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03/16/2013 07:21 AM


Posts: 627

I am angry!! Or should I say very very angry!! I don't remember ever feeling this angry. Mostly by the person who supposed to love me the most. My mother and my ex-husband.

My mother went on a tangent last night telling my father and I she did everything. My father worked hard. Has waited on her hand and foot. and still does. She has constantly put my father and I down ever since I can remember. I have always been my fathers daughter. Neither one of us could ever talk to her. It has always been about her!!

I finally got confirmation to what I have always surmised. She said "she knew I would come home and take care of her." She knew that my sister would never take s my marriage thinking my children and I would be here to take care of her. She got fooled... because of her mouth and me being stupid enough to listen to her lies she only got me!!!

Where my parents live was never my home.. My home was in another state. I stayed here with my husband when me moved down here from another for two weeks while we looked for our first apartment. Then we built our home in another county far enough (or so we thought).

When our second daughter was a year old, we stopped talking to her and my father. She was drinking heavy and abusing her medicine. They were the happiest four years in my life.

Oh no now she yellin at my father again. No one has an opinion but her. She has no patience for anything.

I hope I make it through today. I don't want to Blow!!


03/16/2013 07:26 AM
Posts: 749
I'm an Advocate

Scarlet: Don't let her do this to you. She needs to be told to get a grip and stop the yelling. It isn't doing anybody any good including her.

03/16/2013 07:35 AM
Posts: 627

No it doesn't but it sure makes her happy!!!

I just answered Yes to her when she asked me something. She Yelled at I eeded to say YES MAME

03/17/2013 04:30 PM
Posts: 514

my husbands paretns where extremely verbally abusive . i told him he cannot change them but he can change himself. he began by leavign and not repsonding to her. (he had take this for 50 yrs prior). every time his mom became verbally abusive he began to leave a little longer befor he made contact again. at one point it was over a year the contact. she does not verbally abuse him no more for she learnt if she wants her son in his life she needs to speak respectfully to him period or bye bye he goes. they play cards twice a week int he same group and since she lives onthe farm we farm he sees her ever day pretty much now. the funny thing i find is the other seven kids she still is very verablly abusive too still.

we can change ourselves noone else. your mom has gotten away many years being abusive and sees no need to change. all you can do is change you hon. set healthy boundaries and be firm upon them . i am not saying it it will be easy for my husband found it very hard. i have complesx ptsd and have had 44 years of abuse. trauma has come frequently to my door and i learnt i had ot change me to stop others from abusing me more

hugs dareto

03/19/2013 10:13 PM

Oooh this is such an unhealthy relationship. Don't you & your husband want to enjoy life? Life is way too short to tolerate that sort of behavior. I grew up the same way and that's how I ended up with DEPRESSION.

I hope things work out. But this is just not good!

03/20/2013 02:57 AM
Posts: 232

I had a similar reaction as InTorment. Scarlet why do you stay in a relationship with her? As everyone has said, You can not change your mom, you can only change you. It sounds like you were raised to expect abuse from her and as unpleasant as it is, it is familiar. Everyone wants love and connection even with our family abusers. This kind of hope for love just might kill you or at least ruin your life. But you are grown up now. Would you think more about this question? Why do you stay in a relationship with your abusive mom?

03/20/2013 06:45 AM
Posts: 514

cutting ties is not easy even in abusive situations. i get the connection very well. my mother is 93 and abusive in her way and i limit the contact but tocut the contact is not cut and dry.for me it is easy to make some ocntact than to always have people asking why i do not know wha tmy mom is doing.i have a line with my therapist. "She can't live forever !Can she?"

i am glad scarlet red you can vent here.

03/20/2013 03:12 PM

Ask yourself is all this worth it to my mental health & well being.

Nothing is worth this.

You may need to consult with someone about making different arrangements for her care.

You'll just have to research this.

Consider getting her someone to come in & care for her its called an attendance in aid. Type this in the search engine.

It's were someone comes in to help care for your Mother.

NOW! You & your sister may have to pay. Talk to your sister because that's HER mother too.

There is no way on EARTH you should put up with this. Because this will get worse & your sanity is just too important.

Try to consult with someone who deals with Senior issues again research this online.

If I were you I would get myself to a caregiver support group. Look up one for your area.

But start doing some:

Research online

Talking with someone who knows about elderly care, whoever that is, you'll need to research that.

Get yourself to a caregiver support group & REACH OUT!

Because this won't just go away by itself & given enough time its not IF but WHEN you'll lose it! Don't wait for that to happen.

Find out a solution this instance!

Good luck.

03/20/2013 03:53 PM

One other suggestion:

Go to the Catholic Archdiose or

Catholic Community Services in your area

and apply for a volunteer chore service to come in

a few days a week then get an aide in attendance person to come in

the rest of the week.

And another possible option.

Either call or go online to find out

about a program geared towards low income seniors

Here in Washington its called COPES

Which I think stands for:





The State pays for it.

Ask your local Dept Of Services & Social Health Services about such a program, I'm sure your State calls it a different name.

But it wouldn't hurt to find out this.

Get crackin kiddo! Smile

03/20/2013 04:12 PM
Posts: 627

I am relly all they have. M sister wont even

talk to them or me. Most of my mothers famly is gone and has few friends.

My fathers family is mostly still live in the state I grew up in. He was1 of 11 chldren. Of those there are 6 sill liiving. He had one brother who moved where we live but he passed away sometime ago.

It propably wouldn't matter much anyway since my mother was known as a troule maker which made things dificult for the rest of us. His only friends were mostly her friends husbands.

My father has always been my weakness. When I was growing up he never would get anything for him self. Everything was for my mother. This is whre I get myelf depravation from.

My father and I have always been close. I haeawys bee a "Daddy"s Girl".

For 4 years my ex and I didnt talk to my parents. One day my father showed up telling me he had prostate cancer. I couldn't turn him away.


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