Self Esteem & Positive Thinking Support Group

I have come a long way over the past few years except for one area that I just find too hard to deal with - looking in the mirror or at myself in pictures.

Yeah I look in the mirror to comb my hair and shave, but when I pass a mirror, I do not look. I have stood and looked in the mirror and talked to myself but it took extreme effort and focus. I can't just look.

Looking at pictures seems to have gotten worse over time. I just always find something wrong with the pictures. I can look at childhood pictures and pictures of when I was in my 20's (maybe its a recent photo thing). To make matters worse, people say that I'm not photogenic (in one way kind of gives me an excuse though).

I had hoped that improving my self esteem would help, but it hasn't.

I do feel like I have a high opinion of myself mentally.

I thought I could try to look at pictures of myself and write about all the good things I find, but wanted opinions of somebody else who may have had the same issue. It may not help as the real issue could be still underneath/behind the picture.

I have the same problem; I always find something wrong with my reflection or any pictures taken of me. I use social cues from others. For example, I've been asked out by a fair amount of boys, which indicates I'm attractive. Try focusing on the positive feedback and accepting that, if others find you beautiful, you are. I'll let you know how it works for me, but the problem has gotten better.

Softwing, When you look in the mirror is it that you do not like your reflection or is it that you feel that the person looking back at you you cannot fully recognise or associate with? When did this first start do you think? Check out the post, 'How to Love The Skin You Are In' - to be found in Self Esteem Resources Forum!

Are you working through this with a therapist? Do you want to work on this area, truly, with all your being?! Say this as sometimes people say they have a problem area yet when they have the help or ideas given to them they either say thanks yet do nothing with it or make a half hearted attempt so are therefore trapped in a loop- yet, to have real change you have to be prepared for some hard work as well as some pain in order to get to the root of the issue as well as work through the issue properly, methinks.

Have been carrying out some research on this. Here are some links want to share with you on this, too.

Maybe friends say you are not photogenic as you do not smile or the fear of the image you see makes you pull a strange face? Maybe , as you love yourself more you will be more photogenic. Maybe you need to learn to love you for you then you will not even be fazed by a mirror or a camera picture?

Let us know what steps you are taking in order to tackle this problem area of your life, please.

http://ririanproject.com/2008/05/08/body-confidence-how-to- like-what-you-see-in-the-mirror/

www.permanente.net/kaiser/pdf/9685.pdf

http://mental-health.families.com/blog/liking-what-you-see- in-the-mirror

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-See-Yourself-Clearly- Avoiding-the-Mirror

http://belifehappy.com/cgi-bin/blh_blog.pl?id=311&type=2

Hope the above links are helpful.

Make You loving yourself as well as accepting yourself in every area- a priority, starting from today- may it be so, make it so No. 1!

Gentle hugs, warmest wishes Clarita(am not medically trained just a fibromite with a big heart as well as a great interest in positive psychology and philosophy)

Post edited by: Clarita, at: 09/05/2011 01:27 AM

I've had the same problem over the years and it took a long time to look myself in the eye in the mirror and say I like you or your OK. Didn't feel as though I deserved it, did not like who I was or accept what I consider flaws. Truth is we all have something we don't like about ourselves its our choice what we do with those thoughts. I look in the mirror now and know what I don't like but I do not let it consume me. I tell myself its OK and I'm alright, yeah I need some dental work but I'm not the only one in the world with this problem. So I feel better and just move on. I also though I was a terrible person, it was just a lie I told myself from negative past experience. Also grew up in an alcoholic home which did nothing for my self esteem. It takes time to make the changes though it can be done in time. Today I don't care much what other people think of me, I am who I am and I've accepted that. I don't need their approval. just some things to think about.

I used to look in the mirror no problem for yrs and yrs but not now, i avoid the mirror. My therapist wants me to do some dialogue with my self in the mirror eventually, but not now, Now is not the time he says. He told me he does not want me to 'look at myself and tell myself how happy i am with me' he said if i did that now it would be like forcing myself to do this, having a dialogue with me would be better. So i only look in the mirror to brush my hair or do myself up, but otherwise i avoid it. Sometimes i must say i am pleased with what i see so its not always i don't look but most times i avoid the mirror.

I liked hearing from all of you. I'm going to look up Clarita's links.

In case you don't know, I'm in Afghanistan for a deployment. While most people spend their free time at the gym working on their bodies, I am working on my brain! Just want to address some unresolved issues and return home more emotionally fit (not that I am train wreck or anything....I think)

Thank you all, I will keep you updated!

I was really feeling good this weekend, so I looked into the mirror. What did I see?

I saw a guy who has big blue eyes, brown hair and a cheesy smile. He has a small mole right above his lip that some people use to try to wipe off. His hair is getting thinner and very little grey, but that was OK. My hair getting thinner use to bother me, maybe it still does. I have threatened to just shave it off but none of the women who cut my hair will do it. I look terrible in a hat unless it's backwards.

Maybe I have been afraid to look into the mirror because I'm getting older and looking older. Something I can't change. When I looked, I wasn't bothered. Perhaps I was afraid of the feelings I use to have about myself - that they would come back. I think that's it because I can feel it when I write about it.

I think I'm feeling better about looking into the mirror, this is good.

Well, go to go see if that guy's still in the mirror, see ya!

Post edited by: SoftWing, at: 09/12/2011 10:58 AM

Post edited by: SoftWing, at: 09/12/2011 10:59 AM

Softwing- pleased to hear this new positive, for sure!

Know we are all here to support you every step of the way- as much as we possibly can(none of the GL's are medically trained yet we have big hearts plus ears to listen), so lean on us any time.

Keep up the good work !

Gentle hugs, Clarita