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Rape Support Group

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Rape Forums › General & Support › just wanted to point out...
04/19/2011 08:44 PM
sarahnicole7
that rape is a crime. and it is the only crime where the victim/survivor is actually blamed for the act. if someone came in to your house and robbed all your furniture, would the police/others tell you that you hid all your stuff and was just lying to get attention? haha, no. If someone was murdered, would it be their fault? uhh no.. it would be the attackers. it is also the least reported of crimes. (in my opinion, i dont have facts..)

and.. i believe it is the most horrible crime you can do to another human being. weird how ironic that is?
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04/20/2011 05:56 AM  Top
lovespeonies
lovespeonies
 
Posts: 4042
VIP Member
I understand what you are saying. There are definitely times where blame is placed on the victim especially when it comes to "being in the wrong place" or "wearing the wrong clothes". It is truly a shame that someone that has been raped would ever blame themselves let alone have someone else blame them.

04/20/2011 12:14 PM  Top
Izzy87
Izzy87
 
Posts: 2723
VIP Member
In my opinion, this being a VERY interesting subject to me, this idea of rape being caused by the victim is an idea that's been espoused in many human cultures for a long, long time, and stems from the idea that woman, by being female, is therefore inherently sexual, tempting, sinful, and the property of men, to be treated as property, as her "owner" sees fit. People do not always voice this undercurrent and sometimes aren't even aware that it exists...but it prevails.
I am not a doctor or therapist, just a person who cares.

04/20/2011 01:50 PM  Top
sarahnicole7
yes, you are correct. it's interesting and heartbreaking to me too. it's just kind of a weird thing to think about. like i said.. what other crimes is the victim/survivor often blamed for the crime down against them???

and yeah thats what happened with me. the first guy i was with was an abusive relationship and he believed that he 'owned' me or whatever and that i owed him sex and if i didnt deliver, then he'd just rape me and say that i deserved that because of whatever i was "in trouble" with that week or that i owed him that and blah blah.. that went on for two years. he was crazy. and then the other two guys that did that to me were my 'guy friends' and in the same group of friends as me and they both locked me in a bathroom at a party and held me down while i was intoxicated. then somehow i felt and hit my head and was unconscious. i woke up to them taking their turns with me or whatever.

anyways - the point is that 'group of friends' believed those two stupid boys side of the story than mine. and said that if i wasn't drunk then it wouldn't have happened .. or that i was LYING. my 'friends' said that i was just embarrassed because people knew that i hooked up with them that night or something and just wanted to lie and call it rape because i didnt want to admit it. what the F ever - but yeah that was a year ago. and happened a month after i left the abusive relationship. but i just think it's crazy that people would think i would lie about something like that or think that it was my fault that i was taken advantage of. and like with the relationship people would also be like.."why did you stay with him if he did that?" and i just dont know what to say but i wanna be like... well, because he told me he'd kill me and/or my family if i left and then i would just get "punished" later that night or whatever! stupid thing and just crazy how people are so misunderstood with this.

04/20/2011 02:42 PM  Top
kcchiefette
kcchiefette
 
Posts: 184
Member
I understand the blame that some people feel. I was blamed for making my attacker's life 'hell' as he couldn't go anywhere without taunts etc. Of course, I felt bad, fell into a deep depression and mania stage, almost bordering Bipolar. I think this could have been avoided if I jumped straight into counselling at the first opportunity. I can't emphasise the help of a professional more so.. they are crucial in your healing I believe.

04/20/2011 02:46 PM  Top
sarahnicole7
i totally agree. i have been in counseling since i was 13 years old.

04/21/2011 01:00 PM  Top
kcchiefette
kcchiefette
 
Posts: 184
Member
Counselling can take loads of time. I found that it only helped me temporary. I went once a week for about 6 months, to no avail. It helped for about 2 days, then I got upset again and had to wait til my next meeting. I found that trying to confide in a close family member was a lot easier for me because they were always available to talk. I would encourage anybody to have a close family member or friend as a confidante.

04/22/2011 10:50 AM  Top
sarahnicole7
yeah, i agree. unfortunately i dont have any family support. but if someone is considering counseling.. remember that it takes time and patience in finding the RIGHT counselor. i've had ones that i did not like and one now finally that i like and have had lots of improvement with

04/22/2011 05:31 PM  Top
hiall
hiall
 
Posts: 1836
VIP Member
Ya that is really messed up. I wonder if there would be less rape if people didnt think it was the survivors fault...... very weird, its BS....
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04/22/2011 07:12 PM  Top
Izzy87
Izzy87
 
Posts: 2723
VIP Member
I just realized something...I know that the idea of female objectification figures into when the victim is female...but I don't know what the male victim equivelent would be. Are male victims blamed for rape as well? I do not know any, so my perspective is very limited on that one.
I am not a doctor or therapist, just a person who cares.
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