Post Traumatic Stress Support Group

just a rhetorical question to get some ideas of how you all personally deal with your anger.

me? it depends on the situation i'm in. if its military related and i outrank that other person, they are getting the shotgun treatment.

other than that, i tend to be a recluse and try to avoid confrontational situations with family and friends. i find that it does no good to burn your bridges with the ones you love. what about you?

I deal with my anger in a very unhealthy way that I am dealing with in therapy. The way I deal with it is just as bad as if I were to hurt others due to my anger. I internalize my anger. It makes me feel physical rushes of adredaline. My heart pounds faster, and I get a sort of high, but very uncomfortable feeling. I have tried to be more aware of when I am angry and whether I say or do anything about it. Since being in therapy I have started standing up for things when I get angry, instead of keeping it inside.

I have a horrible anger problem when I drive. I scream and yell foul things at people when I drive. Sometimes I don't care as much as others. I notice if I stay out of the fast lane and just take my time I get in fewer situations where I get mad at people.

Thanks,

Angela

Hello All,

Through therapy, I have found that I have stuffed a LOT of anger away inside. I have had many instances where I would just explode and not really know where it came from. I'm someone that kept all those feelings inside throughout the abuse as a child, teenager - until leaving home. I kept everything inside. I could not cry, I had to be strong to take care of family members. I was my mom's mom, I had to function as an adult at 6 years of age. I couldn't fall apart, I always had to be ready for the next battle. Couldn't make friends, would not have been able to get close to them. Always had to pretend our family was like everyone elses - whatever "normal" was. I didn't know what "normal" was, but thought it had to be different than what I was living.

So, all this anger, sadness, hurt, fear, etc. had to be shoved far away inside me somewhere. After leaving home, I created a new world to live in. I even made myself over - and no one would even guess I had such a life growing up. I made friends, found a job, finally found a husband, went to college, found a career, had kids.

But, now, all my old stored up emotions have started causing me problems. I have a feeling this may be a part of why I now have fibromyalgia. I just have no more energy to handle anything else. My therapist says I need to go back to those old memories - actually experience the emotions that went with them, that I didn't get to experience at the time - then I can forgive, and let go. Not forget, but not let them keep their hold over me.

I know now, I needed to have found a way to let myself fully experience every emotion I felt as I went through life. Not stuff it away. But, as a kid, I could have never known how to do that. And as an adult, old habits die hard.

Now, I find it comes out in innappropriate ways sometimes. Even towards the ones I love most (just yelling at them sometimes - I won't let myself completely lose control with them. They are my whole world. And, that is why I'm seeking help now.) My therapist suggested I write in a journal. Put down every feeling or write a letter to the persons that hurt me. This is for my eyes only, but just writing it, helps to release some anger. She also suggested I may need to actually go to a safe place when anger comes up and smash something - anything breakable. Just break things over and over until the pain stops. (I have had the urge to take a baseball bat and break everything in the house - I haven't done it, but that's how angry I feel when something triggers a past memory.)

I actually haven't done this yet. I still have the urge to control things too much. Therefore, I cannot even let myself get this out of control. But, I think I am going to have to do this, because the urge to hit something or someone is very strong at times - I have been able to control it as far as family is concerned because I knew how I was treated as a child and I already made a promise to myself that I would never treat anyone else the way I was. However, that means that I turn all of this anger in on myself. I'm not hurting myself physically, just emotionally, which I guess is actually hurting me physically too.

I do not suggest any of you do these things without a therapist (except maybe journaling and talking to others). These are just things that are helping me. I am just learning how to handle this myself, so don't feel in much of a position to offer advice. But would be glad to receive any you may have for me.

Thank you for listening - just felt the need to do some extra talking today.

anger is definately a two edged sword sometimes. i find it funny sometimes how some psychiatrists will tell you to go ahead and scream at the top of your lungs or go smash something. what they don't tell you is that over time, it becomes addictive behavior. meaning you want to do it more often than not. this can lead to other problems down the road, so please be careful with it. respectfully, SM

Most research on cathartic therapy does show that it is ineffective on a long term basis. I am not sure what kind of psychiatrist would still be telling people that this is a good thing to do with all the research supporting other types of therapies. Just a thought.

Thanks for the advice! SM, I could see how someone might become addicted to the rush they would get from smashing things. I don't know that I could actually go through with doing this anyhow. I would not want this to be the only way I new how to deal with my anger. So far, journaling has seemed to help the best. I have been able to get a lot of feelings out this way.

geekgirl - what kinds of therapies have you heard about that work with anger issues? I'm curious.

Thank you both for the advice!

i don't think that it is necessarily the rush that one gets addicted to as much as the feeling of being powerful and having the ability to control whatever we want whether it be a positive or negative thing. lets face it, we are all creatures of habit and comfort. if something feels good, we want to do it. and i just feel as if that type of behavior would sub-consciously make you want to do it again. maybe under the wrong circumstances. please be careful with it. respectfully, SM

SM,

I agree with your thoughts. Since I already have an issue with the need to control things, this might not be a good thing to start. Very wise advice. Is there anything that helps you? You don't have to answer any question you deem too personal. I don't ever want to offend anyone. And, what works for one person may not work for another. But, it seems as though even therapists don't always know what to do with us either. It gets frustrating looking for help with so many different ideas out there. I guess that's why I'm looking for others that have more experience with this than I do.

Your thoughtful sharing means a lot to me! Thank you again!

believe it or not, the best thing for me is to go for a drive out on a long stretch of road with nobody around. it gives me time to cool down and sort my thoughts and feelings out. once that is done, i can now face my issues more clearly without exploding on someone like a time bomb. the other thing is exercise. if you take all that pent up rage and workout, you use your anger for a positive purpose. by the time you get done, you won't have any energy left. and once again, after the workout, you can come back and address any issues more clearly. good luck. respectfully, SM

Hi Red-

Most general cognitive behavioral therapy can work for something like that. That can come down to the style of therapy your therapist practices. There is meditative therapy, art therapy, play therapy, wilderness therapy, and many others. If you want more detailed info let me know. My personal favorites and ones that seem to be pretty effective across populations are meditative and art therapies, but my ultimate favorite is wilderness therapy.

Angela