Prostate Cancer Support Group

I had just buried my 15yo cocker spaniel when my sweetie told me he's having a radical prostatomy in a few weeks. Since then we've had a few rounds of come-here-go-away.

He's angry and needs to feel in control.

I'm trying to undrstand what it feels like to have manhood threatened.

And I want to do anything and everything to help... that just smothers him.

We live an hour apart at best, at worst metro traffic would require helicopter transport to get together. Best help I managed so far was finding this link: http://cancer.ucsf.edu/crc/nutrition_prostate.pdf

He's 61, never-married. He's in excellent health otherwise; never had a health issue ever before. He investigated thoroughly and decided against robotics. His traditional surgery will take the gland and local lymph nodes, require reduced activity and a catheter while healing.

I'm 49, have had health issues and a divorce I'm well-recovered from. I am devoted to walking through this with him--as much as he will let me.

You have a hard road ahead but you are doing the right thing by getting more information. You need to buy or get him to read the "Guide To Surviving Prostate Cancer" by Patrick C. Walsh, MD. It has helped me a lot. I'm 56 and my wife is 43 and this has been rough on us. She is a nurse and she got me through the surgery and post-op. The ED and incontinence will be hard on him. You will need to help him through this.

How do you help someone through all this, when you get pushed away physically and emotionally?? How do you get your loved one to realize that their ED is not "Just their problem" I am 46, he is 57....

I wish I knew what to advise you. I wish we could "get" someone to realize ED is not a solitary problem. Certainly regaining EF demands cooperation!! Yin-Yang.

Only silence from my sweetie. He's taken few into his confidence about his cancer, but those few have overwhelmed him with wanting to fix it. He chooses to isolate, to maintain an illusion of control I suppose.

I have another friend in a different traumatic crisis, same reaction when overwhelmed.

My heart screams silently: are you practicing Kegels? Avoiding cinnamon? Eating tomato sauce with broccoli? Exercising until you break a sweat everyday to lose the ten lbs before surgery?

I leave a message once a week, may send another card. I know only that surgery is late September & which hospital, so I deduced which doctor. I believe sweetie's made wise health-care decisions, well-researched. Now I pray for the skill of that surgeon and his team as well as for my sweetie's health -- that his youth be renewed like the eagles.

Post edited by: svetlana, at: 09/09/2008 13:04

Post edited by: svetlana, at: 09/09/2008 13:05

Hi svetlana,

That sounds almost like a mirror of my situation,I'm 62 and never sick a damn day in my life when all of a sudden...Bamm!

Yeah there's shock and anger at first,striking out at those closest to you.

He has to realize that if the Dr recomended surgery,it was caught early enough and that's good news not bad.

I had to humble myself and bring my attitude down a notch and not hurt my sweetie anymore.I hope he does likewise for your sake.