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10/30/2011 10:58 PM

Physical Exam Gone Wrong. * * May Trigger* *

RobT
 
Posts: 46
Member

***May Trigger*** Sexual issues. Trust + Privacy issues.

I apologize for the messy thinking in this post. I think my mind has been searching out/trying to figure out unhappy + disturbing feelings for awhile, + I think I know what MIGHT be going on. My mind has been, sometimes, been feeding me awful thoughts, or images, for about 2 years, I think. thoughts about: nudity, molestation, rape, people bigger than me, domination, helpless people, helpless children, etc.

About 2 years ago, I had a disturbing dream. I dreamt about: I was about 8 years old. I was trying to sleep, on my back, + 3 of my sisters grinning wickedly about me approach me. they then undress me + tell me or threaten to do sexual things or sexual abuse to me. AGAIN, that stuff about those 3 sisters was just a dream.

Crap. I apologize if I have talked about this, before, on this site, before. I looked for this subject in my posts + I couldn't tell if I had talked of this, or not.

Anyhow, maybe some months ago, I had told my therapist about an event that disturbed me: when I was about 7 to 9 years old, I was given a physical exam, and the woman who was the doctor doing the exam, DID NOT TELL ME everything that she was going to do, in examining me.

The part of the exam that disturbed me, sounds a lot like the dream, that I had about my sisters:

In part of the exam, the doctor told me to strip down to my undershirt and undershorts. she told me to get on the table + lie on my back. I think she did tell me that she was going to examine my body. My mom was in the room...but she was out of sight...so having mom there, wasn't an emotional comfort for me.

I think the doctor told me to pull up my shirt to my shoulders. I was nervous a h*ll, having her examine me. I don't remember, but I think she examined the top half of my body. then I think she moved down to start checking out my feet and legs...I'm nervously watching her, all of the time that she's examining me. Maybe this was my first physical, where I was old enough to be told that, I was getting a physical.

I think, after she had examined my legs, she then pulled down my undershorts. that startled me. She then looked at my pubic area, then she used her hand to physically examine my private parts.

After she had done that, she walked away + said something like: [ok, all of the horrible stuff is done].

Ok, looking back on it, now as an adult, I can tell myself that she partially undressed me + put her hand on my private areas...as a medical exam. but I feel that she messed up in doing this exam.

Today, 2011, doctors + medical people are VERY CAREFUL in saying to a child or whoever:

I'm a doctor...I'm going to look at your private parts, and I'm going to have to touch your private parts...I'm only doing it to see that you're not sick/unwell...I'm a doctor, so my looking at your nude body + my touching your private parts is ok...I'm not looking at you + touching you to scare you, or to hurt you, or to make you feel bad. Medical people now are careful to use warnings like that.

I hate talking about this event, probably for a number of reasons: people say boys can't be scared/unhappy about medical visits, people say men can't feel bad about stuff like the above event, I'm worried that people will tell me that I'm over-reacting to things, or that I'm not allowed to feel unhappy, or scared, or hurt, or stuff like that.

Regardless, I'm really feeling disturbed + unhappy about this medical exam. This event makes me feel unhappy about things like: nudity, privacy, trust, sexual issues, how males + females shouldn't mistreat each other, and things like that.

I think the event left me feeling: shocked, scared, probably violated, feeling frightened of adults, that my body can feel very unprotected, and other things like that.

I think that talking to my therapist, + similar things, can help me work this out. I am feeling very scared + vulnerable about my feelings, about this event in my life.

Please tell me what you think about this event. I think it really has left me with big scary questions like: am I in charge of who can't touch my body, when is touching + nudity out of line, and a host of other unhappy questions.

Thank You,

RobT

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10/31/2011 09:06 AM
KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21499
VIP Member

have you asked your mom what the appointment was for? it's unusual to have an exam like that for an 8 year old boy. my son had a lump in his groin, so they ran tests and dis a complete physical exam...just as you described. he had a hernia and ultimately surgery.

i think that the dream you had is somewhat similar to what you experienced in that exam. as a young boy, you are taught to respect adults but not let them touch you...that is confusing when your mom is standing there while a stranger touches you.

i would ask your mom or get a copy of your medical records to see what reason is listed for the exam.

cheryl


02/02/2012 10:51 PM
RobT
 
Posts: 46
Member

Hi KittenMittens,

Hi, thank you for your reply. I'm sorry that I didn't answer your reply weeks ago. I hadn't answered it because I was very shy about the subject matter of my discussion, and I wanted to make a good reply, to your reply.

Thanks you for your incites + thoughts about my experience.

My exam was done before 1980, and I guess that, back then, male doctors + female doctors, weren't up to speed on warning kids that this type of medical nudity + touching by doctors was an ok and emotionally normal thing. Not all doctors were clueless about it, then, but I think that a good majority of them were clueless on this subject.

I'm glad that 90% or above of today's doctors + medical people, know how to properly treat kids + emotions, in the examination rooms, now.

Thanks Again and Have a Good Day,

RobT

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