Post Traumatic Stress Support Group

***WARNING***May contain triggers***Abuse, sexual ,etc.

Hi, I go by Butterfly9. I try to remain anonymous as a means of protecting myself. I'm always terrified that someone I know..a family member or something will stumble upon this site, read my posts, and judge me. I know I am little paranoid. But, It helps me to be anonymous, so i hope you all won't mind.

I have had a lot of scary things happen in my life and I find that I suffer from flashbacks-the visual and physical ( chills etc) effects that accompany PTSD.

I am a long time survivor of domestic violence as I both experienced it and witnessed it as a kid and as an adult. I saved up my money when i got old enough and fled the situation only to get into a major car accident and get lopped right back into the fray of it all again. I had to go live with my abuser while I "healed". Unfortunately, I never fully healed,,,the accident left me with Fibromyalgai and Manic Depression after I hit my head and other ailments since.

I was severely physically and psycholigically abused by my biologic father since I was a small child. As I grew older, he would look at me like he shouldn't and was always trying to get me alone. He would blast porn from the living room while I slept and as an adult has hit on me several times. He is disgusting and sick and I am so lucky to have my own apartment now and I rarely have to deal with him. Unfortunately, he is still in my life because of reasons I have no control over or care to discuss at this time. If I could (had the means) I would leave him far behind, mentally physically...in any way that I could. I do not however have the means at this time.

I am angry and sickend by it all. I can barely handle it. It's taken me a whie to get up the courage to post about this. I still feel much Shame and Fear. I dont' know where or who to go to. I stil feel very frightened by it. My family is not supportive-mother and sister as they are both sick themselves-denial etc.

I dont' know if I am in the right group as I have PTSD for sure and each time I have to talk to him or see him-It triggers my PTSD big time!!!!!! Even if nothing frightening is happening at the time!

I also have to deal with this man somewhat regularly because he is still in my life a bit but not by choice. I try to never be around him and am NEVER again going to be alone with him if I can help it.

I really need support and I am thinking of posting the Sexual Abuse support group as well but not sure where I fit in. For me, the abuse is not over.

I hope the content of this post has not been too dark or triggered any of you as that is not my intention.

butterfly9: So, so sorry you had to endure all that you have in your life. You are a strong person and can move on with your life and not let this control the rest of your life. I have had or had every symptom of PTSD a person can have, but I do my best not to let it control my life completely. We're glad you're here, and we hope you find the support and friendship you need to help you move on. Midget53

welcome to the group. I haven't read your post yet but will later this afternoon. I am glad that you are able to speak about your problems and reach out for support

Cheryl

HI butterfly9, Very sorry for what you have had to deal with and is still dealing with. You have taken a good first spep by posting you story here and you are a very strong person. Like what Midget53 mentions I also hope you will find the friendship and the support that you need.

Gaila

Thank you Midget, Cheryl, and Gaila. I am trying to take the first steps in walking away from all of this.

Finally read it!

Is your content too dark ~ no

does it trigger me ~ no

However, I can understand COMPLETELY. Parents that psychologically abuse their children are sick themselves. Its not an excuse or a pardon, just a fact that I hold onto. You are not at fault and if it takes a lifetime telling yourself that one little phrase, it will take you a long way into recovery.

Are you currently seeing a Pdoc or therapist?

Cheryl

Welcome to the group....I also have issues(dark) that I will not talk to anyone about but I suffer from PTSD too because of it. I will share this. When I worked at the State Hospital I saw things that I never want to see again. I was attacked by 3 large men that tried to rape me. I am a male Nurse and kept telling myself that this ain't goin to happen. I am a blackbelt in karate and ended up having to do CPR on one of my attackers. I actually wanted to kill him and sometimes wish I did. I had to do the cpr because help did arive. I wish to this day that help had not come. I could have killed all three of them without a drop of guilt. You are in the right place here and will find a very understanding and accepting group of people that can make you feel better about yourself. I was physically abused by my mother and she was locked up in a state institution for 6 months when I was 4. I had to go stay with my aunts. I still remember those days like it happeed today.

Please everyone forgive me for posting this here. But I have been trying to get Bangbang some help, he has been having computer issues that prevented him from posting and sending PMs.

Bangbang are both problems now resolved?

No need to forgive us. That shows how much you care and how to be a good friend. We are all here to help others no mater what the issue is. So happy you both got the issue resolved.

( Hope To Cope ) Scott

@butterfly9 every journey begins with one step and you just took yours.