MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
04/10/2012 03:42 AM

my wife was drugged at a club

mustaine
Posts: 2
New Member

my wife was drugged at a nightclub and we dont know what happened to her for a period of around 2hrs: pls read below for full story

My wife and 7 other girls, two being friends, the others just met that nite all went to a nite club a bigger city. The original plan was for all of them to attend a charity fundraiser at a bar in our town, but that was cancelled a few days prior, so they decided that hitting a club would be fun. My wife and I each go out about every month and a half with just our friends just to keep things healthy and with our work skeds, we dont have to use a babysitter when doing this, since we use our parents a fair amount during the week. Things seemed to be going well for all of them at the club until my wife blacked out for about 3 hrs, or thats what we're guessing from the info. She had to have been drugged with what we're thinking was rohypnol. She only was on her third drink at the club and my wife can drink. Theres no way in hell she blacked out due to drinking. She'll have 4 glasses of wine at our place and be fine on a friday night. In any case, she texted me around 1145pm to see how I was doing and just to chat for a bit before I went to work ( i work overnights) and our kids were at their grandparents. We've been together for 10 years and married for almost 8. That was the last I heard from her. She sz that she remembers sitting down on a couch in the vip area with a bunch of people, guys included, and all her other friends. She sat becuz her heels were hurting her and admits that she did put her drink on the table in front of her. That had to have been when something was slipped to her. She last remembers sitting on the couch and then being awoken by police in the city I work in at 345am! thATS 45MINUTES AWAY FROM THE CLUB AT LEAST. ON her camera the last pics were taken right around 1am and she must have taken them since she came home with the camera. She lost her cell phone and no money was stolen or the camera either. So Im at work and text her at 2am. Nothing. Text her at 3am saying im kind of worried I havent heard back from her and still nothing. Then 4am Im freakin out and still no text. I then get a call from the police, saying my wife is in a cab on a certain street in my city and owes $145 in cabfare and that she is extremely intoxicated and beligerant and Im to come pick her up or shes going to jail for the night. I had to leave work right then. So About two blocks from my work, my wifes cab and the cops are there with the cab having a flat tire. The cops said there was a dude in the cab but fled the scene before anyone else arrived. I was p*****. I said to the cops she could have been drugged as my wife wouldnt have left the 7 people she came with. They were an hour away from home, theres no way. Shes too shy to ever go off without her friends. And not stupid enough to run up a cab fare that high. She would never go off with a strange dude ever. Shes always been faithful to me. They rejected that notion and said shes plastered. I have read online that one of rohypnols symptoms is extreme intoxication and amnesia of the events occured in a 4-6 hour window. I drove her home, she was hysterical, crying, thinking her friends ditched her and not having a clue what happened after sitting on a couch at the club until waking up with the cops yelling at her. She was terrified. I was livid and yelling at her like i never have before. I wasnt thinking drugs at that point I was just sooo mad. When we got home she didnt want me going to back to work, she wanted me to stay and iv'e never seen her like that before, so scared. I should mention that the city i work in is not the city we live in, so the drive home fromm picking her up with 25 minutes. so who knows where she was headed in that cab and if there was even anyone in there. no one but the cabbie saw this dude. I stayed home and glad i did cuz it got worse. I had her take off her dress and check her body out for bruising, scratches, blood, anytime that would constitue a sexual assault while she was blacked out. It says with rohypnol, that you can be consciuous but unconcious of any memory during the drugging. Her friends last memory of my wife was gettin up from the couch and heading towards the bathroom and then after sometime wondering where she was. Its not like her to just wander off. She doesnt even remember getting up. But they couldnt locate her from probably around 130am till I picked her up at around 4. She got pulled over with the cab at around 330am, and by the grace of God, that tire was flat and the cab had to pull over. What are the odds, that two blocks from my work the taxi has a car problem and is forced to stop. Unreal. Back to home now. There was no bruising at the time and she was adament that she felt like she didnt have sex at all. I went to get her some water and she fell off the bed and was out cold on our bedroom floor. Her friend who frantacly was looking for her knew we made it home so she came by at that point. My wife started convulsing for like 10 seconds and I called 911. The paramedics showed up and 3 cops cars as well. I gave them my story and we went to the hospital where my wife would go in and out of consciousness for the next two hours. They finally released her at 10am. She didnt have a rape kit done and the dr. said they cant specifically test for date rape drugs....they just dont have the capability. So now we are struggling bigtime with this. that morning, she said she felt some bruising on the one side of her private area. We did have sex the day before in the bathroom, a quickie you might say, and the way she was positioned, it was possible that i could have made her sore on the one side, just becuz it was quick. I mean, if there was an assault, wouldnt the entire area be bruised and sore and not just one area? She does have a bruise on her shoulder, her side of her *** and a couple scratches, but that could have happened from a fall on the pavement. We just dont know what to think? She remembers absolutley nothing at all. She barely remembers the ride home with me and no clue that she convulsed and passed out in the hospital numerous times. She was drugged simple as that. The question that bothers us is, did something happen to her? She has to go to the docs to get tested for STDS. WE're freaking out. She was adament that she didnt have sex that night until she felt some soreness the next morning in the shower cleaning, so that panicked us both. None of her friends know a thing. They searched the club high and low for over an hour which tells me she was in a backroom, or she went outside feeling dizzy or wierd. I mean she could have simply passed out behind a car outside in the lot and then they tossed her in a cab and some dude hopped in to make sure she made it to some point. No one knows. She could have been raped over and over and has no clue, but with rape wouldnt there be tearing down low or other major signs? WIth rohypnol your inhabitiions are lowered, so for all we know, she could have been so far gone, she went along with the sexual assault, which wouldnt leave any bruising. All I know is her dress had no marks on it whatsoever, no stains, no dirt, nothing. It was perfectly intact as was inserts in her bra. Her panties were intact, no ripping and no stains. On the outside, it looks like nothing happened to her, but we cant be sure. Whos to say her dress wasnt removed first though? She could have been taken to another place so her friends couldnt find her and then the person in the cab planned on taking her to another city but the cab broke down and he bolted. And as for this mystery guy, no one saw him, except the cab driver and whos to say he wasnt lying. Why did he take a fare of that much without money in advance. Thats just bull$@#$. The problem now is us. How do we move on from this? Im there for her and dont blame her and am not holding it against her, but she is just devastated. Apparently she was date raped in her early 20s' before I met her, so to have this happen again has to be devastating for her. Its like her depression has come back but in a different way. WE plan to seek couples counselling to try and get through this but she said that she is worried for us. She knows how I cant let this go and it scares us both. Any advice would be great. I just hope the tests come back negative and that her period comes at the regular time, since I had a vasectomy years ago and we have unprotected sex all the time. IF god forbid she is pregnant, its definetly not mine. Im so scared and constantly think about this. Its been a brutal year battling thru her depression and then this happens once everything was good again. I just feel like crying as I write this. My wife has had numerous crying episodes over this as its happened 5 days ago now. I told her im there for her and to be strong and she is trying but its so tough. Does anyone have any experience dealing with this. Has any woman went thru something similar? What are the signs that she was raped? THe nurse asked her if she wanted to get checked for rape but she declined and the nurse said my wife would know if she was. Im terrified and so is she? What happens if this leads to divorce? I dont want to lose her and dont want to live without her. I love her so much. Its ******* me that someone possibly took advantage of her sexually and its ******* me that all this worrying could be about nothing. She doesnt want the police involved and in a way I dont blame her. She just wants to put it in the past. There wont be any proof of anything, the club aint going to admit anything and the drug is out of her system anyways now. I called the cab company yesterday and wanted to know about the flat tire cab and where she was picked up and what the destination was, but they said they cant give me the info without police involvement. I had a call at 330am at my house that morning and I called it back later on. It was a cab driver that said he was driving by and pulled over to see what was up, so at 330 my wife arrived in this city, which is approx. 1hr from the club. It was going somewhere in the city I work in but we'll never know unless the police get involved. Help pls.

Reply

04/10/2012 12:38 PM
clemaire
clemaire  
Posts: 883
Senior Member

Hello mustaine. Welcome to the group. I am so sorry for what you both have been through. I'm wondering if this person that was with her in the cab was planning on taking her somewhere to sexually assault/take advantage of her and then the flat tire stopped the whole thing. If so, she is very lucky it happened. From everything you said, just a little pain possibly from the quickie and a few scratches here and there sound more like she bumped into something or fell. The fact that all her clothing was still intact is a good sign. Sometimes when people have been drugged they may slowly remember parts of the event over time.

I'm glad that your on her side and don't resent her for what happened. Obviously she had no control over what happened. You mentioned she was date raped in her twenties. Rape makes you feel powerless and out of control. Rape is more about having control over someone than the rapist just wanting sex. They get off on being in control. It's sick, I know.

Since she was raped before and has no memories of what happened five days ago, I'm sure that she feels as if she has lost that power and control again. Not knowing is the worst. It's understandable how upset she is right now.

It sounds as if you are both doing the right things. Going to a doctor to get checked for std's and starting couples therapy. She may also gain some more help seeing a therapist on her own too.

Again, I'm so sorry about all this. Please use the forum to browse, vent and heal. You will get a lot of support here. Your wife is also very welcome to the forum if she is up to it right now.

You both made it through her depression before so it's very likely you'll both make it through this together. Feel free to PM me anytime.

clemaire


04/10/2012 08:14 PM
hiall
hiall  
Posts: 1868
VIP Member

Hello mustaine, I am sorry about what happened to your wife that night. But from what you wrote, maybe she wasn't sexually assaulted? I think its great that your going to counseling. What happened to your wife is very common and very scary. Its good to see a professional.

One thing you wrote "She was adament that she didnt have sex that night until she felt some soreness the next morning in the shower cleaning, so that panicked us both." For one thing, rape is not sex, its an act of violence. If something happened to her, it was forced. Your wife didn't give consent.

Even if nothing happened your wife has been through something very traumatic, both of you have. Right now we dont know what happened so i recommend that you read this to educate you on how to help a survivor of sexual abuse. It will help in healing for both of you.:

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/rape-discussions/medicine- treatments/3576442-a-mans-guide-to-helping-a-woman-who-has- been-raped

I also recommend calling RAINN. When you call you will be routed to an advocate in your area. This is great because they can let you know of resources in your area., like group counseling or one on one counseling.

Please private message me anytime you or your wife wants to talk. We can talk about anything. Your not alone.

Post edited by: hiall, at: 04/10/2012 08:17 PM


05/29/2013 03:43 PM
Deeann29
Posts: 2
New Member

Hello,

I was drugged at a museum that had a cocktail type event complete with a DJ and dancing. My sister drove me to her home later that night as I was completely inpaired. I threw up as I lay on her couch and in the morning couldn't remember almost anything after a certain point. I felt terrible for 10 days from the drug. When I woke up my clothes were in order and I didn't feel like I had sex. My symptoms did match those of someone drugged with a 'roofie'. I thought at least there was no harm done, I was alive and didn't drive my car. However my sister told me I was missing for 45 minutes at this event. I hadn't realized that I was missing at all, I assumed I was with my sister the whole time. I did have some flashes of memory that didn't make sense to me. I began to focus on those brief memories and I was able to recall some of my thoughts and feelings during those moments. The more I thought about it the more I remembered. Three days after the museum event I remembered about 1/2 of what I remember happening and then the next night (4th day) I remembered the rest. A man was trying to dance with me and talk with me. I thought he was weird, unattractive, and acting nervously. I walked away from the dance floor as the event was close to being over. This man blocked my path and wouldn't let me pass. He started talking with me and saying things that I thought was humorous at the time. I didn't realize he was directing us towards a secluded mens bathroom as we walked. He went in the bathroom and came out to get me. He walked down the the last stall (a handicap stall) and told me to come in. I remember walking past the empty stalls and going in. He dropped his pants and ended up raping me. I remember that it hurt was there was nothing that I could do, I was competely tired and relaxed. My eyes were closed and remember flashes going off and realized later that he had taken pictures of the assault. It ended when 2 men came in to use the bathroom. He got super nervous and straightened his clothing, ordering me to fix mine and peered through the crack of the doorjam. Then he left the stall without another word. I stood in the stall not knowing what to do because I literally couldn't not think and was scared to make a decision. Eventually I left the bathroom and my sister found me later. I don't want to scare you, but for me this happened in a venue you'd never think of something going wrong and I was assualted onsite in a public bathroom. I did go to the police after I remembered this, bringing them some of my unwashed clothing that I wore and went to the hospital (in the hospital for 5.5 hours and did a whole rape evaluation). The man hasn't been caught yet but I'm hopeful he will be once the testing is done and results are in. I know how your wife feels, I went into therapy and started taking anti-depressants. Both were key in helping me function as I could barely get out of bed. With time it does get better but there are still many hard moments. God be with you both.


05/29/2013 07:37 PM
leigha83
leigha83  
Posts: 1351
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I am sorry this has happened to your wife and to you. I too was drugged and raped.

What I can suggest is asking about the Plan B pill, so as not to worry about being pregnant. I also got checked out at a planned parenthood in my community and they gave it to me. They also did not charge me for any of my exams or pills because it was an assault.

Also, there are other drugs that can be used other than "Roofies". You could buy an at home drug test and see if anything comes of it. ecstasy is sometimes used as a date rape drug which is a form of meth. Look for a drug test that indicates this type of drug in its profile. If this is an option you want to explore, it would have to be done pretty quickly because some drugs can be out of your system within 72 hours.

You both are in my thoughts. Hugs to you both,

Leigha

Post edited by: leigha83, at: 05/29/2013 07:38 PM

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved