I found this review of a book on-line. I didn’t write down the name of the book, but I do have the author, Judith Lewis Herman. It was at
http://www.growthouse.org/books/herman.htm“The author believes that just as “traumatic syndromes have basic features in common, the recovery process also follows a common pathway.”
Her model has three major stages:
Establishing Safety
Remembrance and Mourning
Reconnection
Since she believes that the effect of trauma is to disempower and disconnect the survivor from others, recovery can be measured by the extent to which the survivor can be made to feel empowered and able to form new attachments. In other words, trauma creates overwhelming fear and leaves in its wake a feeling that the world is not a safe place. Therefore recovery requires establishing a safe space for healing to begin.”
This makes sense to me. The memories seem to start coming back just as soon as you get to a safe place in your life.
“The author takes issues with some current cathartic treatment models which encourage re-living the trauma. Herman feels that forcing pain on the survivor puts the therapist in the role of the perpetrator. Rather than perpetuating the abuse, she argues that therapists and other helping professionals should be cautious and should do as much as possible to make the survivor feel safe. Exploring repressed memories too quickly without sufficient safeguards can cause more symptoms to erupt in a damaging and fruitless way. A survivor can heal by telling the stories in a gradual manner that does not risk shattering the protective security of the therapeutic relationship.”
For me, feeling safe comes before trust. I think the statement, “heal by telling the stories in a gradual manner that does not risk shattering the protective security,”…that the survivor has created, is a good one and not just for therapists. We all have created protective coping strategies, whether it is pulling away from others, drugs/alcohol and other addictions, self harming and the like. Personally, I think that trusted family, s/o’s, and friends can be of great help to us if they know to let the memories come and let us talk, not matter how much we need to. Sometimes I think friends and family get tired listening and want us to, “just get over it already,” when really rape and sexual abuse are two types of trauma that will take a long time to “get over.”
“Once safety is established the phase of “Remembrance and Mourning can begin. During this period the survivor can grieve both for things actually lost and for possibilities never realized. As dissociated memories of trauma become conscious they can be integrated into the survivor’s self-image in an appropriate way. The grief process continues as long as necessary to establish some degree of detachment from the loss.”
Most of us seem to be in this step. We are using this forum to remember in a safe place where we don’t feel threatened. I hope that the support you find here will help you to move on to professional counseling and disclosing to trusted family and friends. Know that mourning will come, many of you have mentioned overwhelming sadness and that dredging up the memories is painful, but we have to go through it to get to the other side, which is Reconnection. Forcing yourself to remember is counterproductive; let the memories come as they may.
“The final phase of Reconnection emphasizes that the goal is not simply to re-live the trauma, but rather to reconnect to the world and develop new relationships. With support the survivor can become less isolated and can experiment with forming new social bonds. Recovery is marked by establishing new connections to the world and developing new relationships that are supportive to the survivor.”
This is only one example of what needs to be done to recover. I’ll post some other things I found on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder later. I believe the statistic is 45% of rape survivors will later suffer from PTSD.
Lori
"MDJunction to me is a life saver... when i first was diagnosed with Scheuermann's Disease i wrote a message to a page i found on google, hoping that they could help me.... you'd never know it but that weird feeling (you know that one where it feels like someone actually cares) came over me when i opened my email next day to find that someone on the other side of the world (at the American Medical Library)had read my message while i was sleeping, and there low and behold was the address to MDJunction.... well it is everything to me, i live it breathe it and love it!!!!! I have found many people who are struggling with similar issues banding together to help each other. It is the best place in the world, and i couldn't think of another place to go to meet so many lovely people....
