Self Esteem & Positive Thinking Support Group

The majority of the time, I am a pessimistic person, always expecting the worst to happen. I hate this feeling so much because I feel that it really has taken over and I do not want to continue this way. I think this really got bad during the last year of my marraige, which ended about 4 years ago. My ex wife would continually do things that would let me down, she could not keep track of money and started hanging out with new friends that ultimately cost us the marraige. I do not know how many times I would tell her that I love her but would only hear I hope so back. I knew when she would ask me how much did I love her it meant she always wanted something.

Now I have been in a long term, for me, relationship with a wonderful lady whom I love very much. But I am afraid that I am letting negative thoughts creep in especially flashing back to what my ex wife did. This is not fair to my girlfriend since she has not done anything to make me think negatively. She brings me so much joy and even the littlest good morning text just brightens my day. But I do sometimes find myself hesitant to read her texts as I am expecting bad news.

How do I stop this madness?

for many years, going back to when i was in my teens, i was always negative. sometimes being negative is caused by suppressed anger, jealousy and so very many times ... lack of self worth, self confidence. if things always seem to go in the wrong direction for us, we tend to believe that EVERYTHING will.

we dont trust when we are negative. we are looking for retaliation towards something or someone that simply cant pay the bill we are trying to collect.

we have to change the way we think and look at things. its not an easy task especially if we have been negative for so long. it is possible though.

its just like quitting an addiction .. it may seem unreachable ... but it can be reached. we must apply some effort.

we cant change the world, but we can change the way we look at it. if you remember that ...its not the issue that is the problem ... its how we handle it.

we are as we think. there is positive in everything. if we stay positive through adversity we will gain strength. new attitudes need to nurture patience. tolerance.

i learned to tolerate. i learned patience. we get pissed off when things dont go our way and we tend to ruin the rest of our day because of it.

you can remain pessimistic for as long as you choose. you can also hide yourself in your room and never come out.

you may be allowing the negative things from your ex wife to cloud your thinking with your girlfriend. YOUR CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP TO FAIL, and you dont even realize it. its what you are used to. it becomes habit .. no matter who or what.

you are allowing the way things WERE to control your future. you thoughts are working to find deception or flaws in your girlfriend.

its possible you know your not even giving her a chance. if you can see the negative in your actions ... so can she.

negative thoughts bring limited thoughts. limited thoughts controls your expectations. our expectations sets your boundaries. you will never rise ABOVE any of your expectations with negative thinking.

soooo, all that being said .. if your happy with this lady, you love her and she loves you ... stop and remember that ... what was .. will only continue IN YOUR MIND .. IF YOU ALLOW IT TO.

learn to actually enjoy your new found love. your way of thinking creates your limitations. so far you are holding strong to what was. what was .. does not have to control your future.

Post edited by: odiebob, at: 06/14/2012 08:10 AM

Post edited by: odiebob, at: 06/14/2012 08:11 AM

Post edited by: odiebob, at: 06/14/2012 08:13 AM

Post edited by: odiebob, at: 06/14/2012 08:15 AM

Excellent wise words from OdieBob just now- echo them too, LovesbpGirlfriend! This is what is good about CBT+NLP plus other such therapies which look at re-programming the way you think from negative thought patterns to positive ones! Pick The Brain website has some great positive thinking articles so check them out! you owe it to you to not let yourself jeorpardise your present or future happiness by letting the past or past emotional baggage split you up/become a self fulfilling prophecy- so break the cycle! If you need professional help to do this then do so-make it happen! You cannot make big changes without putting in hard work though yet the hard work will be more than worthwhile as you will be much happier plus those you love will get a far better deal from being with you/loving you too so it is a win win situation! Take dynamic action to turn this around for your sake yet do not expect others to carry you- even if you have a therapist you will only get out of it what you put in so be brave+ be your own best friend! still you can lean on us yet know we are just regular people with our own health challenges , whilst we care we are not therapists or counselors, plus you need to do the research plus exercises to change your dynamics to healthier thinking ones,okay! Please keep up in the loop plus let us know that steps you are taking to be more positive/trusting~groovyB-)! Super gentle hugs, Clarita(rooting for You)

Thank you for the positive comments. I definitely want to live the right way and I love my girlfriend so much I do not want to jeopardize that. I am going to jump in with both feet and work on me.

Fabulous to hear that you are going to jump with both feet to work on You plus you will do everything you can to ensure you keep the girlfriend you love by endeavouring to put the past in the past as well as to try to be more positive with all your being!! Excellent news indeed!

We are here for you every step of the way plus keep us in the loop, okay.

Giant gentle hugs, warmest wishes Clarita