I'm new to online support, but I'm at a loss as to how to cope with my current situation. Let me give you a brief synopsis of my PTSD. My Jewish mother was a hippy and left my father when I was around two. She took me to Hawaii where we lived in a teepee on the beach. Then she and some of her friends heard about some "Guru" and tried to get into Canada. They were turned away at the border and we spent some time in Bellingham, WA right on the border. After that, we moved to San Diego where my grandparents lived, and she converted to Christianity. She met my step-father at Bible College and they married when I was 7. They wanted to be missionaries, so we spent a few years going back and forth between Missionary College in Texas and San Diego. We even spent some time in Mexico City. They decided to become missionaries to Haiti, but their preferred sponsor organization turned them down. They went anyway. We spent four years in Haiti (from ages 12-15). We only left because my mother had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. That first year back is pretty much a blank for me - I only remember bits and pieces. But then I finally started getting treatment and was at least functional. I refused all medications for many years because I was afraid of it. About 11 years ago, the panic attacks were too much for me and I gave in. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. My mother died in 2007 and I thought that my symptoms would go away, but they did not. They have definitely lessened up, however. Unfortunately, my stepson was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a few months ago. I'm finding that all my old symptoms are returning (I think because of the stress I'm under) and since I can't "fight", I am fantasizing about "flight" - just running away from my loving husband and children. Any coping advice / support welcome! Thank you! |
