New to the group

All I want too do is just find a place and be by myself. There are days when I think that I'm at the top and for some reason I hit bottom again and can't pick myself back up. I've also turned to drinking but only on the weekends from friday nite till sunday morning. I've been asked by my counselor have I thought about killing myself I've told her no but hurting myself yes. I'f I wanted to kill myself I could it would be easy all I would have too do is eat mushrooms and that would do me in. But I'm not that close, all I want is to have the old me back. If there's anyone out there that can help me that would be great

Lost confused and angry

I think we all, including the, "normals", have our off days. Solitude is not a bad thing, nick. It gives you time to reflect and regroup. On those sad days, make yourself write a list of good things in your life. It helps me back into the world.

Gloria

You're not alone, my friend. I've been where you are now. It took a little time for it all to catch up to me, but when it did it was hell. One thing you must rememeber while you endure this early period of intense suffering, it will lessen in severity. It will never go away completely, but it will get better. Drinking won't help, but I understand why some do. This PTSD is maddening and complex. Nothing makes sense right now, I know but hear me on this; pain is inevitable and the past cannot be controlled. Insanity has no rational answers. I'm not sure what you've done or what you've seen. But I know how its affecting you, and that is what matters between us right now.

You want your old self back. That won't happen. You are different now, you and I have crossed a threshold over which few Americans have, simply because it wasn't required of them. We did it for them, that's our job, our destiny. We did it so they would not have to because they could not do it and come home safe. You did. I did. We are home now and we are alive; if you have no one else who understands, you have me.

Love

Gloria

Derlon