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03/25/2011 06:28 AM

Raising Low Self Esteem in Men

Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13096
VIP Member

Wanted to share this with all the male posters here, specifically!

How To Raise Low Self Esteem In Men

In men, low self esteem is often related to perceived values of what a real man should be. The ideal man is usually perceived to be tall, strong, handsome, successful, independent, intelligent and able to fix things (either physical things like machines, or situations). He's the hero who stands up for what he believes in and protects those weaker than himself.

This means that if a man feels he does not live up to the ideal in any way, he could start to place a low value on himself. If he has been brought up to believe in the hero myth and then he turns out to be shorter than average, small in the genital area or too clumsy to fix a shelf, he may feel he is not acceptable as a man. That is, unless he can develop some different beliefs about the value of human beings.

Of course, most or all of us do not fit the 'perfect guy' ideal in one way or another. So why is it that some guys do not seem to mind being less than average in some ways while others have a real problem with it?

The problem is often rooted in childhood. Other people's responses to us when we are young can be internalized so that we believe they are true always and forever. Kids have a hard time getting perspective on a situation.

Young kids tend to assume that whatever their parents believe is right, for example. So if the parents seem to believe that their kid is lacking in some way, he will grow up believing that too. He quickly forgets that this was just his parents' attitude, as it appeared to him when he was small. Valuing himself low has become part of his world view.

But the good news is that even for these men low self esteem can be overcome. Here are some simple steps that you can take to help yourself out of the rut.

Accept that everybody is different and there is no ideal man.

Stop comparing yourself with others. We are all individuals and in the eyes of God or the universe, nobody is worth any more than anybody else.

Set realistic goals for things you want to achieve. Break them down step by step and keep doing the steps until you get there. Even small successes can make a difference to how you feel about yourself.

Try to become aware of when you are using words like can't, should, must, either in speech or in thought. These show up that there is a gap between where you are and where you think you should be. Instead, give yourself permission to do things or not.

Having low feelings of self worth can be a vicious circle, taking your self esteem lower and lower. After all, the ideal guy is confident too, right? So if you have low self esteem, that is yet another reason for beating yourself up. In men low self esteem should be tackled as soon as possible, before it takes you into a downward spin.

http://www.solveyourproblem.com/self-esteem/low-self-esteem- men.shtml

Above article taken from the above website.

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03/25/2011 06:29 AM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13096
VIP Member

Ya know, I've started a reply to this article about 5 times since I saw it posted, and yet, I still haven't replied. Its a challenging article, let's say that. Food for thought, definitely.

~Andrick


03/25/2011 06:29 AM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13096
VIP Member

This article screams Dave, especially the part about what his partents, specifically his father, has said about him. And now he's got a chronic illness that makes it hard to do even the simplest things sometimes...and he's having some problems with the school, so he's thinking that he has no future. Life just seems to be wreaking havoc on his self esteem. I wish the articles offered some advice on how to increase a guys self esteem, its a little to late, the downward spin started a while ago :-/

~davesprettylady


03/25/2011 06:29 AM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13096
VIP Member

Your self-esteem is one thing in your life that is in your control, and it influences everything in your life.

Building Up Your Self-Esteem - Use these stepping stones

◦Stand and walk with good posture.

◦Take a strong commitment and a conscious effort to succeed in building your own self esteem.

◦The next time you make a mistake, be forgiving of yourself.

◦Redefine "selfish". Learn to love yourself and to take care of your needs effectively. You can get your needs met and still have love in your life.

◦Take responsibility for your life and your well-being and STOP taking responsibility for other people's lives. It's great to help people, but they are still responsible for their own situations and actions.

◦Spend more time with people who encourage you, and less time with people who discourage you.

◦Eat nourishing meals and exercise, and remind yourself that you are worth it.

◦As you make new choices, set out a plan and get a support partner.

◦Treat yourself with a warm bath, a massage or a good book. Treat yourself with deliberate acts of kindness

The Ten Commandments of Self-Esteem

1] Thou shalt not consort with people who make thee feel bad about thyself.

2] Thou shalt cease trying to make sense of crazy behaviour.

3] Thou shalt not keep company with those more dysfunctional than thyself.

4] Trust thy body all the days of thy life

5] Thou hast permission at all times to say "NO", to change thy mind, and to express thy true feelings.

6] What is not right for thee is not right for thy bretheren.

7] Thou shalt not give beyond thine own capacity.

8] What thy bretheren think of thee mattereth naught.

9] Wherever thou art, therein also is the party.

10] Thou shalt sing thine own praises all the days of thy life.

[ The Ten Commandments of Self-Esteem © by Catherine Cardinal.

All the above tips were taken from this website:-

http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page13.htm

Sad to hear about Dave, davesprettylady, how hurtful words spoken to him by his father caused in him low confidence as well as led to his chronic illness. Can he see a counselor or life coach or even come here?

Davesprettylady- hope these tips have helped you to help your hubby.

Take excellent care of You.

Gentle hugs, Clarita

Check out these links too :-

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14752-what-is-low-self- esteem/

http://www.kalimunro.com/article_emotional_abuse.html

http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page1.htm

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Making-Peace-with-Your-Past

http://www.granitescientific.com/thelongshadowHFM.pdf


03/25/2011 06:30 AM
Clarita
Clarita  
Posts: 13096
VIP Member

I've tried billions of time to get him to come on here. He's been to see a few counselors on a few different occasions...but never regular counseling. I think he would rather just pretend all the bad stuff doesn't exist rather than face it. :-/

~davesprettylady

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