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RickEJ"I was diagnosed 8 years ago with Bi-Polar II.
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PTSD ForumsIntroductions & Personal StoriesStill having problems after all these years
11/24/2008 03:50 PM
Kakani
KakaniPosts: 36
Member

I've had ptsd for a very long time. My first traumatic event happened at the age of 7 I was sexually molested. Then again at the age of 12-18. I have flash backs from both of these incidents. There are things I honestly don't remember that come back and bite me. Like I have a fear of choking and can't even have someone's arm close to my neck. I also have a fear of being pushed into small places, having pillows put over my face, being held down, and there are more I don't even know about. People trigger these flash backs all the time in every day life. I don't know how to stop them from happening or how to help myself get over them. Any help would be nice
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11/24/2008 03:59 PM  Top
glory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Hi Kakani and welcome to the group. You will always have someone to vent to. You are not alone because we have PTSD too and understand your pain. We are here to help each other. For now, dear, don't push yourself and don't push the memory back....deal with it cuss it and whoever did it to you.. Damn them.....
"We Know We Are Out Of Step When"

We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is.

Previous discussions I participated in:
so
hopeless
What hurtful things have people said to you?

11/24/2008 04:30 PM  Top
Kakani
KakaniPosts: 36
Member

yeah i have a whole list of people i want to damn. But the memories are hard to face and there are things i don't remember. Half of the last four years of my life are suppressed memories that only come back when i have these flash backs

11/24/2008 06:35 PM  Top
sisters4life

Hi Kakani and welcome to our family. Glory offered the best advice there is right now. Are you in counseling? Ptsd has a way of making us forget things (But the memories are hard to face and there are things i don't remember) that is a natural survival skill in all of us. We block it out or our mind sees the bad thing as happening to someone else. Just remember we are all here for you and when you are ready please post your story. Feel free to PM me anytime if i can be of more help.

11/25/2008 05:06 AM  Top
Kakani
KakaniPosts: 36
Member

my story is hard to tell with all the missing peices but someday when i feel more comfortable with everybody i will post what i know. I also have journals that date back to 2004, during the time i was molested for the second time. I will put up some quotes from those although my mother forbid me to write about my molestation in them because she was afraid my therapist would see it. I just got out of counciling because i moved from montana to texas. But we plan to get me back in councilling soon.

11/25/2008 05:18 AM  Top
ThisBlows
ThisBlowsPosts: 1467
Senior Member

I wish I could forget some of the things I went through. I dont think it will ever go away, but I do think it becomes more managable in time.
Cry HAVOC! and let slip the lemmings of war!

She turned me into a newt!.... I got better

Spes Mea In Deo Est

11/25/2008 06:09 AM  Top
countrymouse
countrymouse  
Posts: 5693
VIP Member

Kakani, welcome to the group, we are all here for you, when you need us. I also have troubles with my memories, and am trying to deal with them as they come. There are good and kind people here, ready to help you along the way.
"Music may start with a melody, but harmony is what gives it color."

11/25/2008 10:17 AM  Top
Kakani
KakaniPosts: 36
Member

you are all very nice people. I want to thank you for your concern and for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me i will be posting some journals soon about my ptsd

11/26/2008 05:47 AM  Top
duc359

Kakani,

Time dulls things. Therapy helps give you names and places to put things. Still much work needed perhaps, but to do nothing means it will never get better.

Good luck


12/12/2008 09:03 AM  Top
dreamsofinsomnia
dreamsofinsomnia  
Posts: 1719
VIP Member

you need to keep a diary of triggers

right after you have one write down best to your memory what was going on with great discription

after awhile you will start to notice a pattern and be able to pick out the triggers

after that it is up to you to either face it or avoid it

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?



contact me on yahoo messenger under jennyleuchtman
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