Self Esteem & Positive Thinking Support Group

Hello, my name is Mazzy and I am recently separated from my husband who has BIpolar II and is also very abusive. I am recovering from what I call an easy break considering he actually moved to another state. However, I am 3.5 months pregnant with our child.

My story is long, to be honest I'm almost sick of explaining it. If you want a quick back ground my life was that of an abused woman. My self worth has vanished but is slowly reappearing I here because I never want to be *there* again. I have made a lot of steps on the road I want to be on. I have gain 40 lbs in the last 2 years (stress and depression) I used to be thin as a rail- my self esteem is at an all time low. I have always have a beautiful body and now that I am higher I feel like I am no longer desirable. I have never been with a man who loved me for me, it was always for looks. I'm tired, I just want realness in my life. I want peace and joy and I'm tired of feeling scared. I have deep wounds, sever abandonment issues and I want to learn how to become healthy a whole and ok with me. I have times when I am please don't misunderstand me but I want to feel that way 95% of the time not 40% of the time.

I also have dysthymia which is a chronic depression and I can have it for weeks and months and even years. I am not on any sort of medication because I am pregnant.

I am lonely but do not want my husband back. So if you have wise advice or would just like to chat I am open to it

((((mazzy)))) My heart goes out to you. I can relate to your story somewhat. I was involved in an emotionally abusive relationship for a very long time before it came to a traumatic end. I know what a toxic relationship like that can do to a woman's spirit and soul. I am diagnosed bipolar II and also suffer from depression episodes from time to time so that makes all of this even that much more challenging. I have found that what helps me is to do an inventory of the inner circle in your life. I surround myself with all things positive. I carry my Bible and a couple inspirational books with me wherever I go as reading the material gives me strength when I feel weak. I also read alot of uplifting quotes, articles, magazines, and books. I listen to upbeat music.

I am not sure if you are religious or not but Joel Olsteen is a minister that has several best selling books out that have lifted my spirits many many times.

It is very important you nuture yourself right now both physically and emotionally. Do you have a support system in place to help you through your pregnancy?

Thank you for sharing with us. (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry that you have been through so much and face the further challenge of single parenting... Take very good care of you and allow yourself to build up your spirit as you prepare for this new little one! best wishes!

(((((MIZZY)))))

Mazzy, Heart goes out to you tremendously for all you have endured as well as all the challenges you now face in your life ,yet, please give your fine self much credit /kudos for how far you have come on your journey as well as all the bravery you have shown up until this point -so this bodes well for you for your future!! Echo all the wise words already spoken here, too!!

You will reach your goals at your own pace- sometimes taking small steps forward yet other times taking big leaps forward- so try not to rush the process. Your rainbow blessings are on the near horizon for You!

Whilst cannot relate/identify to your story personally- am a good listener plus will do all can to help you/try to understand, plus feel for you plus am rooting mightily for You.

Hope you do have much support around You?

Agree with my co Gl April as well as Thomas here.

Please take most excellent care of You- nurture you!!

The universe will give you this peace as well as joy that you need- when you seek something with all your being with an open heart plus savvy mind you find the treasures you seek. Will ask heaven to guide you, guard you, uplift you as well as send you much loving kindness pluse plenty of a-ha eureka moments and serendipity, may all this be tremendously yet also tenderly so for You!

We are all here to support You, too, so keep leaning on us!

Sending super gentle hugs to you, love Clarita

MsAspiring, thank you for the reply. Did you have a hard time knowing what was real and what wasn’t in your toxic relationship? It seems to be what I am struggling with right now. My husband is also BPII but he wasn’t taking his diagnosis serious ( he was drinking alcohol, energy drinks, eating bad food, raging, very verbally abusive and had physical abuse traits- like breaking my things, burning my things, etc) I had given him 4 chances (4 separations in 2 years) to get himself together (we have 2 kids from previous relationships and a baby on the way) for our kids sake. We both grew up in abusive homes, his was far worse than mine because his step dad beat him on a normal basis. His mom is an enabler and has always been there for him and continues to express how controlling and awful I am… She said he isn’t BPII and doesn’t need medication- that’s how manipulative he is. He has drained me financially to the point where I am so far behind on bills, etc. In a recent fit (psychosis) he picked up a huge rock and threw it on my AC unit (it cost me $1,800 to fix it because the damage was irreversible) he threw all of my Mexican pottery, bird bath (he smashed) he punched holes in my front door and kicked holes in it as well, he tried to use a crowbar to pry my front door open.. Luckily, he is gone but I fear that it wont last long. I feel like such a worthless lump of a woman… I am now pregnant with my second child, my marriage failed, I picked a horrible mate, my finances are completely ruined.. I’m angry. I’m really angry. Im angry I went back to him all of the times I did… I’m angry that he fooled me into thinking he was Mr. Good Christian Husband…. I’m sorry my mind isn’t in the best of places.. the anger pours out of me when I think of him. I have been trying to stay positive (and I am for the most part to the outside world) however, I do believe my depression is kicking in and that’s why I am so low right now. I do bible studies and have even gotten some amazing scriptures and promises.. I know I am doing the right thing and I did fight so hard for my marriage, I can walk away knowing at least I tried. Thank you for your wonderful advice.

Thomas, thank you for the encouraging words and awesome picture…

Clarita, Thank you. I am lucky enough to have MDJ as my primary support group and system along side my mother and father.. I also have an amazing counselor that I meet with once a week. I am part of a church but right now during summer we do not meet besides on Sundays (usually they have weekly bible studies, etc but since school is out they break for summer).

I appreciate all of the love and wisdom you all shared!

Thanks again.

Mazzy, Yes I did have a hard time understanding what was real and what was not. The man that I was involved with manipulated and twisted things around until I agreed with his perspective and his outlook on life. He took advantage of how important my faith is to me and manipulated some of my favorite verses in the Bible to support his actions. I have been away from the relationship 5 years and I am still working hard to rid myself of some of the personality traits I had picked up on of his.

Like you, I have felt very angry. I choose to use my anger as motivation to fuel my fire to improve my circumstances for my daughter and I. My anger has fueled me to be able to earn 2 Bachelors Degrees while working full time and has also motivated me to be one of the key team players at work.

I hope you can take comfort that by being apart from your husband you are choosing the best option for you and your children right now. Sending you lots of hugs and support!

Well I want to thank you all for sharing your thoughts.. I joined this group to enjoy your possitive side and bring some out in my own life as well...

I want to share 3 things I am thankful for

I am thankful that God is always right- even when we have no idea what he is talking about he is right.

I am thankful that he gave me a helpful heart.

Lastly, I am so thankful for my children, they are my fuel to improve my life...

What are your three thankfuls for the day?

Thanks Mazzy ! Here are Batgirl's 3 thankfuls for today

1)Whilst in high pains managed to do a few household chores- angels helped me to complete- so feel happy about this!!

2) My boys have given me lots of TLC- boys= my k9 dalmatian Sebster & hubby Chris! Love my boys!!

3)Friends both home and away who have given me strength whilst holding on tightly- too many names to mention yet am hugely grateful to all whom have helped me today to have a few dolphin smiles as have struggled physically, cognititvely- fibro fog as well as emotionally been somewhat low due to the high pains as well as this long long spell of wet rainy cool weather here in UK. Love my friends!!!

Sending super gentle soothing hugs to you Mazzy, to all my friends plus co gl's here, and to every SE&PT sg member, Love Clarita

Great list of thankfuls! Seems like so many people here at MDJ are from the UK.

Enjoy that wet cool weather its in the 100's here and roasting!

hey mazzy! great name. i sympathize with your experience.

know there are alot of small things being ironed out as i seem

to be in the same situation as you are.

however, focus on the larger miracles! i am being left by an

abusive alcoholic. how many years have i prayed for exactly this?

in your situation, you are pregnant! wow! what i would do to have

another child!

i will miss my "friend," greatly. he is one of hte only loves

ive ever known and was always there for me. although sometimes in

unhealthy ways.

however, carry on we must. huh?

smile! the world awaits what it is that you have to offer.

smiley1