Rape Support Group

Ive been raped && molested repeatedly throughout my life. and recently i told my mother of my new situation. Her father-in-law raped me when i was 13. I am know going on 16. He lives in maui and i let it build up in side me for so long that i just broke down. My mom has never had a father figure so i always thought about how hard it would be for her 2 get threw it. And if my g-ma would even still love me after this. ANYWAYS they are coming down from Maui on saturday because my great g-ma past away so were going 2 have a memorial for her. I dont know how to approach my g-ma about this. My mom said that if i dont then she will and its hard for me to talk about my feelings && such. I dont know what i want from this situation. Jail time? Death? or what? But all i know is that my heart wants justice. SO how do i approach My g-ma on saturday? Most of my family WILL NOT BELIEVE ME && I DOUBT WILL SUPPORT ME. So im going into this feeling alone && knowing he will deny it till the end. so somebpdy PLEASE HELP ME!

Kiera,

I was molested for years and even my step-father did after I had a seizure.

When my mom found out no she believed him not me.

I've been raped twice first when I was 14 and the guy bragged about taking my virginity.

The 2nd time I put the man in prison who is still in prison.

Belinda

I am sorry you have had to live like this. But I am glad that it seems your mother is taking your side BUT she needs to respect your feelings on whether or not you want to confront him. This is something you need to feel in control of. If you can't do it yourself and want it done then it would be fine for her to step in, but only if you want it. The exposure can make it worse for you if you are not ready to have the story out. Everybody is different on this so try to sit calmly and examine how you feel / push your fears aside and figure out if you want him confronted. Your mom may want to protect you but she needs to respect your wishes here.

I'm not sure if this is your step father's father or your grandmothers husband?

Yes, he probably will deny it. Who would admit to it? What are you looking for? Vincication / revenge / valadation / an appology ? Will you get that from him? Maybe not, but on rare occasions they do appologize. Men like this rarely do it to just one person, your telling will bring it out into the open, but since he lives so far away no one there will know and he can continue. What do you think your grandmother will do? You have to be prepared for this - her not believing will be excrushingly painful. You luckly have your mothers support - talking through what might happen and being prepared to support each other will help you.

You can press charges, but if it happened a long time ago there will be no physical evidence and it's your word against his. Unless you can find other victims.

Its my grandmothers husband that had done this to me. I believe i was the only one. And i have 3 BEAUiTFUL sisters. I have only told one of them and she said he never touched her. It was such a burden to carry around because i wondered if he hurt anyone else. But i don't think so. He was a big brother on Maui. But stopped for some reason? Well every1 Loves him. No one would expect him to have done this 2 me. My family will be surprised, and i doubt some will believe me. I can not lie back in January i was crying out for help by acting out. More then usual so my family will most likely say its just a cry for attention. Because they dont know me personally. So i know im going in this alone. And i really don't know what i want from him. I have nightmares about killing him But i could never go threw with it and nightmares about every1 calling me a whore. Theres a high possibility that he will say that i came on to him. Or that because my body enjoyed it that i wanted it. I told him no once because i was in such shock. These last few days have been easier ive been accepting it && ive been looking up info about california laws && statistics and thats i i found this place.

I can not lie i had consented to it in the beggining because i felt threaten. I lied there while he touched me with my eyes closed hoping for him to stop. He asked me and i igrnored him he shook me and asked me again so i just said ok. But when he started getting more violent i told him to stop. And he didnt. My aunt is a parralegal so ive been looking up my rights and all that since it happened.I think i need justice thru the court but Section 376 of the Penal Code states that whoever commits rape shall be punished with imprisonment for a term of not less than five years and not more than twenty years. i dont know if its enough for me or not though.

"The state's highest court ruled yesterday that a man can be charged with rape if he ignores a woman's calls to stop - even if she had previously consented to sex."

"With this expansion of the legal definition of rape, Maryland joins seven other states whose courts have determined that a woman can revoke her consent after intercourse begins."

"With or without her consent, when she is under sixteen years of age. This is because children and teenagers below this age are deemed by the nature of this immature judgement, legally unable to give consent"

"According to most estimates, 80-90% of rapes are not reported to police. Current trends project that 1 in 3 American women will be sexually assaulted at some point during her life".

Kiera, touching a 13 year old in any way shape or form in a sexual way is a crime in all states. Just as you have written it doesn't give him any rights because you consented - you wouldn't know it was wrong because he is an adult who is in a position of authority in your life. It is finding evidence that is the hard part or it is just your word against his. Being not believed is hard, you have to be very strong to handle it.

As for why it only may be you, pedophiles look for a certain type of personality. Children who are emotionally low at the time. Maybe your sisters are more vocal and outgoing, those children are usually not chosen - too much risk that they will tell. The also prefer certain ages, and he might not have been around when they were that age. It stopped usually because he didn't want to get caught or you got too old.

Aren't the statstics scarry? But it does illustrate that you are not alone.

Yes acting out is a cry for attention - for someone to notice and help you. Not because you were a drama queen. It is a sign of trouble when a child all of a sudden acts differently. I wish people would learn to ask what is wrong instead of focusing on the behaviour.

It would be better to let it out quietly person by person you want to know, rather than a big public announcement. Doing in in public makes people think you want attention, when you do it privately you are asking for help. Just like you told your mother and sister. Grandma??? well I don't know how I would take it if my husband was/had abused my child/grandchild. He'd be out on his ear, but I have a job and can take care of myself. Some women choose to not believe because they are dependent on the guy and can't. I don't know how you live with a person after you know he's done something like this = I'd be totally creeped out.

Good luck tomorrow, I hope you get the results you want.

Lori