Rape Support Group

Well it has been two years two months today. I am feeling a lot of different things lately. I am angry, sad, scared, lonely, content......to many to really name. I'm angry because I know he knew he should have gone to the ER but he was stubborn, I'm also angry because his life was cut so short and he wasn't able to enjoy his retirement. Just doesn't seem fair.

I'm sad because he is my Daddy, my best friend my life and he is no longer here. I'm sad because he didn't get to enjoy his new chapter in life. I'm scared because I don't know how I go on without hearing his voice, seeing his smile, feeling his rough hands and sharing my life with him.I am lonely because he was so much a part of me and my identity that

I don't know how to see myself without him. We were truly like twins. I am content because I know he is at least with his mother and brother. I hope. I don't know if what I believe happens when you pass is true. But I like to think it is. I believe that when you pass you are reunited with your loved ones who have passed before you. It is something that I hold onto so I can get threw losing him. It makes me content with his passing, it is the only thing that keeps my chin up. The small hope that he is no longer hurting from the loss of his lovedd ones who have passed before you. It is something that I hold onto so I can get threw losing him. It makes me content with his passing, it is the only thing that keeps my chin up. The small hope that he is no longer hurting from the loss of his lovedones. My brother asked me the other day if , (my dad) would forget us if he moves on and has a new life where ever he is does he forget the people who are left behind? I said no. But honestly I don't know. I would love to believe he remembers us and thinks about us, but yet I think...I don't know if I want him to because I don't want him to feel the pain we feel without him.

This death thing is so confusing and full of so much pain and emotion. I thought perhaps if I got more in touch with religion I would better understand but all it has done is confuse and anger me. I have faith and my own beliefs and sitting in a church listening to someone preach about things just doesn't work for me. Especially when there are so many things I don't agree with. I just wish there was a way I could know that my dad was ok. That he wasn't angry and upset with leaving his life I yearn for that so much.

I ask him....BEG him to some how tell me that he made it to where he is meant to be and is at peace. I NEED to know this! Perhaps I am being selfish because I want to know but it would be a comfort to know that he is ok. I have always been protective of him so I guess that is part of it. Not that he needed protecting, he was...is one of the strongest men I have ever known.

I just miss him so much it actually hurts physically and emotionally. I thought by now it would have lessened but it hasn't. I thought I would have come to terms with it by now and everyone thinks I am fine because on the outside that is what I show. but on the inside I am curled up in the fetal position begging for someone to hold me. I wish I could turn to my mother but she doesn't have it in her, she doesn't have the maternal instinct. Unfortunately I will have to do it on my own because I have no parent figure to help. I know I can do it because my Dad taught me how to be strong.

Well Molly, I'm not sure you meant to post this to the Rape Support group but I'll offer you a little of my thoughts.

I spent a great many years studying the paranormal because of experiences I had throughout my life. I have a firm belief that we do not just cease to exist and that we do indeed move on to what I call "home". I believe that we come back here to experience different lives on this particular plain of existence but we always return to the origin that some call "heaven". I further believe, without doubt, that we remember "everything" when we are over there and nothing when we are over here. That frees us to actually experience THIS life without the burden of all the past experiences. When we move over to the other side, it's all there and so are the other "souls" (for lack of a better word) that we have always known and will always know. Do not fret over your dad. He is released from what ailed him here and he is with you always. Get on with your life, you will be those that passed when your time is right.