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03/28/2012 04:45 PM

finally coming to the conclusion it was rape.

hangrace07
Posts: 3
New Member

hey, this is the first time i have spoken about this because i was always unsure and not a hundred percent about 'rape'. after recent media attention and watching the programme tonight bases on rape i have come to the concusion that it was rape..

it was three years ago now. i was a virgin and had always wanted to hold out for mr right, or til i was comfortable. However on my 19th birthday whilst travelling the world i met a guy in a small bar. he worked local and new the manager of the bar. i didnt drink but both the men, as it was my birthday, intended to get me drunk, and they did. i was only tipsy and was aware of everything. yes i thought the guy was good looking and seemed a nice guy so we chatted. the bar was right next to my accomodation yet he insisted he walk me home after we'd had a chat in private... so after his persuation i said ok. we chatted across the street and he kept putting his hands up my skirt and inside me, even though i kept saying no no no. i said i was leaving and going home, but he made me walk 10minutes to his house to get his jacket before walking me back, which was just across the road? i felt unconfortable and scared, yet i walked back with him. once in his house i felt i couldnt leave. i was scared. long story short, he took me to his room and raped me. i kept saying no but as i was in his room and his house, i was scared to leave incase what may have happened. he acted out his fantasies on me like he was a porn star, leaving me numb and gross.. embarassed.. sad that this was my birthday, my first time.. and it was like this.

i brushed this situation to the back of my mind because i felt it was my fault that i ever went back to his place.. because he wasnt violent.. that i layed and let him do it.. but now i have just realised that this was wrong and was indeed rape. i want to talk about it and overcome it properly because after three years its played on my mind too often, so clearly ive not gotten over it.

im not going to go to the police because i dont think its worth it, no evidence.. dont know where the man now is etc.. but i need something to help me Sad or any advice you may have?

thankyou.

p.s. i missed out another factor causing doubt... afterwards he asked me out on a date, out for dinner, and because at the time i didnt think of it as rape, i said ok. we didnt end up going out for dinner, he said we would have dinner at his place. i tried making conversation with him but he was silent..awkward date? why ask me on a date if you dont wnant to talk? after we ate, he took me to his room and we had sex, this time i didnt say no. so this got me confused over whether the first time was actually rape becuause... he seemed nice?? however after this 'date' i declined all his calls and avoided him as much as possible, and left the town.

Post edited by: hangrace07, at: 03/28/2012 05:07 PM

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03/28/2012 06:50 PM
hiall
hiall  
Posts: 1868
VIP Member

Hello hangrace07 and welcome to the group. I am really sorry about what happened to you. Yes you were raped. He took advantage of you. After this happened you were confused, hurt and probably in shock. You just had your inner security taken away from you. You going out with him again and having sex was probably a reaction trying to make things better. Put things back together, make things right. He took away what you believe in. Do you have support at home?, did you tell anyone? Have you thought about seeing a therapist? Im really sorry this happened to you.

Your not alone and i am glad you are here. You have lots of support here. Please use the forum to heal, vent and make new friends. Private message me anytime you want to talk.

Hiall

Post edited by: hiall, at: 03/28/2012 08:18 PM


03/29/2012 02:53 AM
hangrace07
Posts: 3
New Member

thankyou for the kind message back.

ive not soken to anybody about it because i thought it as just me being silly because everyone thinks rape is with a omlete stranger, attacked walking home, weapons etc.. so, no, nobody knows Sad i dont think they would understand and i dont know how to go about binging it up Sad i just don't know what to do...


03/29/2012 07:49 AM
clemaire
clemaire  
Posts: 884
Senior Member

Hello hangrace07. Welcome to the group. I am so very sorry for what you have been through. As Hiall said, yes, he raped you. None of this was your fault at all. Your story happens more often than you think. I pondered the same questions as you. My offender was my fiance. I struggled with that a lot. If you have any questions or just want to chat feel free to PM me anytime. You are safe here and will get lots of support.

clemaire


03/29/2012 02:08 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

I had a big long reply to this and my computer froze up and I lost it!!!

OK here goes. As was said before, it wasn't your fault. Your doubt is normal; it can be really hard to get a true education about what rape really is and looks like, and what and who a rapist is...as you said, most think of rape a particular way and while that does occur it is actually not the norm. I was assaulted by my boyfriend and I thought it wasn't rape because we had already had sex and I didn't fight or scream. Truth is all it takes is a LACK OF CONSENT.

I'm so sorry. I strongly encourage you to talk to someone about it; I know it's scary. We've been there too. This is a very brave first step in healing. Have you considered making a phone call to RAINN, or chatting online with one of their advocates?


03/29/2012 04:26 PM
hiall
hiall  
Posts: 1868
VIP Member

Your welcome. Calling RAINN is a good idea like izzy said. The advocates on the phone can let you know of resources in your area. If you dont feel comfortable doing that right now , that's ok. Do you think talking to a family member or good friend might make you feel better? What do you feel like doing?

04/26/2012 02:50 AM
hangrace07
Posts: 3
New Member

hello everyone. sorry its been so long, ive had a lot going on and couldnt think straight. im having to come to terms with the realness of what happened and i think im going to just try carry on with life. i hope he hasnt done it to anyone else but i cant let him bring me down. i'll b ok.. thankyou for everything.

04/26/2012 06:55 AM
clemaire
clemaire  
Posts: 884
Senior Member

Thank you for catching us up! No, he can't take your life away from you. Stay strong. We we always be here for you!

clemaire

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