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09/08/2008 07:44 AM

I need advice

buttercup907
buttercup907  
Posts: 44
Member

My Fiance has PC with mets to the bone....How do I deal with the mood swings and depression???? He doesn't seem to understand that this disease has affected me too!! He says not to show my emotions, When I do...he gets upset with me, If I "pretend" it doesn't bother me....he says I am not supportive enough!???
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09/27/2008 02:43 PM
legallyred
 
Posts: 13
New Member

Oh boy...I am sorry. I know, it is very hard. My man tells me that I am bugging him with my zillion questions about how he is feeling - and I probably am!

I'm sending you a hug.


10/13/2008 09:40 PM
buttercup907
buttercup907  
Posts: 44
Member

Today we learned that my fiance also has a tumor pressing on his spinal cord causing him numbness of the lower extremities. They started radiation right away today in the hopes that they can shrink the tumor before he becomes paralyzed. This has been so tough. He has no Living Will, no advanced directives in place, I have suggested this a couple of times, he doesn't want to hear it and neither does his family! I don't mean to sound negative but I have been a nursing assistant for over 25 yrs. I am hoping and praying that the radiation helps, but at the same time I worried about paralysis and maybe possible becoming ventilator dependent or even worse!!! He has been put on restrictions...including only walking short distances around the house, no working, no lifting, no driving etc. He says he is "focusing on getting better". I am worried and scared!!!

10/15/2008 01:58 PM
legallyred
 
Posts: 13
New Member

Ah, I'm sorry. It is so hard, but you have to stay strong. Believe me, I completely know how hard it is. I am hugging you.

10/15/2008 04:59 PM
KarenM
 
Posts: 6
New Member

Believe me I know what you are going through. My boyfriend had his prostate out back in March. He has pushed me so far away - when I bring up tring to get intimate-------

All I get is - I have cancer can you give me a break!!!! I tried to tell him to just be touched is enough but.....He is very slowly coming around---I suggest all you can do is stand by him, let him rant, get distant, and just let him know you love him. That male organ means more to them than anything else in the world. They are not ready to talk about it at all. It is easier to push it down to the bottom of the emotional pool than face the reality of it.

Hope this helps a little


10/15/2008 09:58 PM
buttercup907
buttercup907  
Posts: 44
Member

There should be a forum for us women....Even though it is our men that are enduring the pain etc of cancer....why don't they think how we feel??? The NO intimacy thing has just taken a real toll on our relationship...It's not the fact that we can't have sex....it's everything else that goes with it...And if I initiate anything...I feel like I just threw his ego right out the window!!! It seems it doesn't matter anymore what I wear, how i fix myself up....he doesn't even notice. As far as cuddling....I can't wait til he falls asleep so I can just cling on to him and CRY!!! I am such a wreck!!! I tried attending support groups with him and people there are all talking about the "cure", (for Us , there is no cure only treatment to slow it down) and the majority of people there are all elderly and discussing incontinence...I am in healthcare, I already know about incontinence! UGH sorry this is so long!!

10/16/2008 06:24 AM
KarenM
 
Posts: 6
New Member

I know the feeling about not being noticed. We start to feel undesirable and very unwanted. My boyfriend is coming around slowly. He knows that I AM NOT leaving no matter what. One thing you can do is to start taking care of your self esteem. It is not you!!!!!!! He does love you and when you know the time is right (which you will) take the first step in the cuddling dept. I did a few months back and what a wonderful feeling it was. He still says he will take care of me but that has yet to come---his ego gets deflated then the whole process starts all over again. Pulling away, getting distant etc etc. It seems like it is a test on my emotions---but I am strong willed and will not give up!!!!

Hang in thereWink Wink Wink


10/19/2008 01:15 AM
mack1243

Love him or leave him. Don't grieve just don't be am impostor. He will see that an feel worse.

10/20/2008 01:22 AM
buttercup907
buttercup907  
Posts: 44
Member

He DOESN"T want to see emotion....and that's tough to hide at times...His family"s solution is ...respect his wishes and don't show him you are upset, and "don't think about it"...After a year and a half and all medications seem to be failing....and I see a steady decline....that's hard NOT to grieve, I am in the healthcare field...and I think It's perfectly normal and right to show emotion and to grieve.. Watching a loved one decline is really tough. Pretending it's not there and it's not happening is....is DENIAL. It is was it is in my case and NOT thinking about it, isn't going to make it go away!!!

10/20/2008 03:09 AM
mack1243

You are right. I went throught this when I was dying. Some of my family were sad, some were glad. After I was not dying, a few friends decided not to be friends. That's the facts mam.
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