question: how do you deal with anger?

me? it depends on the situation i'm in. if its military related and i outrank that other person, they are getting the shotgun treatment.

other than that, i tend to be a recluse and try to avoid confrontational situations with family and friends. i find that it does no good to burn your bridges with the ones you love. what about you?

I have a horrible anger problem when I drive. I scream and yell foul things at people when I drive. Sometimes I don't care as much as others. I notice if I stay out of the fast lane and just take my time I get in fewer situations where I get mad at people.

Thanks,

Angela

Through therapy, I have found that I have stuffed a LOT of anger away inside. I have had many instances where I would just explode and not really know where it came from. I'm someone that kept all those feelings inside throughout the abuse as a child, teenager - until leaving home. I kept everything inside. I could not cry, I had to be strong to take care of family members. I was my mom's mom, I had to function as an adult at 6 years of age. I couldn't fall apart, I always had to be ready for the next battle. Couldn't make friends, would not have been able to get close to them. Always had to pretend our family was like everyone elses - whatever "normal" was. I didn't know what "normal" was, but thought it had to be different than what I was living.

So, all this anger, sadness, hurt, fear, etc. had to be shoved far away inside me somewhere. After leaving home, I created a new world to live in. I even made myself over - and no one would even guess I had such a life growing up. I made friends, found a job, finally found a husband, went to college, found a career, had kids.

But, now, all my old stored up emotions have started causing me problems. I have a feeling this may be a part of why I now have fibromyalgia. I just have no more energy to handle anything else. My therapist says I need to go back to those old memories - actually experience the emotions that went with them, that I didn't get to experience at the time - then I can forgive, and let go. Not forget, but not let them keep their hold over me.

I know now, I needed to have found a way to let myself fully experience every emotion I felt as I went through life. Not stuff it away. But, as a kid, I could have never known how to do that. And as an adult, old habits die hard.

Now, I find it comes out in innappropriate ways sometimes. Even towards the ones I love most (just yelling at them sometimes - I won't let myself completely lose control with them. They are my whole world. And, that is why I'm seeking help now.) My therapist suggested I write in a journal. Put down every feeling or write a letter to the persons that hurt me. This is for my eyes only, but just writing it, helps to release some anger. She also suggested I may need to actually go to a safe place when anger comes up and smash something - anything breakable. Just break things over and over until the pain stops. (I have had the urge to take a baseball bat and break everything in the house - I haven't done it, but that's how angry I feel when something triggers a past memory.)

I actually haven't done this yet. I still have the urge to control things too much. Therefore, I cannot even let myself get this out of control. But, I think I am going to have to do this, because the urge to hit something or someone is very strong at times - I have been able to control it as far as family is concerned because I knew how I was treated as a child and I already made a promise to myself that I would never treat anyone else the way I was. However, that means that I turn all of this anger in on myself. I'm not hurting myself physically, just emotionally, which I guess is actually hurting me physically too.

I do not suggest any of you do these things without a therapist (except maybe journaling and talking to others). These are just things that are helping me. I am just learning how to handle this myself, so don't feel in much of a position to offer advice. But would be glad to receive any you may have for me.

Thank you for listening - just felt the need to do some extra talking today.

geekgirl - what kinds of therapies have you heard about that work with anger issues? I'm curious.

Thank you both for the advice!

I agree with your thoughts. Since I already have an issue with the need to control things, this might not be a good thing to start. Very wise advice. Is there anything that helps you? You don't have to answer any question you deem too personal. I don't ever want to offend anyone. And, what works for one person may not work for another. But, it seems as though even therapists don't always know what to do with us either. It gets frustrating looking for help with so many different ideas out there. I guess that's why I'm looking for others that have more experience with this than I do.

Your thoughtful sharing means a lot to me! Thank you again!

Most general cognitive behavioral therapy can work for something like that. That can come down to the style of therapy your therapist practices. There is meditative therapy, art therapy, play therapy, wilderness therapy, and many others. If you want more detailed info let me know. My personal favorites and ones that seem to be pretty effective across populations are meditative and art therapies, but my ultimate favorite is wilderness therapy.

Angela