Post Traumatic Stress Support Group

i have been thinking how my past memories effect the way i am today, i know my memories are sort of part me somewhere. but what i see is like a scene of the past. i was the actor. and i see the reruns or feel them. i know they ring a false to me, because they are just a illusion now. not even on a cd.

Hey Iken is that because of the flashback .I get those too and with my physical pain dealing with both send me back to where it all started.It could be the Brane telling us something needs to be fix.

When a tragic event happens in a persons life you remember certain smells, certain images that you see around you and see on TV will trigger a flashback. We push them away because there painful. But our brains will never forget. We have to learn to enhance with both. This is normal. It's a learning process that we all have to go threw to feel normal in life. Keep yourself a journal of everything, every event, everything you feel, It will all come together in the end. But once you learn how to deal with the effects of PTSD it's worth the learning.

( Hope To Cope ) Scott

I can't have Glade cinnamon apple air freshener, the smell reminds me of my abusive ex-husband and makes me anxious. I can't stand being in crowded places or feel cornered, makes me feel like I did when I was attacked and cornered by several abusers including my parents, I get anxious and want to cry. Loud or angry sounding voices, causes a lot of anxiety and trembling and I want to run and hide. Sometimes I smell something and it brings some horror back to me. People lying about me, makes me anxious and mad, I become extremely anxious when I am not believed. With PTSD unfortunately there are lots of triggers, flashbacks, nightmare and other symptoms.

I have had many good spells where everything is going pretty smoothly in my head, but then I have a spell like right now that everything triggers me and I have trouble regaining my composure and some serenity. Right now I think I am going through about the worst spell I have had in many years. Been on FMLA since March 26, I go back to the pdoc Thursday and see if I go back to a pretty abusive job or am I going to be able to stay out longer. The anxiety is already starting to build and I am waking up in the morning with my heart racing. My meds calm me down but by late afternoon I am anxious and my heart is racing again and it does it anytime I think about going back to work.

Hang in there, sometime we need to take it day be day or hour by hour or lately for me minute by minute. We do have better times and unfortunately if triggered we have some bad times. I keep trying to remember that I am a survivor of some really horrible things, I am strong I survived and I will get through this also.

Post edited by: seeknpeace, at: 04/30/2012 05:31 PM

Post edited by: seeknpeace, at: 05/01/2012 08:36 AM

you how it goes with people, forget the past they say, well when past sneaks up on you it is hard to adnor , it has been so long now, it is all distorted. i was same at my job. in mornings i was ok,,, in afternoon i was a basket case. why is it others abuse others, it is like they are pushing there bad energy on us, and makes us feel bad.

seek in peace i understand the part about if i am believed , i make jokes about things, so when i tell someone something, as if i am lying to them. drives me crazy. so i deal with facts now.

frogwoman I so identify with you last post. I do the same thing, having intrusive repetitive thoughts, crying and at times feeling suicidal. One time I was driving home and I thought about driving my car into a tree. I have had many times that I thought it would be just so much easier if I was dead. I have never attempted anything but I sure have thought about it. PTSD is really hard to live with. I also have times when things seem to be going good and I think maybe I have finally gotten better than wham!! someone lies about me, accuses me of things I have never done and I am right back to crying, panic attacks, anxiety and depression. It reminds me of when I was abused pretty badly and how I would be accused of things I never did and would be beaten.

Not being believed, lied about or accused of something I did not do are my biggest triggers!

i am starting to feel myself splitting from past to present time. but i see it more as a observer now. but i know residue is still there, it as if a different person of who i was and who i am today, strange feelings about that.

It also means that you are learning. You are learning that it ok to live with knowing that past and to move on to bigger and better things in life.

( Hope To Cope ) Scott

I am finally seeing a psychiatrist that has been increasing medication dosages and added another med, finally starting to feel better. I could not believe I have actually had some moments without anxiety and I realized I have never felt that way before and it felt strange but good. I went back to work Friday and could not sleep much the night before or last night, but I am taking it moment by moment. I bought a small tape recorder and keep it in my pocket, ready for any meetings or discussions about any work projects so I will have proof when someone lies about me. I also have a former manager that is working for a different division of the company trying to get me transferred to work for her again and get me out of the craziness. She had a good friend's husband go through the same craziness I have been going through and they fired him for stupid stuff. I am making sure I document everything now. I am learning to stop being a floor mat and stand up for myself, trying not to run, hide and cry as I usually do. I am also going to a good counselor and she is really starting to help me with the PTSD.

I am also learning and trying my best to finally learn to live without constant fear and anxiety, not easy, but I am actually starting to see some changes.

Do they know at work about your PTSD? They cannot fire you if they are aware of your condition; it is the same as firing someone who is handicapped. I don't blame you one bit; I've been in the same position where I've had to keep track of every move I made because I knew they were coming after me. If I knew then what I know now, I would have sued them and probably won. Hang in there.