Rape Support Group

On my way home from school I passed a billboard about sexual assualt, it said 97% of victims don't come forward. It gave me courage, and I called the police to get information about reporting. She took down my info and sent an officer to my house. Because we were both minors when it occurred, I have until five years after my 21st birthday to report it...which means I have a little less than two years and then my chance would be gone. He asked me about what happened, I told him what I could remember, but said I wasn't positive about the dates. He said it would be hard to prosecute because of lack of evidence, it would be my word against his. I knew that already, but he said that if I go through with reporting this than I would have help with court and get to testify. I told him my concern about the custody dispute, he said that would probably affect my credibility. I am not sure if I feel better or worse. He said there wasn't any pressure and I can revisit the report any time before I turn 26. I am not sure what to do now.

That is tricky. Can you report it after the custody dispute is over? I know that is probably not how you want to go about it though. I would seriously consider doing so if you have time after the dispute over your daughter. At the very least it may help some other person in the future if he continues in his ways. He if assaults another girl there will be a record of your case against him. Hopefully he will get what he deserves in the end. I do understand if you don't want to do it too, you do have to do what is best for you and your daughter.

I am thinking that I will wait, yes. It's just strange to think that I'm planning it now. Him assaulting someone else, that's a big reason why I feel I need to do it. I have contacted a few other people as part of my healing process (with abuse it's easy to think that it was your fault and he'd never hurt someone else, so they recommend finding others because then you'll discover he carries the abuse from relationship to relationship) and discovered five other people that he hurt/attempted to hurt, two of them minors. I wish I didn't feel partly responsible, I mean, I know it is what he did and not me, but I wonder if I could help protect someone else.

I don't know how the custody thing will go anyway...I still am waiting for lawyer assistance which I am not sure I will get, but I was told if I file the charges, I will get help for that. I just don't know.

My lawyer from before, I am sure he has it on record that I told him about the rapes when I first came to see him, I wonder if that would help show I am being truthful?

I would think having that on record would help your case. How long ago did you tell your old lawyer?

Well never blame yourself for things he does to other people. It isn't your fault that he keeps abusing women. I understand how you are seeing it though but you must not blame yourself. Has any of his other victims reported what he has done? I agree, waiting till the custody battle is over will be the best way to deal with it. If you do it now it will look suspicious and may not be taken seriously.

I hope you hear something for a new lawyer soon. You really need someone looking out for you and your daughter.

A couple years ago, I think, when he sued me for 50-50 custody and I got my lawyer...we can't afford him again though, I've been calling around and it seems the rates are all the same, and we have nothing...one other victim reported him, after he tried to take her pants off after a party...she was 14 and had been drinking but she filed a report and he was convicted of battery. This would have been two years after he assualted me.

It is good no matter what that a history is forming against him for the future. I don't want him to hurt another girl but if he does hopefully he will be locked up for a long time.

So he tries to take advantage of underage girls. That should show that he shouldn't be around children. I know that isn't how the system works but it is common sense to me. How old is he/was he at the time?

20,the other girl was the niece of his then-fiance, she was 12 or 13 and he was 21, I think. He wrote her a love letter and kissed her, but nothing more than that (his fiance was asleep on the couch in the room with them.) He's for sure a creep, but in my state they are really pro-dad and I don't know how much limitations they would put on him. I am going to bring it up as often as I can during this custody thing. It's very scary, not knowing how this all will turn out.

All I can say is that I am sorry... I really feel horrible for you and your daughter. He is clearly sick and needs help, he doesn't deserve to have any rights to your child. Is there any chance that he will back away again after he gets 50/50 custody? What I mean is will he regret going after custody after he has the resposiblity of being an active parent?

I might think that is the case (him regretting it) except he's got his mom there totally willing to do all the hard work...so he can get "dad" status without doing anything, plus the satisfaction of having that much more control over me and my daughter. I am not sure if he will still pursue 50-50 custody, I think that was more to scare me than anything else. I hope.

Weekends, that's where I get feeling all yucky. I want to make a case that he just doesn't need that much time with her...and I hope all my documentation will back me up. I kept records of when he would call to see her, and you can see he hasn't put much effort into it. I just want the law to support the truth...I know it doesn't always, and usually, when it really comes down to it, I'm just worried I won't have the money to see it through. Still waiting for the durned volunteer lawyer's association!!!!

Wow, they are taking forever to get back to you. I don't think considering his little contact with your daughter that he deserves weekends. They are important times for you as well. I would go over that in court too that you want to possibly share weekends not give them up. If I was you I would also schedule her in some activities that take place during the week and weekends, for example soccer or another sport. That way it would further limit his time with her. The positive in this is his mom being involved, that would make me feel a little better about any custody agreement, as little time alone with dad the better.