Self Esteem & Positive Thinking Support Group

Once there was a world-renowned classical pianist who, in his old age, developed such arthritis in his hands that his fingers were gnarled and bent. To move them caused him excruciating pain. And yet, to the amazement of all, he continued to perform.

He would walk onto the stage, seat himself at the piano, place his hands on the keys, and produce such exquisite music that it moved his audience to tears and sent them to their feet in a tumultuous ovation.

He so loved his music, that once he began playing, he slipped into an alternate world where his fingers were limber and young again and he played with vigor and power. That alternate world, that transcendental space, is what psychologists call the state of flow.

It’s the state that athletes enter when they’re at the peak of their game, that artists and musicians experience when they’re lost in creating. When you’re in the state of flow, nothing exists except the doing. Time stops. You lose all sense of self. You’re challenged to the upper limit of your skill—but not beyond.

Flow for Mere Mortals

Luckily for those of us who don’t rank among the greats in our professions, the doors to the state of flow are open to mere mortals, too. You’ve probably been there, in the place where you were so engrossed in what you were doing that you lost all track of time.

Maybe you were working on your favorite hobby, or solving some complex problem or performing a task at work. Maybe you were cooking an elaborate meal, listening to a great piece of music, absorbed in the beauty of a natural setting, reading an illuminating book, or dancing, or making love. Maybe you were engrossed in one of those conversations that was so absorbing it went on into the night.

Flow springs from both mental and physical sources, from activities you perform alone or in a group. And here’s one of its signs: You only realize how gratifying it felt when you look back on it. While you’re engrossed, only the doing is real.

Dr. Martin Seligman lists these characteristics of flow:

■The task is challenging and requires skill

■We concentrate

■There are clear goals

■We get immediate feedback

■We have deep, effortless involvement

■These is a sense of control

■Our sense of self vanishes

■Time stops

Living the Good Life

Mihaly Chsikszentmihalyi (whose last name is pronounced “chick-SENT-me-hi” and who likes to be called, simply, “Mike”) is the man who coined the term “flow” in the 1960’s when he was researching the creative process. According to Mike, the good life, a happy life, is characterized by flow, by “complete absorption in what one does.”

Today’s positive psychologists agree. Creating more flow experiences in your life is a definite way to push your positivity ratio higher. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, says that flow is good for us because it’s fulfilling, and the satisfaction you get from it is lasting and reinforcing.

“The experience of flow,” Lyubomirsky writes, “leads us to be involved in life (rather than be alienated from it), to enjoy activities (rather than to find them dreary), to have a sense of control (rather than helplessness), and to feel a strong sense of self (rather than unworthiness). All these factors imbue life with meaning and lend it a richness and intensity. And happiness.”

How to Turn on the Flow

Lyubomirsky suggests eight strategies for increase the flow experiences to your life:

1. Control Attention – To reach the state of full engagement in whatever you’re doing, train yourself to keep your attention fully concentrated on whatever it is you’re doing. That means not planning dinner, or reminding yourself about your 2 o’clock appointment, just paying attention to the thing that you’re doing right now.

In our culture of short attention spans, this takes a bit of work. A trick I learned from my friend Cristina Diazs at The Benefits of Positive Thinking is to report to yourself in minute detail whatever it is you’re doing: This is me, typing on the keyboard of my laptop. This is me, brushing my teeth. This is me, talking with Sam.

2. Expand Your Boundaries – Break out of your routine and explore new interests, places and people. Enroll in a class, join a club, take up a new hobby. When you’re learning something new, you’re challenged, and your attention is hooked.

Children, who are brimming with curiosity and riveted by learning something new, are often in a state of flow. Tap into the child within you. Ask yourself what might be fun to try, and give it a whirl.

3. Learn What Flows – Flow isn’t the same thing as pleasure. In fact, you feel no emotion while you’re in flow, either positive or negative. You’re simply engrossed in the doing. It’s afterwards that you feel the satisfaction and sense of fulfillment flow provides.

You’re more likely to be in a flow state at work when you’re doing challenging tasks you are at home, when the tasks are simple and routine. – You can add flow to easy tasks by adding a challenge to them. See how quickly and efficiently you can get a task completed, for example. Try doing it with excellence while you keep your attention focused on the details of what you’re doing.

4. Transform Routine Tasks – Another way to transform mundane moments, says Lyubmirsky, is by creating “microflow” experiences with goals and rules. While you’re waiting in the doctor’s office, for example, set a goal to draw an intricate doodle with the rule that all the lines must be symmetrical. Or solve puzzles in your head, or tap your finger in synch with the music that’s playing, or compose funny lyrics. Anything that grabs your attention and focus will produce a microflow moment, making your life richer and free from boredom.

5. Flow in Conversation – You can create flow moments while you’re in a conversation by listening very closely to what the other person is saying and on your reaction to her words. See how much you can learn about the speaker and give her space to expand on her ideas. Imagine what emotions she might be feeling. You might, Lyubomirsky says, ask “And then what happened?” or “What did you think about that?”

6. Smart Leisure – While you may need some decompression time after a busy day at work, don’t get lost in the TV or mesmerized by computer games. Set aside time for doing something more engaging after you have spent, say 45 minutes, in down time. Get to work on a hobby, or play a sport, or work on a household project, or play a game with the kids. Learn the difference, Lyubomirsky says, between vegging and vegetating.

7. Smart Work – If you think of your job as boring and routine, try to think of ways you can kick it up a notch. Go beyond the minimum requirements; see what excellent service you can provide.

I saw a video once of an automotive assembly line worker who came to work every day dressed all in white. He challenged himself to do his job so meticulously and with such precision that he stayed spotlessly clean all day.

How can you go above and beyond? Can you spend time creating a more pleasing environment? What can you do to boost the morale of your fellow workers?

8. Strive for Superflow – When you’re absorbed in what you’re doing to the maximum degree, you may enter a state that of transcendence that kicks all the attributes of flow a notch higher and leaves even greater satisfaction and fulfillment in its wake. It’s like flow on steroids, and it comes from practice, from training yourself to attend more and more deeply to the moment and to your engagement with whatever is before you to do.

Flow is mindfulness in action. It’s being fully present in the here and now and responding to the task at hand with curiosity and engagement and an intention to do it well.

Cultivate it in your life and you’ll be immeasurably enriched. Give it some attention. Notice when you have experienced it throughout your day and savor the satisfaction it brings.