP Member

yes i have to keep myself very clean down there especially, i shave all the hair off can't stand feeling at all dirty

i often find myself dreading going to bed and have to check every corner of the bedroom before sleeping

i have other strange hangups like i can't have intercourse with my eyes open

so yes

my husband is a very accepting person about these type of things

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?



contact me on yahoo messenger under jennyleuchtman

02/16/2009 01:26 PM  Top
dreamsofinsomnia
dreamsofinsomnia
 
Posts: 1719
VIP Member

i also feel tainted and have since i was 8 years old

i don't think it helps that my mom used the word to describe me

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?



contact me on yahoo messenger under jennyleuchtman

02/16/2009 03:35 PM  Top
Magus
Magus
 
Posts: 208
Member

I go to the bathroom several times a day (10 or 11) to purge myself down there. I can't stand feeling anything down there. I have nightmares frequently about fighting my attacker. I've elbowed and kneed my wife a few times. She wakes me up when this happens and holds me.

02/16/2009 05:56 PM  Top
Sunshine0826
Sunshine0826
 
Posts: 107
Member

Yeah i def. still have the night terrors where i actually will hit and punch jeff especially if he tries to grab me to wake me up. I dont know what ive done until after or i wake up during. I too still have to close my eyes when jeff is sitting down by my lower half during sex and i cant even look at him when his bottom half is naked.

02/16/2009 07:20 PM  Top
Magus
Magus
 
Posts: 208
Member

I noticed a growing hatred for homosexuals. I know that it is wrong to blame all of them for what one chicken hawk did, but I get real anxious and agitated when I find myself in the vicinity of a gay person. I'm afraid that if one touched me again, I would explode, impulsively and hurt that person very bad.

02/17/2009 01:56 AM  Top
starblazer63

i am very sorry you went through this with being sexually assualted and raped. It is very hard to trust anyone after it happens and it took me years to beable to let go of being raped by my xhusband. i could not trust anyone and I was afraid to even have sex at all. my theripst called it post tramic stress that i have because of what had happened to me. I to this day am so careful about the friends i even make because i don't want my life messed up again because I lost so much because of this man that I have to protect anything I can that I have. I had a friend that he was molested by his own step dad and he to this day is still suffering from what had happened to him and sometimes be blames his mom for what had happened.

02/17/2009 06:39 PM  Top
Magus
Magus
 
Posts: 208
Member

I just noticed that 90% of my friends on myspace are women. I guess that this is a subconscious reaction. I just can't hang with the guy's anymore. I don't feel like one of the guys. You can't tell most men about these kinds of things and if you do they never look at you the same. It also sucks feeling like you have an embarassing, deep, dark secret. I would rather keep to myself. Women tend to be more understanding about these things. Sometimes I want to scald myself with boiling water to clean the filth off of me. It's eating me alive from the inside out.

02/17/2009 07:18 PM  Top
hiall
hiall
 
Posts: 1836
VIP Member

i would hang out with you. But i understand what your saying.

Magus your a good man. You have a beatifull wife and kids.

This person took you to hell, where no one wants to go. It isn't your fault.

Most people cant comprehend the pain that you went through and continue to go through.

You are one tough dude in my mind, you are a survivor, you are stronger then most.

keep your head up buddy Smile

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hi

02/17/2009 07:21 PM  Top
Magus
Magus
 
Posts: 208
Member

Some scars never heal. I just have to learn to deal with them.
Reply

Health Topics: Bad Dreams
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