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11/13/2010 02:37 PM

Wife of a cancer patient

Gwenivere

Coping with my husbands cancer since August of 2009, I have reached the point of needing connection with other people that have really 'been there' or still are. There was a lot of support when he had surgery in February of this year. But as expected, people moved on (understandable as this is our reality, not thiers). Unfortunately, the surgery did not get it all and now he is facing radiation and having hormone suppression to prepare for it. Everything in our life seems to have changed and no one understands how living with this under the surface every day takes a toll. We both have our out in the world 'masks'. My husband has found several ways to stay totally distracted. I cannot seem to do that and get brief breaks with my activities, but as soon as I am idle - there it is. It has been the lonliest I have ever felt in my life esepcially because he needs to not focus on it to stay sane and I understand that. I just need some connection to others that know how life altering this is and sadly, that there are other people going thru this. The club no one wants to belong to.
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11/13/2010 02:55 PM
trucker
trucker  
Posts: 14
New Member

I hear what ur saying about the outside face but with a face like mine i should keep it inside.You are lucky to have each other i am alone no wife or kids even my dog ran away stay strong.Do as i do and live every day and don't give up there are plenty of treatments just love each other and I'm sure you will have him around for a long time.But i do agree it is with you all the time stay strong.trucker

11/13/2010 03:03 PM
MsSnick24
MsSnick24  
Posts: 389
Group Leader

Gwenivere, I am glad you found this forum and sorry you had to. You're right, the club no one wants to belong to, and only those in the grips of it can understand.

I have a book suggestion for you, that is written by a woman whose husband also needed hormone and radiation therapy. "How We Survived Prostate Cancer" by Victoria Hallerman. ISBN 978-1-55704-819-6 paperback.

Write back often, it helps.


11/14/2010 05:06 AM
SSLMD
Posts: 1023
Member

After you have finished "How We Survived Prostate Cancer," get Deborah Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand" from your local library. It is a discussion of the differences in communication between men and women. It is a fun read and will give superb information on what to expect and how to interpret things that might seem inexplicable. It was on the best seller lists for many years, so should be easy to find.

Post edited by: SSLMD, at: 11/14/2010 08:38 AM


11/14/2010 05:46 AM
hollywoodmark
hollywoodmarkPosts: 867
Member

Good recommendation. I read this many years ago and, between it and doing the Myers-Briggs assessment, really helped my wife and me "get" where each other was coming from. In stressful times like cancer, that's especially important.

11/14/2010 12:45 PM
Gwenivere

I thank all of you for your suggestions and support. It really is tough to manuever thru this because of how different it is for the patient and the partner. The basic fear is the same for the possible outcome, but thought processes and feelings can be miles apart. I think that is our toughest battle right now. We have stood united in a crisis, but that was outside something that carries such weight as this.
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