I just spent four days wired up in hospital. They thought I had a mild heart attack. I have arrythmia but is from ventricles so apparently is alright. Is a death defying act to keep me still for four days....lol. Anyway I was triggered twice while in there but they were short lived and not big boomers and I reacted differently to in the past. Mostly I was worked on by women which helped. But I get triggered if I am naked with people above me. Reminds me of the gang rape. Makes sense to me. The first one was a women though and they had my heart wired up the whole time. They came in to wire me up to a bigger monitor. The first women had finished wiring me up, the second butch women came in and just pulled my gown up and I roared at her. That is different for me. Usually I go into a stunned traumatised state but this time I ROARED. DONT YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN. I explained to the other nurse after the other one left. It felt empowering. I am far too gentle as it is. The next one I was naked and wired up and two male doctors came in. I just became hysterical. They wanted to know what was wrong I just told them what had happened to me way back. They were very respectful and I calmed down. This is unusual for me, usually these would become major flashback trauma recurrences. I think I may of turned a corner but not sure how. Im just so glad I can come here and tell someone who understands. Thanks for being here guys... gotta celebrate victories whereever I can........ |
